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post #16 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 12:20 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks guys. Good responses here. And to the once giving encouragement I super thank you and the warm welcome too.

When I reflect back I see her total kindness. But when things we're bad I see nothing but the evil come out. She even prides herself by saying "I know I can be a total B****" or things like " I know I'm very hard to deal with".

She believes if she's upset she can take it out on a man like slap him and he is supposed to in her words " take it like a man". And she would yell her lungs out in arguments and when I would say I don't appreciate or want us to yell especially Infront of the kids she would say I'm trying to restrict her. That that is how she knows how to let go of her anger.

I have considered if she is boderline.
The way she sees me as all bad now makes me tend to think she had BPD.
Her sister does have a mental issue and is confined sometimes and so did her late grandma.
I love her and wish I could resolve issues. She has done a lot for me and I in part didn't live up to her expectations. She receives counsel from her girlfriends who I don't like. She even told me one of them had been urging her to get rid of me.

I'm receiving 60 percent pay as I'm sick. Short term disability. We have an acct I put money into. When she told me recently she needed some things I told her sure go ahead but kindly use that much not more. As I still have bills too.
I was yelled at about not being a man. Nickle and diming. How when she had she gave to me without question etc. I told her I'm not saying that cause I want to deny her things. I'm in essence saying use wisely. Eg get.diapers and wipes but don't exceed this amount and since next week I'm getting another check, then next time you can get more baby stuff etc.
She then proceeds to use 150$ extra. I'm getting a separate account.
I'll forever be reminded how when I was down she did for me. It's always thrown in my face. And all her family and friends are told that.
Her family even told me that that is her house and not mine. I refused the disrespectful insults and left.
She is now struggling financially and with the weight of 3 kids and a home. She's told me that. But she wants to carry on living apart. She's told me not to contact her again till I get better and back to work where I can be able to go over there and pick up the baby and give her some rest. I agree with that. She's frustrated. She's scared. She's pregnant. Etc. I'm not making excuses. In my view her friends do her no justice.

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post #17 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 02:41 AM
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Re: Separated. Wife pregnant. Another man?

How many months pregnant is she?

She says that the house is hers? Did she buy it before you two got married? Or did the two of you buy it together?

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post #18 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 04:11 AM Thread Starter
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Actually renting it
I found her at the house. She had been there for less than a yr. My house burnt down and that's how I ended up moving with her.
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post #19 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 04:11 AM Thread Starter
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post #20 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 09:10 AM
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Re: Separated. Wife pregnant. Another man?

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She's 3 months pregnant
Is the baby yours?

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post #21 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 08:06 PM Thread Starter
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post #22 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 09:05 PM
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Re: Separated. Wife pregnant. Another man?

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Yes
I’d get a paternity test regardless of what you believe. Nope, you don’t bring it up or say anything now.
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post #23 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 09:17 PM
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Re: Separated. Wife pregnant. Another man?

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She believes if she's upset she can take it out on a man like slap him and he is supposed to in her words " take it like a man". And she would yell her lungs out in arguments and when I would say I don't appreciate or want us to yell especially Infront of the kids she would say I'm trying to restrict her. That that is how she knows how to let go of her anger.

I have considered if she is boderline.

I'm receiving 60 percent pay as I'm sick. Short term disability. We have an acct I put money into. When she told me recently she needed some things I told her sure go ahead but kindly use that much not more. As I still have bills too.

I was yelled at about not being a man. Nickle and diming. How when she had she gave to me without question etc. I told her I'm not saying that cause I want to deny her things. I'm in essence saying use wisely. Eg get.diapers and wipes but don't exceed this amount and since next week I'm getting another check, then next time you can get more baby stuff etc.

She then proceeds to use 150$ extra. I'm getting a separate account.
I'll forever be reminded how when I was down she did for me. It's always thrown in my face. And all her family and friends are told that.
Her family even told me that that is her house and not mine. I refused the disrespectful insults and left.

She's told me not to contact her again till I get better and back to work where I can be able to go over there and pick up the baby and give her some rest. I agree with that. She's frustrated. She's scared. She's pregnant. Etc. I'm not making excuses. In my view her friends do her no justice.
Let me say something, this is controlling and abusive. I understand we as men are taught we can handle this, but it is absolutely not true.

