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post #1 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 11:34 AM Thread Starter
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Value

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I didnít want to, I love him but he gave me no other choice.
Upon reflection I have realized that it wasnít lack of love or respect, but a lack of value that was the cause. He did not value me.

Value... relative worth or importance. When you really value something you treat it different. I like to go back to this quote... effort is a reflection of interest.

I am writing this to make me feel better about my decision. Any thoughts are welcome

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post #2 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 11:46 AM
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Re: Value

Right decision without a doubt.

Hopefully, you’ll be able move on now that he’s shown you who he really is.
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post #3 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 12:09 PM
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Re: Value

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I didn’t want to, I love him but he gave me no other choice.
Upon reflection I have realized that it wasn’t lack of love or respect, but a lack of value that was the cause. He did not value me.

Value... relative worth or importance. When you really value something you treat it different. I like to go back to this quote... effort is a reflection of interest.

I am writing this to make me feel better about my decision. Any thoughts are welcome

I find the bolded comment above to be interesting, and a bit confusing.

Is it really even possible to truly love and respect someone you don't value? Isn't valuing a person, valuing their presence in your life, actually a prerequisite for love and respect?

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #4 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 01:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Value

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I find the bolded comment above to be interesting, and a bit confusing.

Is it really even possible to truly love and respect someone you don't value? Isn't valuing a person, valuing their presence in your life, actually a prerequisite for love and respect?


Maybe, maybe not.

To me, love is selfless and itís a reflection of who you are, not the other person (IMO). For example my exH is a narcissist, and he isnít capable of love. He ďlovedĒ me the most he could possibly love anyone, but he wasnít capable of being selfless and it reflected who HE was, not his feelings toward me.

Value IMO is more about the other person. At least in your perspective. When you look up the definition of value, itís a perceived importance of something or someone.

So my point is that my recent X has the ability to be an amazing partner to someone he values. My exH doesnít because he doesnít have that ability to love, but it has nothing to do me with, itís just whether or not I wanted to accept it.
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post #5 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 01:21 PM
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Re: Value

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I didn’t want to, I love him but he gave me no other choice.
Upon reflection I have realized that it wasn’t lack of love or respect, but a lack of value that was the cause. He did not value me.

Value... relative worth or importance. When you really value something you treat it different. I like to go back to this quote... effort is a reflection of interest.

I am writing this to make me feel better about my decision. Any thoughts are welcome
I agree value.... relative worth or importance, and when you really value something you do tend to treat it better.

Maybe what you hope was love really wasn't. Because if he has taken the time to know you. He would have be happy and able to love you and show you the value. So l do believe you saw right through this and saw it going nowhere. Except only you paying the price for the relationship. And that in it's self was reason enough.

Example l do love my sports car, and l do treat it differently than my truck. Why, l value it differently.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #6 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 01:41 PM
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Re: Value

IMO, he wants the benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities that come with it. He needs to grow up and maybe someday he will. Or not. But donít be tempted to take him back the way he is (and he may try to convince you that heíll change, blah, blah, blah). Move on with your life and see what the future brings. But for now? No.
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post #7 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 02:00 PM
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Re: Value

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I didnít want to, I love him but he gave me no other choice.
Upon reflection I have realized that it wasnít lack of love or respect, but a lack of value that was the cause. He did not value me.

Value... relative worth or importance. When you really value something you treat it different. I like to go back to this quote... effort is a reflection of interest.

I am writing this to make me feel better about my decision. Any thoughts are welcome
I went back to your Thread on 'Selfishness'.


Your words:
Quote:
I think that we are just becoming more and more selfish and we donít even realize it.
In the word, 'selfishness', is self.

We cannot escape ourselves.

It seems...

It seems that many were early-on spoiled: not to share, or had no need to share (as an only child).

In some, the Ego looms large, it cannot discount itself.

My take: Date those that are more giving, more attentive.
My take: You likely have no chemistry with those somewhat rare birds.

Chemistry and compatibility can be different bed partners.

Present life is before our eyes.

So many beautiful things, and beautiful people.
Many now, resist anything less.

We are woke!

Being aware makes for hard decision-making in such an exciting and diverse world.

If second best cannot fly, can you even make it second base from your home plate?

How good are you?

Ahh, in other's eyes, not in your own!

We are only as good as others allow this of us.



