, something definitely happens inside when my Mom and I get into it like that, yeah. But, overall I am happy with who I am as a person, and I do realize that I have worth. It’s just that while my Mom professes that she loves me, accepts me and thinks that I’m a great daughter, this isn’t how I feel she treats me. So, it’s a little odd, and I just wish we could have a good relationship.
, yes, this is what I’m going to start doing. I’ve said that before, but guilt always gets the better of me. But, I really need to make a stronger effort on this.
, I think I do overshare because I’m in this constant loop of “maybe if I share XXX info, she’ll accept me or respect my opinion”. Then, “oops, that didn’t work; maybe next time will be a more positive outcome”. It’s really quite a sick loop when I think about it because the next time comes, and the results are the same (hence feeling badly, because it feels like I can’t get anything right). But yes, I’ll be respectful of them, and stop oversharing hopefully without guilt, and taking back a little control. You’re right, if I don’t share everything, she has less to get after me about.
, my BF actually doesn’t see this side of mine and my parent’s relationship; my parents treat me completely differently around others, him included. He would probably be shocked if I shared this info with him to be honest. But yes, it probably does affect my relationships with others, even though I try not to let it. And, my Mom knows that I feel a huge amount of guilt if I don’t call her all the time, because I told her this tonight. However, she often doesn’t hear what I say (my sister experiences the same thing with her), so I don’t know if she even heard it. And, I tried making an appointment with my therapist, but can’t get in to see her until the end of January!
On the other hand, my Dad stormed out of my home this evening, and I think he said something about hoping they’re in an accident on the way home. This isn’t the first time he’s said something like this; once, a couple days before a flight and dropping their dogs off with me, he said that he hoped the plane crashed and they died. Then they wonder why I feel awful and guilty. This is the joy I get to deal with!