What is normal for a married man
My husband is 54 and recently I found in his phone's history, years of searching for 100+ women, mostly under 35 years old. I had told him I was going on his phone, so he knew I was looking and I almost gave the phone back because I was done, but saw one woman's name he searched for, then another, then another and then it ended up being at least 100 over the 3 years history on his phone. He works with most of them or has worked with them in the past. There are also other disturbing finds such as my daughter's teacher, sales women from places we've been, our Realtor, moms from my kids' schools, etc. He searches for their phone numbers, addresses, pictures, looks on their social media accounts, Linkedin, whatever is available. He says he's not ever contacted any of them but talked to one on several occasions because she was a mom on my son's school's volleyball team and my husband coached for a while, so he sought her out after games (but this one I could prove, so he had to admit it and others I can't prove). She lives a mile from us and he walks our dog for a good hour a night, so I can't help but wonder if he had been walking by her house, sort of stalking.???
We've had many many problems over the years, in and out of marriage counseling and several years ago had found out from a mutual friend that he had 50+ women on his Linkedin account that were again all under 35, attractive, single, yet he had told me for 10 years that he didn't work with any women and didn't know any. He has "no" female friends. He said yes he did work with women but didn't want to tell me and that they all wanted resume help. He contacted 10 of them giving them his personal phone number on his last day at that company. That brought us to marriage counseling after that and also due to his disappearing at 5am from home (sneaking out of bed, showering then quietly leaving) until he went into the office. When I confronted him about this, he said that he couldn't sleep and went into the office.
Fast forward to now, and here we have twice as many women suddenly appear on his phone and 30+/- years younger than he is. It takes quite a bit of effort to get any type of explanation out of him, but he now says he was just curious about them, never has had any sexual or relationship interest in any of them. That, I find hard to believe. He says he doesn't know why he looks them up, maybe it's due to things he doesn't like in our relationship, then says no that's not why, then says it may be my weight (I've gained 25 lbs. not exactly tremendously significant) then says no it's not, or that they have better careers, then says no it's not. The one volleyball woman lives about a mile from us and my husband walks our dog for a good hour a night and he had mentioned that she was his "favorite" out of all of them, but still has no type of interest in her although he approached her after games to talk numerous times.
I'm at a complete loss as to what to think here. He says he didn't realize there was anything wrong with being attracted to 22 year olds because they're over 18 aside from the fact that he shouldn't be attracted to other women. He says he's curious and attracted to them that's why he looks them up. This has been a weekly occurrence over the past 10 years. A few of the women, he has "followed" online for 3, 5, 10 years. I wonder if this is all typical for married men and over 50.
Last edited by Meredith767; 01-03-2020 at 04:23 PM.