You need to tell us why you separated.
Even if the separation is your fault, slapping you is not okay.
Verbally abusing you is not okay.
Allowing her family and friends to insult you is not okay.

Even if she has BPD, it is not okay.
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post #24 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 09:33 PM
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Re: Separated. Wife pregnant. Another man?

The situation you are in is NOT healthy and you need to decide what is best for you. I would ask for a paternity test on the baby. What this woman is doing is not just hormonal reactions, this is abusive.
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post #25 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 10:48 PM
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Re: Separated. Wife pregnant. Another man?

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The situation you are in is NOT healthy and you need to decide what is best for you. I would ask for a paternity test on the baby. What this woman is doing is not just hormonal reactions, this is abusive.
This is true. Many other pregnant woman do not slap other people.

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post #26 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 12:01 AM
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Re: Separated. Wife pregnant. Another man?

Please do not accept excuses for her appalling behaviour being caused by hormones because she's pregnant. That's BS. Plenty of pregnant women all over the world don't hit other people. Plenty of women PMSing or having their period don't hit other people. Unacceptable.

Can you imagine the outrage (justified outrage) if a man accused of raping a woman said his hormones made him do it?
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post #27 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 01:45 AM Thread Starter
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The hitting was before pregnancy but recently when we were arguing.

She's always right. The lack of respect came about cause I was earning less and making strides with her effort to improve. Got a better job started making more, double what I was making but she said I never provided I contributed cause she bore most of the financial burden. In a few months I get another promotion and earn equal to what she does. This wasn't good enough. She said she doesn't want to see the process of me getting there she wants results. I asked how do I get there without a process. I've already doubled income. In 2 months I'll be making the same. That's not good enough. She doesn't want to see that process. Just results.
I'd work 12 hr day's manual labor and be expected to come home take out trash and cook when her brother who's 27 didn't do anything. I was told other men work 2 jobs a day. Come home do chores. Go to kids games. Pick up kids and when they get home, are eagerly asking their women " what can I do to help around the house". Even though she works from home.
I said this sounds impossible to me. Getting home at 8 pm to cook when 2 adults are home all day.

Now the ex bro in law, her sisters ex hubby, who's a wonderful soul and still does for his ex wife even though she has a new man, is running errands for my wife. Fixing the house when she wanted renovations. Picking her up food when she asks, if he isn't working. She works from home. So she lets him keep her car so he can do things like pick up kids from after school activities for her. Bring her take out when he is free.
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post #28 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 02:44 AM
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Re: Separated. Wife pregnant. Another man?

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Originally Posted by Gmason View Post
Thanks guys. Good responses here. And to the once giving encouragement I super thank you and the warm welcome too.

When I reflect back I see her total kindness. But when things we're bad I see nothing but the evil come out. She even prides herself by saying "I know I can be a total B****" or things like " I know I'm very hard to deal with".

She believes if she's upset she can take it out on a man like slap him and he is supposed to in her words " take it like a man". And she would yell her lungs out in arguments and when I would say I don't appreciate or want us to yell especially Infront of the kids she would say I'm trying to restrict her. That that is how she knows how to let go of her anger.

I have considered if she is boderline.
The way she sees me as all bad now makes me tend to think she had BPD.
Her sister does have a mental issue and is confined sometimes and so did her late grandma.
I love her and wish I could resolve issues. She has done a lot for me and I in part didn't live up to her expectations. She receives counsel from her girlfriends who I don't like. She even told me one of them had been urging her to get rid of me.