THRD-

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #8 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 02:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Value

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Originally Posted by Openminded View Post
IMO, he wants the benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities that come with it. He needs to grow up and maybe someday he will. Or not. But donít be tempted to take him back the way he is (and he may try to convince you that heíll change, blah, blah, blah). Move on with your life and see what the future brings. But for now? No.


I am foolishly hoping he realizes my worth and changes and comes back to me. I know this is unlikely but itís what I need to believe right now for the time being. What I do know is that I will not reach out to him. I know I deserve better. And I wonít accept him back the way he is.
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post #9 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 02:40 PM
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Re: Value

Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I didn’t want to, I love him but he gave me no other choice.
Upon reflection I have realized that it wasn’t lack of love or respect, but a lack of value that was the cause. He did not value me.

Value... relative worth or importance. When you really value something you treat it different. I like to go back to this quote... effort is a reflection of interest.

I am writing this to make me feel better about my decision. Any thoughts are welcome
Ok....Let's break it down. Why not. So you can get a better one next time. " I know I deserve better"

What makes you valuable?
What is your value on the sexual market place?


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"Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping."
"Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient."
"Nothing is as simultaneously, fear inspiring and arousing for women as a Man she suspects is self-aware of his own value."
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post #10 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 02:45 PM Thread Starter
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Value

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Originally Posted by StillSearching View Post
Ok....Let's break it down. Why not. So you can get a better one next time. " I know I deserve better"

What makes you valuable?
What is your value on the sexual market place?


I donít know what you mean but I am a catch. I have a great career and income. Iím smart, pretty, HD, moral, a good communicator, a good person, compassionate, empathetic, funny, hard worker. I donít play games. I know what I want and I go after it.

Oh and my problem is (was in this relationship) is that Iím too nice and Iím a giver. So much that I think he felt he had all power and value Iím the relationship because I made him feel that good.
He suffers from a false sense of entitlement.

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post #11 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 02:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Value

If youíre taking about the red pill sexual market value... I find that to be super sexist. My age is my age. I am fit and healthy. I look the way I look. The end.
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post #12 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 03:04 PM
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@Girl_power, I think your ex took you for granted. What was it about him that you liked?

The way I've associated value in a relationship is that people will invest their time, talent, and treasures into people and activities they care about even when it's not the easiest thing to do.
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post #13 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 03:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Value

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@Girl_power, I think your ex took you for granted. What was it about him that you liked?

The way I've associated value in a relationship is that people will invest their time, talent, and treasures into people and activities they care about even when it's not the easiest thing to do.


I agree with this.

He was different in the beginning (as usual). I was attracted to him, we both wanted the same things in life, he was smart, we have similar backgrounds, he was mature in the sense that he didnít want to play games and he knows he wants to get married and have kids. And he treated me really good In the beginning. He went above and beyond for me. The first fight we got into he admitted he was wrong, brought over flowed and we had a good honest conversation about it and he took responsibility.
I think there was a turning point at a certain point in the relationship. We got into a fight, I think it was me saying something along the lines of not being happy and needing more. And from his point of view he thought he was treating me so good and basically nothing ever makes me happy so why try. That was the turning point and he stopped trying so hard.
So I understand that I am not innocent In this.
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post #14 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 04:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lila View Post
@Girl_power, I think your ex took you for granted. What was it about him that you liked?

The way I've associated value in a relationship is that people will invest their time, talent, and treasures into people and activities they care about even when it's not the easiest thing to do.


I agree with this.

He was different in the beginning (as usual). I was attracted to him, we both wanted the same things in life, he was smart, we have similar backgrounds, he was mature in the sense that he didn’t want to play games and he knows he wants to get married and have kids. And he treated me really good In the beginning. He went above and beyond for me. The first fight we got into he admitted he was wrong, brought over flowed and we had a good honest conversation about it and he took responsibility.
I think there was a turning point at a certain point in the relationship. We got into a fight, I think it was me saying something along the lines of not being happy and needing more. And from his point of view he thought he was treating me so good and basically nothing ever makes me happy so why try. That was the turning point and he stopped trying so hard.
So I understand that I am not innocent In this.
Can you elaborate... What do you think you did to make your ex stop trying?
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post #15 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-16-2019, 04:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Value

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Can you elaborate... What do you think you did to make your ex stop trying?


Whatever it was... it made him feel like I didnít appreciate him, and no matter what he did he couldnít make me happy. So Iím sure it was me complaining and not appreciating him enough.
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