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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 06:27 AM Thread Starter
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Confused

I don't know if you remember my story. I am in a middle of a nasty divorce with 2 kids. We have been married for 10 years. He was abusive and I got a restraining order against him. Since the restraining order was finished, he took revenge on me by dragging me in court. We fight for the custody of the kids. He hasn't seen them for 5 months, didn't bother to call to see how they are. And now, all of the sudden he goes to child services to file a complaint that I don't allow him to see the kids. Of course it's not true. Child services are now supervising his visits to the kids. He comes to see the kids regularly now. But I wonder why now? What stopped him in the past? He asked for counceling and claimed that I will surely decline it, but I said I would go just to see how far he can go with the lies. In the meantime he got himself a new girlfriend and already introduced her to his parents. So, why does he want counceling? Only to look good in court? The lady from child services keeps telling me how much " he loves me". He cried in front of her that he wants his family back. How can one put on such a show? I mean he surely deserves an Oscar for his performance. It's hard for me to think it's all just an act in order to get custody of our son ( to avoid paying child support). My question is: what can I say during counceling? I want to bring up the abuse, the other woman. If he lies, what's the point of counceling? Or just I just decline it?

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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 11:33 AM
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Re: Confused

If you go through with the counseling.. which personally I see no need for... by all means, bring up EVERYTHING.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 02:42 PM
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Re: Confused

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Originally Posted by anna88 View Post
I don't know if you remember my story. I am in a middle of a nasty divorce with 2 kids. We have been married for 10 years. He was abusive and I got a restraining order against him. Since the restraining order was finished, he took revenge on me by dragging me in court. We fight for the custody of the kids. He hasn't seen them for 5 months, didn't bother to call to see how they are. And now, all of the sudden he goes to child services to file a complaint that I don't allow him to see the kids. Of course it's not true. Child services are now supervising his visits to the kids. He comes to see the kids regularly now. But I wonder why now? What stopped him in the past? He asked for counceling and claimed that I will surely decline it, but I said I would go just to see how far he can go with the lies. In the meantime he got himself a new girlfriend and already introduced her to his parents. So, why does he want counceling? Only to look good in court? The lady from child services keeps telling me how much " he loves me". He cried in front of her that he wants his family back. How can one put on such a show? I mean he surely deserves an Oscar for his performance. It's hard for me to think it's all just an act in order to get custody of our son ( to avoid paying child support). My question is: what can I say during counceling? I want to bring up the abuse, the other woman. If he lies, what's the point of counceling? Or just I just decline it?
Counselling for what? On how to co-parent civilly? Maybe that's a good idea - in which case keep focused on what's good for the children.

If that's not what it's for, then I would see no reason to do it.
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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 03:39 PM
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Re: Confused

I HOPE that you told the lady from child services that he shows how much he misses me by already having a gf and introduced her to his parents.
He is putting up a big snow job to make HIM look like the good guy.
He will be trying to do this to screw you out of child support or even to get primary custody.
He is trying to hurt you with all this -- THAT is why and that is all you need to know.

Bring up everything in counseling -- the gf, the abuse, the fact he didn't see his kids for 5 months (NOR did he try to contact them, etc.).
Go full out -- no reason not to.
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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 03:54 PM
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Re: Confused

Be sure you have actual documented proof of any abuse. If you don't he may say you are lying to make him look bad. A restraining order is not proof unless it is a judge signed permanent one. Mine got a temporary one she tried to make permanent but could not because it was a lie and as such could provide no proof. Her word became not trusted and suspect in everything. Be careful and stick with actual facts you have/can document.
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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 05:50 PM
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Re: Confused

You married a real piece of ****, didn't you?

Since Child Services seems to be fooled by this worthless POS who suddenly wants to pretend to be a father, may I ALSO assume that 'pretend daddy' was paying regular child support for the last 5 months????? You know, because Father of the Year has been so concerned about their welfare when he was ignoring them for 5 months?

Let me guess. He's putting on a big show for his new girlfriend to show her what a good father he is, but rather than actually have to PAY support for his kids to be able to eat or have clothing or medication, the sleaze bag manages instead to lie his way into 'supervised visitations' and miraculously, no one seems to be putting this ****-stain on notice for not having paid a thin DIME for these kids for half a year. What a complete scumbag.

