roles, rights and benefits - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 04:59 AM Thread Starter
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roles, rights and benefits

What is the role of a spouse?
What are the rights of a spouse and who give those rights?
What are the benefits of a spouse?

Do all spouses have the same Roles, Rights and Benefits or are there confusions about these?
Did you as a spouse ever discuss your role, rights and benefits with your spouse or someone else?
What guarantees your rights?

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 05:19 AM
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Re: roles, rights and benefits

Quote:
Originally Posted by MaiChi View Post
What is the role of a spouse?
What are the rights of a spouse and who give those rights?
What are the benefits of a spouse?

Do all spouses have the same Roles, Rights and Benefits or are there confusions about these?
Did you as a spouse ever discuss your role, rights and benefits with your spouse or someone else?
What guarantees your rights?
The roles are defined by the couple, and usually are heavily influenced by their culture and society. In some places, there may also be legal definitions/requirements.
The rights are partly defined by law, partly by culture and tradition, and partly by the couple.
The benefits are partly defined by law (essentially the same as rights), but mostly by what each person is willing to give to the other, so that's completely arbitrary.

Aside from legally defined items, there is no uniformity, so there is often confusion, even when the couple negotiates their expectations.
We discussed our expectations and boundaries with each other before deciding to live together, and also before marrying.
Aside from the law and courts when petitioned, nothing guarantees our rights, but we each have the option of leaving and divorcing if our expectations are violated.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 06:52 AM
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Re: roles, rights and benefits

I agree with the above. Each couple makes their own roles, but unfortunately I doubt many even think that deeply about it let alone discuss it. The problem is we all assume the other person knows, and we assume we are all on the same page. But then we all are unhappy because of unmet expectations that we placed on our spouse.

Rights and benefits to me are legal. Beyond that, benefits include (hopefully) companionship, family, sex, love.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 06:59 AM
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Rights and benefits to me are legal. Beyond that, benefits include (hopefully) companionship, family, sex, love.
You nailed it I don’t want to give away anymore of my legal rights and benefits to another person. The other benefits you mentioned, which are important to me, you can achieve without being legally bound to another person.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 08:36 AM
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Re: roles, rights and benefits

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You nailed it I don’t want to give away anymore of my legal rights and benefits to another person. The other benefits you mentioned, which are important to me, you can achieve without being legally bound to another person.
And one has to stay emotionally and financially capable able to exist on one's own at anytime.

That is one tenant of being able to give and receive purposeful closeness and avoid feelings of resentment, allowing a richness of giving intentionally an SO.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 08:51 AM
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Re: roles, rights and benefits

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And one has to stay emotionally and financially capable able to exist on one's own at anytime.

That is one tenant of being able to give and receive purposeful closeness and avoid feelings of resentment, allowing a richness of giving intentionally an SO.
I dont agree on that. There are many things far more important to me than worrying about having enough money to live on if my marriage ended. WE seem to manage to give and receive closeness anyway.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 11:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: roles, rights and benefits

My questions arise from a very unusual case I came across on my travels over the holidays. I will not say which country is was but the wife wanted children while the husband did not.
The husband insisted on using contraception and did not trust his wife to be the one for contraception so he use condoms all the time.
The wife wanted to get pregnant so she waited to they have used the first condom in a pack, then she carefully cut a very small hole at ends of remaining condoms and repackaged them.
When she got pregnant, four years into the marriage, the husband said the baby was not his. It is when she was forced to explain how she got pregnant then he initially was so mad with her that he left. He is back now but he is not happy. Their fight involved a lot of damage to the house and police initially. There was a near stabbing as she defended herself with a kitchen knife.

She says she did everything a wife must do and deserved to have his baby.
He says she trashed his rights as a husband.

I am thinking. I had never considered the rights of a spouse till now. We spent nearly two years discussing what we wanted in our marriage and wrote everything down, but those are not RIGHTS. They are protocols which may include roles, but they are not rights.

So I asked the person telling me the story, who gives any of use rights in marriage and what are they? How do I know what my rights are?
I can negotiate my role and my benefits.

Both the man and the woman crossed wide lines in my book. Very sad story.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 03:56 PM
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Re: roles, rights and benefits

There are legal rights, moral rights, emotional rights, and physical rights.

There are widely accepted variants, regional, global variants too.

Some 99% of the world populace agree on in theory, some the 1% will kill you as they believe it their right, and nothing would be said.

Roles; virtually the same.

Benefits? Beyond the "widely accepted" which again varies regionally to globally, are open to even very extreme interpretation.

Start by saying, what may be the norms in the good ol' USA?

Or where?

(Trying not to be presumptuous), not being a smart-butt.
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