Things I WON'T miss... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-30-2019, 11:35 PM Thread Starter
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Things I WON'T miss...

-dishonesty
-silent treatment for days sometimes weeks
-MIL crossing boundaries the entire 12 year M, coming into my house 3 hours before having to take the kids off the bus, treating my house as if it was hers, taking pictures of my daughter off the wall and replacing them with her pictures she likes
-setting myself up for no sex or disappointing sex
-paying extra for her health insurance because she gets a stipend. Then, when the 5k stipend comes, she pays off "her" credit card or buys herself something
-Seeing her mom 7 days a week because her mom is her "best friend"
-asking permission if I can take out kids out
-being told I'm "unsafe" to be around our kids because I take Ambien
-won't go to counseling because she's a "great" wife and mother and the problem is me
-"I'm tired, want a HJ tonight?"
-being told my daughter is not allowed to ever step foot in "her" house again (we both own the house)
-wondering who she is sending or receiving nude photos from
-constant phone usage
-never feeling like a priority in the M, not even top 3
-making excuses to my family for her
-arguing on every family vacation so that is what I end up remembering
-causing me to go down the rabbit hole one too many times at 2am
-opting to sleep with my 8 year old daughter instead of me
-in my kids 8.5 years of life, never having them by myself a single night
-not having boundaries with ex's and/or anyone of the opposite sex
-living with a slob that relies on her mother to wash her dishes, clothes and make her 44 year old daughter's bed
-did I mention dishonesty?

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-01-2019, 10:55 PM
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Re: Things I WON'T miss...

Sounds like a **** show, I wouldn't miss it either.
Hope things are better for you and the kids.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-01-2019, 11:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Things I WON'T miss...

Question for the board, does it matter who files? We both have lawyers and both lawyers have indicated they will accept service from the other side. The thing is, time is on my side, financially. Time is not on my side mentally. I know it's personal preference, but looking for some advice.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 01:04 AM
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Re: Things I WON'T miss...

Generally, the advice is to be the one to file.
NY is a terrible state to divorce in, I wish you well.
You will mentally recover once you are away from her.
Best of luck.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 01:52 PM
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Re: Things I WON'T miss...

The one who files is more in control of the process. Yes, if you file then she could counter-file or try to drag her feet or whatever but if she files then she can always dismiss the case whenever she feels like it and then you start over. Better for you to file.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 02:37 PM
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Re: Things I WON'T miss...

I can identify with just about everything you wrote, but this one was the eye opener:

"-wondering who she is sending or receiving nude photos from"
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 03:37 PM Thread Starter
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I wrote this out as a reminder to me on days I am having second thoughts. I might even add to the list as time goes on. I’m glad I am finally out of limbo hell.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 06:10 PM
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Re: Things I WON'T miss...

You should go ahead and file for the reasons stated in the replies above, otherwise, you are just following her lead.

"But I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd."

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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 08:39 PM
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Re: Things I WON'T miss...

I wouldn't live with one thing on your list. Never, ever, ever.

Before you get involved in another relationship, you'll need to learn to love yourself enough... Enough to never live in that kind of hell again.

Best

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old Today, 12:00 PM
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Re: Things I WON'T miss...

Quote:
Originally Posted by anchorwatch View Post
I wouldn't live with one thing on your list. Never, ever, ever.

Before you get involved in another relationship, you'll need to learn to love yourself enough... Enough to never live in that kind of hell again.

Best
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old Today, 12:06 PM
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Re: Things I WON'T miss...

Quote:
Originally Posted by RebuildingMe View Post
Question for the board, does it matter who files? We both have lawyers and both lawyers have indicated they will accept service from the other side. The thing is, time is on my side, financially. Time is not on my side mentally. I know it's personal preference, but looking for some advice.
It didn't matter for me. I forced her to do it because she was the one that wanted out. There was a minor fee to register it at court, and you actually had to go in and do it.

It made no difference to the settlement or the legality of the thing up here. Might want to ask your lawyer.
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