Re: Fairness, Equality and Consistency in a Marriage
In this situation, your want to be both 'reasonable and fair' is getting you run over.
Shifting that ever-so-slightly to 'unreasonable but fair' will give you the recipe to deal with it, however it will also lead to more conflict.
And maybe I'm off on this, but you sound like somebody who is conflict-averse.
There is a simple script you can use that will help.
"I'm not okay with you attempting to hold me to a standard that you feel free to ignore."
Then go on about your business. No discussion. No arguing.
If she raises her voice:
"I'm not okay with yelling."
Then go back to your business again.
The third time you feel like you are about to use the "I'm not okay with..." statement:
"Are you done?"
If she still rants:
Then walk away.
The beauty of these statement is they effectively hold a mirror up to her hypocrisy while avoiding engaging in a discussion that has no opportunity for a positive outcome. At least, not the way things are right now.
Lastly, it sounds like you have fallen into a dynamic where you allow her to set the standards by which you live your life. Not only is that a sure-fire way for her respect for you to erode, but that is no way for a mature, self-sufficient man to live.
If it needs to be done, do it.
If it's a priority to you, you have no excuses not to do it.
If it is a priority to her, you get to choose whether or not to view it the same way.
If she were being reasonable, then I would be more than willing to meet her request 9 of 10 times.
Because she's being domineering, when you have clearly indicated you are not okay with it, then it requires action on your part.
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"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.
"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley