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post #31 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
@Mayfair2018 you can spend the rest of your life dissecting every minute of your relationship with your ex, dissecting every word in his wedding speech and every word he writes on social media.
And it isn’t going to make any difference.
He’s married to someone else. Someone who he apparently had a crush on for a long time. What did you expect him to say at his wedding, that he wished he could marry you instead?
Calling you the “runner up” or “second choice” may sound cruel but in almost every marriage there are bound to be ex partners and in some cases numerous ex partners.
All of these people are runners up.
It’s called life.
Start living it.
It makes me feel horrible. I wouldn't be so bothered if I didnt know he already had somebody he fancied but was unable to be with. I did not know that.
I thought I'm the one he liked out of all the girls.

Now I just feel like I was a second option because he apparently wanted her even though we were friends when he met me.

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post #32 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:36 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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It makes me feel horrible. I wouldn't be so bothered if I didnt know he already had somebody he fancied but was unable to be with. I did not know that.

I thought I'm the one he liked out of all the girls.



Now I just feel like I was a second option because he apparently wanted her even though we were friends when he met me.


Which should be all the more motivation for you to let it go. You dodged a bullet.


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post #33 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Unfortunately, no one knows the answer to this but him. Your best choice is to let go and move on.
I agree. Just one quick clarification. He said she accepts him for who he is.
Is it related to this situation? I'm copy pasting the response I gave to Elegirl.

Well we were extreme leftists at university who were very involved with administration, management, workers rights. And he's Jewish, part israeli. Our group comprised of people who were extremely against Israel and we all supported people who had antisemitic backgrounds.

I'm now told that the line that he said that "she accepts me for who he is" is related to this as when he was at uni with us, he rarely spoke of his israeli side and dissociated with it. He also used to hide it. And just agreed with our politics.
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post #34 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Which should be all the more motivation for you to let it go. You dodged a bullet.


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How was he a bullet?
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post #35 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:39 PM
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Ex boyfriend got married?

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How was he a bullet?


What if you had been years into marriage with possibly a couple of kids and then found all of this out? Or, heaven forbid, found out he had an affair with her?

Those are the bullets I’m talking about.


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post #36 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:39 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Originally Posted by Mayfair2018 View Post
Well we were extreme leftists at university. And he's Jewish, part israeli. Our group comprised of people who were extremely against Israel and we all supported people who had antisemitic backgrounds.

I'm now told that the line that he said that "she accepts me for who he is" is related to this as when he was at uni with us, he rarely spoke of his israeli side and dissociated with it. He also used to hide it. And just agreed with our politics.
Clearly there is a huge incompatibility issue here.

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Originally Posted by Mayfair2018 View Post
We had arguments but it wasnt bad until we broke up. And he would get aggressive which I couldn't tolerate so we ended up fighting and just deciding to quit.
When you say that he would get aggressive, do you mean verbally aggressive? Or was there physical aggression too?

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post #37 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:41 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Originally Posted by Mayfair2018 View Post
Thanks for your input.

But tell me why do you think he met my family, we met each others family and used couple pics on our social media. We also hung out a lot together, did couple things etc.

So I don't know how he still had her in his heart. Was it because it was left unfinished and he was at fault?
Some people believe that meeting the family, whether theirs or their date's, is a big things. Others not so much. They don't care if their social media ends up archiving a long list of paramours, or if their friends and family know they have one love interest after another.

As to your second paragraph, he probably didn't think much of her the first time they met, like he said to your friend. Then after more life experiences, he saw her in a different light the next time they met. People's tastes and desires change after time.

You're tryng to understand everything about him, when what you should be doing is learning how you will conduct yourself and what red flags you will watch out for in the future. Move on, make yourself stop thinking about him. Imagine a huge "STOP" sign when he comes to mind.
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post #38 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Clearly there is a huge incompatibility issue here.