I'm receiving 60 percent pay as I'm sick. Short term disability. We have an acct I put money into. When she told me recently she needed some things I told her sure go ahead but kindly use that much not more. As I still have bills too.
I was yelled at about not being a man. Nickle and diming. How when she had she gave to me without question etc. I told her I'm not saying that cause I want to deny her things. I'm in essence saying use wisely. Eg get.diapers and wipes but don't exceed this amount and since next week I'm getting another check, then next time you can get more baby stuff etc.
She then proceeds to use 150$ extra. I'm getting a separate account.
I'll forever be reminded how when I was down she did for me. It's always thrown in my face. And all her family and friends are told that.
Her family even told me that that is her house and not mine. I refused the disrespectful insults and left.
She is now struggling financially and with the weight of 3 kids and a home. She's told me that. But she wants to carry on living apart. She's told me not to contact her again till I get better and back to work where I can be able to go over there and pick up the baby and give her some rest. I agree with that. She's frustrated. She's scared. She's pregnant. Etc. I'm not making excuses. In my view her friends do her no justice.

You sound very young or immature, not sure which.
Why would you get involved with someone who has so many kids with different men, that was already a red red flag!
The fact she can scream and shout and hit you, is another red flag
She don't bother to bring your kid to see you, another red flag
you throwing yourself at her feet and looking for her attention, another red flag.
Man up for goodness sake. She doesn't love you the way you love her
Are you married? I hope note
Best thing you can do is get yourself fully recovered
Seek legal counsel to determine your rights as a father
Get yourself back to work and aim to support your kids and get access to them
Stop pining for her, she may have treated you well at one point but seems as soon as you left, she has forgotten you. YOu need to take back control. Go no contact and do the 180 on her
No ex brother in law will do all that work for nothing, you have every right to be suspicious

The life you have, is the life you create
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post #29 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 09:29 AM
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Cool Re: Separated. Wife pregnant. Another man?

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Originally Posted by frusdil View Post
Please do not accept excuses for her appalling behaviour being caused by hormones because she's pregnant. That's BS. Plenty of pregnant women all over the world don't hit other people. Plenty of women PMSing or having their period don't hit other people. Unacceptable.

Can you imagine the outrage (justified outrage) if a man accused of raping a woman said that it was his hormones that made him do it?
If I were a sitting Judge, I'd simply salivate to hear that one in my courtroom! I'd gleefully throw his a$$ in jail then smilingly tell him that it was "my hormones that made me do it!"

The best remedy? Paternity(DNA) test both kids. If the results aren't 100% that they're both yours, then I'd be over in my family attorney's office in a heartbeat!

Either she's crazier than a peach orchard sow, or you've been unceremoniously turned into her Plan B!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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Last edited by arbitrator; 01-19-2020 at 09:40 AM. Reason: Edit
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post #30 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 11:36 AM Thread Starter
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My daughter looks like me 100 percent. Im Not worried about her cheating, she may have 10000000 issues but cheating I assure isn't one of them. And I mean that. I don't even hate her.

What I shall do is the following.

Work on myself.
Provide for my daughter n the one yet to be born.
Do right by her cause karma is real. That doesn't mean I be a door mat. I'm sensible. I don't believe in repaying bad with bad. That doesn't mean I'll be a fool. I think you understand me.
What I will not out up with is her manipulation. Her yelling. We either co parent amicably or we co parent amicably.
One thing I know is, she will realize the dating scene out there isn't easy. Let's be honest. What man wants a woman with 4 kids. Two of whom are infants. Will such man come in and provide and love and be that man who just gives gives gives . I believe she will reflect and one day realize I'm not that bad. At such a time cause I do love her, we shall sit down and make ground rules for re uniting. If that's the case. What I shall not do is seek other women. I have my kids to worry about. 3 daughter's. They are my priority. I want them to come to my house and be the queen's of the house . Not another woman. Those are my principles. I will work hard and invest for my daughter's. They deserve that. Not another woman.
I'm hurting and wish she could swallow her pride and all.
Her ex bro in law had tried making moves on her in the past before I met her. She was repulsed and took him to his wife, her sister, and had him say what he tried to do. That bro in law is now divorced from her sis though. But still doing for my wife and his ex wife.
She's overwhelmed with 2 older kids and our 20 month old. A new baby comes July 5 th. I'll treat her good and kid for her sake and kids.sake. I don't believe in being an a hole. Not in me. Won't do it. That's also the example I want my daughter's to see. She will one day believe me realise that I'm.not all black as she has painted me . And this is what makes me.believe she is borderline
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