This may just be your wife's personality.
My now-ex-husband was a bit of a party animal. He also always had lots of pretty female friends he was openly flirty with. And the habit of living his life like a single man. When I'm hurt, angry, jealous, or simply feel gravely disrespected, I don't lash out. I withdraw. To protect myself, but also to give myself time to really analyze the situation and figure out if my feelings are rational given the factual information or whether I'm over-reacting.
But I'm also the type that if you ask me to choose between you and my self-respect, I'll pick me
. Every. Time. Which means I don't police my guy. I don't try make him behave or respect my boundaries with jealous or controlling behavior. And I also don't have any interest in being with a man who just isn't very interested in respecting me, my boundaries, or our relationship. We can have a conversation or a discussion about expectations. But I won't "fight" for a man who is clearly interested in being elsewhere. If he doesn't want to be with me then he's free to go. I absolutely will not
be put in the role of scolding mommy to a rebellious teen who's wildly testing the boundaries. To anyone who sees a hot temper, jealous behavior, or fiery arguments as signals of passion and intense love, that reaction can appear cold and disinterested. In reality, it's just an intense, and hard-won, self-respect. I really am too proud to beg - especially for things that should be part and parcel of a healthy relationship to begin with.
OP, it's entirely possible that your wife is hurt by your behavior but has zero interest in playing the jealous shrew. She may also feel that she's above doing the "pick me" dance for her own husband while he's clearly distracted by his little friend.
Keep up the exceptionally poor boundaries, and you may one day find that your wife is no longer waiting at home for you to finish playing at being single. And you'll probably be baffled by her leaving. Because 'she never said she was unhappy'....
Ask yourself some questions: Should your wife have
to tell you she's unhappy with this level of disrespect and your crappy boundaries? Why is that her
job? Is she your mom? Or the marriage police? Why do you need or want her to make you behave yourself?