For the love of all that's holy, PLEASE tell me you have a shark lawyer whose going to put this vile POS back in his place, wipe that smug smile off his ugly face and put the SCREWS to him for immediate child support starting with all the arrearages hes owes?

....you DO have a shark of a lawyer ready to pounce on his ass-clown, don't you???? Make my day complete and tell me you do.

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 10:13 PM Thread Starter
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I think I have a shark lawyer. But what hurts the most is what he does. I plan to going to counceling and tell the psychologist that I want him to answer why he hasn't seen the kids for so long. If he lies I don't see any reason why I should continue with the counceling.
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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 10:18 PM Thread Starter
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The order of protection was given by a judge for 6 months. I think this is the main reason why he wants revenge. It ruined his image.
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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 10:31 PM Thread Starter
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I did mistakes too in my marriage. I should have been stronger and not let him abuse me in the ways he did. I should have ended sooner. I blame myself that I didn't love him enough. I wanted out for so long, I just didn't find my strenght to do it. Looking back I wish i fought harder for my marriage.
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 10:34 PM
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Re: Confused

No the counselor isn't there to get the other to confess or confirm, and is there only to see if the 2 of you can make a go of it. So it's not going to happen. So if some other reason to go, it doesn't prove his guilt or innocent. Save yourself the time and frustrating. Don't go!


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post #11 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 10:45 PM
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Re: Confused

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Originally Posted by anna88 View Post
I think I have a shark lawyer. But what hurts the most is what he does. I plan to going to counceling and tell the psychologist that I want him to answer why he hasn't seen the kids for so long. If he lies I don't see any reason why I should continue with the counceling.
I hope you have this documented someplace -- you will be able to use this for any custody fights.
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post #12 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 12:25 AM
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Re: Confused

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I did mistakes too in my marriage. I should have been stronger and not let him abuse me in the ways he did. I should have ended sooner. I blame myself that I didn't love him enough. I wanted out for so long, I just didn't find my strenght to do it. Looking back I wish i fought harder for my marriage.
Honey there is no fighting for a marriage where you are being abused. Someone who loves you would not abuse you. You had nothing to fight for, so push those self defeating thoughts out of your head, and focus on keeping this scumbag away from your kids as much as you can.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #13 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 12:51 AM
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Re: Confused

Is this for marriage counseling? If so, I would decline. I would state that he already has a girlfriend that he has introduced to his parents. That he was very abusive and because of those things, marriage counseling is absurd and of course you are declining it.

To me, agreeing to it could be taken is a sign it wasn’t as bad as you are telling them. Declining shows it was. You have no desire to shove a turd back up your butt. You are moving forward. Leave that crap behind.

Ciao,

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post #14 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 01:11 AM Thread Starter
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Is this for marriage counseling? If so, I would decline. I would state that he already has a girlfriend that he has introduced to his parents. That he was very abusive and because of those things, marriage counseling is absurd and of course you are declining it.

To me, agreeing to it could be taken is a sign it wasn’t as bad as you are telling them. Declining shows it was. You have no desire to shove a turd back up your butt. You are moving forward. Leave that crap behind.
I plan to go to counceling and first ask what it is for. If it is for us as parents to help us co-parent, I will agree to go. If it is marriage counceling I will decline it as it makes no sense. I filled on 2017, he had plenty of time to do something if he really would have wanted to be with me.
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post #15 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 01:17 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anna88 View Post
I did mistakes too in my marriage. I should have been stronger and not let him abuse me in the ways he did. I should have ended sooner. I blame myself that I didn't love him enough. I wanted out for so long, I just didn't find my strenght to do it. Looking back I wish i fought harder for my marriage.
Honey there is no fighting for a marriage where you are being abused. Someone who loves you would not abuse you. You had nothing to fight for, so push those self defeating thoughts out of your head, and focus on keeping this scumbag away from your kids as much as you can.
It's hard to defeat these thoughts of sadness and grief but I have to. Thank you!
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