Be honest, I can take it - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 26Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 02:39 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 12
Question Be honest, I can take it

I am looking for advice and I need it from someone not involved. And yes I spoke to my husband about it first. For reference, it is about texts, my husband and his female boss (she is mid 30's and attractive and divorcing), who I will call A. I noticed, what I thought was an odd text from A. I proceeded to look back and noticed others that I found too "friendly". And way too many emoticons
They are as follows: A-Please don't kill me and don't be mad at me, but I have to cancel our meeting. I'm so so sorry. (seems a little less than a professional text, at least to me).
A-Make sure you RSVP for the company party (why text only him about RSVP?).
H-okay
A-I LOVED your joke about the party. You are so funny!
Is it me or do these seem overly friendly? Or are they just fine and our past issues are clouding my judgment? Tell the truth I can handle it

mommatoaj is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 02:43 PM
Member
 
Adelais's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 3,678
Re: Be honest, I can take it

They seem overly friendly to me, especially coming from a boss. She has poor boundaries. It doesn't necessarily mean that your husband is encouraging it.

Was the RSVP a group text?

What is your husband texting back? If he is not saying much, he could just be putting up with it for the sake of his job.
Adelais is offline  
post #3 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 02:44 PM
Member
 
Marduk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 17,646
Re: Be honest, I can take it

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommatoaj View Post
I am looking for advice and I need it from someone not involved. And yes I spoke to my husband about it first. For reference, it is about texts, my husband and his female boss (she is mid 30's and attractive and divorcing), who I will call A. I noticed, what I thought was an odd text from A. I proceeded to look back and noticed others that I found too "friendly". And way too many emoticons
They are as follows: A-Please don't kill me and don't be mad at me, but I have to cancel our meeting. I'm so so sorry. (seems a little less than a professional text, at least to me).
A-Make sure you RSVP for the company party (why text only him about RSVP?).
H-okay
A-I LOVED your joke about the party. You are so funny!
Is it me or do these seem overly friendly? Or are they just fine and our past issues are clouding my judgment? Tell the truth I can handle it
I literally have hundreds of these kinds of texts from coworkers. None of them are inappropriate.

I cannot speak to what his judgement, or lack thereof is or was. But these on their own are literally nothing.
Marduk is online now  
 
post #4 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 02:45 PM
Member
 
Adelais's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 3,678
Re: Be honest, I can take it

A lot of people have poor boundaries and believe that friendlier is better than formal.
Adelais is offline  
post #5 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 02:47 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,693
Re: Be honest, I can take it

Overly friendly.

That can be a problem eventually.
Openminded is offline  
post #6 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 02:51 PM
Member
 
ConanHub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Mid to eastern U.S.
Posts: 12,333
Re: Be honest, I can take it

Depends. We have no idea about the dynamic at your husband's job.

I've always been more professional with text messages but it has gotten a little off the cuff in conversations spoken.
ConanHub is online now  
post #7 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 02:53 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 37
What are the issues from the past that are triggering you?
Benbutton is offline  
post #8 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 02:53 PM
Member
 
ConanHub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Mid to eastern U.S.
Posts: 12,333
Re: Be honest, I can take it

I will add that it could be something on A's side.

Your husband's one response signifies nothing.

She could be a bit too flirty but your husband isn't necessarily buying.

So you know why she is divorcing?
ConanHub is online now  
post #9 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 02:53 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Somewhere else
Posts: 3,797
Re: Be honest, I can take it

''Please don't kill me or be mad at me...'' lol

Sounds like a teenager texting someone. It's inappropriate mainly because she's in a position of authority over your husband. #mentoo

But ''please don't kill me, etc...'' sounds like your husband isn't entirely innocent in these exchanges.

I'd simply ask him what is meant by the texts and see his reaction? If he gets red in the face, and extremely defensive and starts calling you ''crazy,'' then you know something's up.

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown
*Deidre* is offline  
post #10 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 02:58 PM
Member
 
I shouldnthave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 531
Re: Be honest, I can take it

It's funny - I work in a conservative finance / law environment. I read your posts and thought "never would my boss text me like that!" - but my boss is also in his 60's and extremely conservative / old school.

Then I thought about my husband - he works in the alcohol industry, with a very different work culture than mine. Texts like the ones you describe are common place in his world. Maybe not from his "boss" but from co-workers and customers.

You know the situation better than any of us. I would say if he isn't hiding these texts, he probably isn't hiding anything more sinister.

I shouldnthave is offline  
post #11 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 03:00 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 12
Re: Be honest, I can take it

That could be and I hope it is. And he doesn't "seem" to be encouraging them on text, but the "joke" he told was on a phone call. I certainly don't see and shouldn't see all of their exchanges.
mommatoaj is offline  
post #12 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 03:02 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 12
Re: Be honest, I can take it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adelais View Post
They seem overly friendly to me, especially coming from a boss. She has poor boundaries. It doesn't necessarily mean that your husband is encouraging it.

Was the RSVP a group text?

What is your husband texting back? If he is not saying much, he could just be putting up with it for the sake of his job.
The RSVP was texted only to him. I just thought it was strange.
mommatoaj is offline  
post #13 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 03:04 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5,994
Re: Be honest, I can take it

How old is your husband?
phillybeffandswiss is offline  
post #14 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 03:04 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 12
Re: Be honest, I can take it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
I literally have hundreds of these kinds of texts from coworkers. None of them are inappropriate.

I cannot speak to what his judgement, or lack thereof is or was. But these on their own are literally nothing.
I appreciate your perspective. It is possible that just because I would not send these types of texts to a subordinate doesn't mean there was any ulterior motives behind them.
mommatoaj is offline  
post #15 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 03:05 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 12
Re: Be honest, I can take it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Benbutton View Post
What are the issues from the past that are triggering you?
It has been suggested that my husband has a tendency to favor female employees. Doesn't make it a fact though.
mommatoaj is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
honest opinions needed

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome