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post #16 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 12:59 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Originally Posted by Mayfair2018 View Post
...we started meeting up frequently whenever I went there which led to sex and began dating. It was mostly long distance but we met up frequently.

Our relationship was good but we were very different people in terms of personality. And it wasnt that serious even though we did put up pictures of each other on SM and met each others family.

...he got married to a girl I'm now finding out was his crush before he began dating me.

Apparently he wanted her throughtout mid 2013-mid 2014 but they just couldn't get together that time.

They had a starkly different relationship than us.

My ex boyfriend likes his independence and I do that too but he with her, he would stay with her nearly all the time.
They would eat lunch together, study together, and even go home together.
They would by themselves only when she had classes/he at work. Otherwise whenever he would come, he was always with her.
I had also seen him blatantly staring at her stupidly which looked ridiculous.

However a friend showed me the wedding video and though he's Jewish, he made a speech saying how he met her and it "love" at first sight in 2014. Then claimed fate/life separated them in 2015 but they eventually found their way back to each other.

He also claimed he knew it was a deep connection/love because when he met her again for the 2nd time after the separation, he still harboured those feelings he had for her, was guilty and wanted her back. JUST 1 MONTH AFTER OUR BREAK UP IN EARLY 2016.

He also said that she taught him what love is, to accept himself for who he is and is supportive/caring to the core.

I dont care for my ex but I was devastated hearing this. So what was I then? He dated me in between after her and I'm completely erased?
How did he marry this girl so quickly?
It seems that he isn't as independent as you think he was. You just weren't someone he wanted hang around with that much, or look at with "in love" eyes.

You were just a friend with benefits, or an in-between girlfriend.

The one he married is the one who had his heart. You were never that one.

Regarding his wedding speech: Why are you upset? That speech if about him and her, not all the ones who were not the right one. Are you thinking he should have mentioned you in his wedding speech? "Oh, I love you much, and I also loved Miss Catalan who I dated in between dating you."

For your sake and theirs, you need to move on. Block him, stop using your friends to find out about him. Watching his wedding video was a bit stalkerish IMO, and not healthy for you.

You were not the one for him. He's married to someone else. Accept that, train your mind to not think about him or seek him out anymore.

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post #17 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:00 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Thanks for the explanation.

But he did move on from her didnt he? He failed with her then moved to my country and I'm Catalan so we began talking even though he was in Catalonia and I was still in london completing my studies.
And we hung out and ended up making out/sleeping together. That's how we began dating.

We even met each others family and posted pics of us online then how come his heart was still with her. I just cannot get that part
Why does it matter? He's married now. It's over between you. Move on.
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post #18 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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@Mayfair2018, this is a public forum so people are going to posts all sorts of things, just ignore the ones that are

You were not second choice. You were the person who he wanted to be with when you two were seeing each other. After you two stopped seeing each other, he filled his life with what was around him... she was still around him. You were not.

Life circumstances change. People change. That's life.




When you two broke up, who initiated the break up? Was it you? Or was it him?

How old you and him?
I was still around him when we broke up. He didnt know she was at university too at that time until he saw her again.


We both called it quits.

I was 22 and he was 24 that time.
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post #19 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:02 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Why do you think I was the second choice? I mean he spent a year causing issues which led to him and his now wife to not be together then he voluntarily made the decision to move to Catalonia and that's how we got close.

But then the break up happened and he moved back to her and even married her.

It sucks because he met ME first. He met this girl later on and then ruined things and moved on to me.

I mean I thought it was clear as day that I was the one for him considering we also knew each other. He moved to my country and even though i was in london, we met up and got together.
Sorry, I must have got confused by this line:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayfair2018 View Post
Now, on 6th dec 2019, he got married to a girl I'm now finding out was his crush before he began dating me.
Thought the other girl had met him first otherwise she couldn't be his crush, but apologies if I misunderstood.
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post #20 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:03 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Originally Posted by Mayfair2018 View Post
Thanks for the explanation.

But he did move on from her didnt he? He failed with her then moved to my country and I'm Catalan so we began talking even though he was in Catalonia and I was still in london completing my studies.
And we hung out and ended up making out/sleeping together. That's how we began dating.

We even met each others family and posted pics of us online then how come his heart was still with her. I just cannot get that part
His heart might not have been with her while he was seeing you. You don't know that. His feelings for her might have grown to the level they are now after he was no longer seeing you and started seeing her again.

What you are doing to yourself here is crazy making. Be kinder to yourself. Love yourself more. You had a relationship with him that you both were into. It ended because it was not the right relationship for YOU.

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post #21 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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That is the problem with dating, people are not always honest.
Uh, then again, you did know they had a prior relationship with each other.

This should inspire you to pay more attention to what is going on, and to ask questions.
Live and learn.

Oh, some here might suggest that his fiancee be told of your close dating history and you meeting his parents.
What think you, on doing this?