When you say that he would get aggressive, do you mean verbally aggressive? Or was there physical aggression too?
Yeah but we didnt know that. He used to hide it. Or rarely spoke about it. We knew he was a Jewish guy with Israeli roots but he acted like he wasnt so much into that culture or anything. And was very much included into this group. So never thought of it and felt he is like us.

Aggressive like shouting or getting angry. I shout too so we had arguments.
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post #39 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Some people believe that meeting the family, whether theirs or their date's, is a big things. Others not so much. They don't care if their social media ends up archiving a long list of paramours, or if their friends and family know they have one love interest after another.

As to your second paragraph, he probably didn't think much of her the first time they met, like he said to your friend. Then after more life experiences, he saw her in a different light the next time they met. People's tastes and desires change after time.

You're tryng to understand everything about him, when what you should be doing is learning how you will conduct yourself and what red flags you will watch out for in the future. Move on, make yourself stop thinking about him. Imagine a huge "STOP" sign when he comes to mind.
I already wrote he said it was "love at first sight" for him the first time he saw her as he explained and that's how he spent 1 year trying to get her but failed.

Hmm ok

Ironically he married her on the exact same date he first saw her
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post #40 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:49 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

I don't know why, @Mayfair2018's thread has triggered me.

The thread triggered was by @weltschmerz, where his wife never got over her rejection by some EXBF jerk and she met up with him years later. She subsequently cheated on her husband, Weltschmerz, a good man.


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #41 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Originally Posted by Elizabeth001 View Post
What if you had been years into marriage with possibly a couple of kids and then found all of this out? Or, heaven forbid, found out he had an affair with her?

Those are the bullets I’m talking about.


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I agree. Thanks
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post #42 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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I don't know why, @Mayfair2018's thread has triggered me.

The thread triggered was by @weltschmerz, where his wife never got over her rejection by some EXBF jerk and she met up with him years later. She subsequently cheated on her husband, Weltschmerz, a good man.
I'm sorry if this thread triggers you.
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post #43 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

Does marrying on the same date when you first saw each other signify anything? He first saw her on 6th dec. And married her on 6th dec.
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post #44 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:54 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

It sounds like he was not being up front with more people than just you. Hanging around a crowd who hates your home country, ethnicity and religion while having sex with the women in that group requires a lot of hiding one's true feelings, whether for survival or for strategic reasons.

The only thing I fault him with is that he didn't find a different group of friends and girlfriends around whom he could be authentic, and not have to worry about being attacked.

The two of you were extremely incompatable. You think that you loved him so much, even though you hated everything about his heritage, genetics, home country, etc. Your group went so far as to support other groups that would literally destroy his family and home country. Do you really think think that you would have had a good marriage?

I totally understand his wedding speech. A person wants to be married to, be vulnerable to, a person who feels "safe" and who accepts you for who you are.

I'm not Jewish or Israeli BTW. I just don't believe that entire groups of people should be targeted for distruction.
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post #45 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 01:56 PM
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Re: Ex boyfriend got married?

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Originally Posted by Mayfair2018 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Clearly there is a huge incompatibility issue here.

When you say that he would get aggressive, do you mean verbally aggressive? Or was there physical aggression too?
Yeah but we didnt know that. He used to hide it. Or rarely spoke about it. We knew he was a Jewish guy with Israeli roots but he acted like he wasnt so much into that culture or anything. And was very much included into this group. So never thought of it and felt he is like us.
Ok, so you never thought of him being Jewish/Israeli and thought he was like you.

But what did he really think? Since you two had arguments about it, it's pretty clear that the anti-Israeli and anti-Semitism attitudes held by you and your friends bothered him a lot.

Of course he hid his true feelings. He wanted to fit in. He liked you on many levels, so he wanted to fit in. But how could he? It sounds like he came to a realization that he cannot go through life hiding who he is and pretending to be something else. He learned that lesson and matured. He found and married a woman who accepts his for who he is. Isn't that the basic foundation of any good relationship/marriage?

Apparently the fact that his wife is not anti whatever his genetics are is a big deal to him. It would be a big deal to most people.

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