Lilith-
No I didnt know about this girl. When he got with her then I knew because I had seen her around campus. Plenty of our mutual friends had seen her so ot was surprising how he was with her since he had recently moved back.
Until he told a close friend of how they met before and how much he liked/wanted her
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post #22 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Sorry, I must have got confused by this line:



Thought the other girl had met him first otherwise she couldn't be his crush, but apologies if I misunderstood.
It's ok. He met me first but he wasnt interested. Then he met her and was instantly attracted. That's what he told our friend and at his wedding
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post #23 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:07 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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I was still around him when we broke up. He didnt know she was at university too at that time until he saw her again.

We both called it quits.

I was 22 and he was 24 that time.
So, you two dated. Over time you both realized that the relationship was not what you wanted. That's what dating is for, to find out if someone is a person you want to spend your life with. Clearly he is not that person for you.

What was your relationship with him like? You say that he did some foolish things that ended his relationship with her. Did he do similar things with you? What were the problems when you were dating him that led to your part of breaking it off with him?

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post #24 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Originally Posted by Adelais View Post
It seems that he isn't as independent as you think he was. You just weren't someone he wanted hang around with that much, or look at with "in love" eyes.

You were just a friend with benefits, or an in-between girlfriend.

The one he married is the one who had his heart. You were never that one.

Regarding his wedding speech: Why are you upset? That speech if about him and her, not all the ones who were not the right one. Are you thinking he should have mentioned you in his wedding speech? "Oh, I love you much, and I also loved Miss Catalan who I dated in between dating you."

For your sake and theirs, you need to move on. Block him, stop using your friends to find out about him. Watching his wedding video was a bit stalkerish IMO, and not healthy for you.

You were not the one for him. He's married to someone else. Accept that, train your mind to not think about him or seek him out anymore.
Thanks for your input.

But tell me why do you think he met my family, we met each others family and used couple pics on our social media. We also hung out a lot together, did couple things etc.

So I don't know how he still had her in his heart. Was it because it was left unfinished and he was at fault?
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post #25 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:09 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

Oh, so he had at least two other sexual partners after leaving her?

His old gf, new fiancee should be told of this.

His 'using' of you and 'others' is newsworthy. It would be better for his fiancee to know this sooner than later.
I use the word, 'using' because he claimed exclusivity and he had you meet his parents.
Sorry...

Then again, maybe that is why she broke up with him.
Not merely, fate, as he mentioned.

He sounds like a player.
And, not ready for marriage.



Lilith-


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #26 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
So, you two dated. Over time you both realized that the relationship was not what you wanted. That's what dating is for, to find out if someone is a person you want to spend your life with. Clearly he is not that person for you.

What was your relationship with him like? You say that he did some foolish things that ended his relationship with her. Did he do similar things with you? What were the problems when you were dating him that led to your part of breaking it off with him?
Well we were extreme leftists at university. And he's Jewish, part israeli. Our group comprised of people who were extremely against Israel and we all supported people who had antisemitic backgrounds.

I'm now told that the line that he said that "she accepts me for who he is" is related to this as when he was at uni with us, he rarely spoke of his israeli side and dissociated with it. He also used to hide it. And just agreed with our politics.

We had arguments but it wasnt bad until we broke up. And he would get aggressive which I couldn't tolerate so we ended up fighting and just deciding to quit.
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post #27 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Oh, so he had at least two other sexual partners after leaving her?

His old gf, new fiancee should be told of this.

His 'using' of you and 'others' is newsworthy. It would be better for his fiancee to know this sooner than later.
I use the word, 'using' because he claimed exclusivity and he had you meet his parents.
Sorry...

Then again, maybe that is why she broke up with him.
Not merely, fate, as he mentioned.

He sounds like a player.
And, not ready for marriage.



Lilith-
No no. I think you misunderstood. Before he met her, he was FWB with another good friend of mine. He knew me that time but wasnt interested.

Then he met her. Then they fell out because he said due to misunderstandings and he moved away and got together with me.
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post #28 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Why does it matter? He's married now. It's over between you. Move on.
Ok. But I'm just genuinely baffled
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post #29 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:30 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

@Mayfair2018 you can spend the rest of your life dissecting every minute of your relationship with your ex, dissecting every word in his wedding speech and every word he writes on social media.
And it isn’t going to make any difference.
He’s married to someone else. Someone who he apparently had a crush on for a long time. What did you expect him to say at his wedding, that he wished he could marry you instead?
Calling you the “runner up” or “second choice” may sound cruel but in almost every marriage there are bound to be ex partners and in some cases numerous ex partners.
All of these people are runners up.
It’s called life.
Start living it.

When someone says it’s not the money it’s the principle,it’s always the money.
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post #30 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:33 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

Unfortunately, no one knows the answer to this but him. Your best choice is to let go and move on.
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