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post #106 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:02 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondilocks View Post
"The 30 year old step-daughter happen to get up in the morning to use the bathroom and overheard him playing out a perverted act using her name while watching porn."
Quote:
Originally Posted by hilariouslaughter View Post
It is completely clear. Either people read it too quickly or they are choosing not to comprehend what they read correctly.

It seems pretty clear to me.
Well, by the rules of grammar instilled in me by those nuns with a yardstick, it is at best ambiguous.

"Him playing out a perverted act using her name while watching porn" has the clause "using her name" modifying "perverted act", which is a fair possibility if he had the computer audio on.

For it to be as unambiguous as you say, the sentence should be constructed as

"The 30 year old step-daughter happens to get up in the morning to use the bathroom and overheard him using her name while playing out a perverted act while watching porn."

Not that I think this was what the author implied, and I hate being a pedantic grammarian, but you are being quite strident over it.

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post #107 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:11 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

Well, it might be legal and within your rights to do something deranged and incredibly stupid but there are repercussions.

It is probably legal to eat your lawn mower in most states but you are not going to avoid repercussions for being a first class moron.

Same concept applies to whacking off to fantasies about your stepdaughter and especially being verbal about it.

The mother in this scenario must have a self evaluation and esteem on the level with regurgitated feces to stay with this mountain of dino poop or she is so desparate as to believe she doesn't have a choice.
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post #108 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:12 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

Here's the thing. The pedophilia angle is a concern but even without having a 1 year old daughter living in the same house and now not knowing.

It's creepy even as the adult daughter. I think wilson's post best described it. And from a wife's perspective fantasizing about live people in the same house is not ok. Fantasizing about my daughter even if she didn't live in our house is not ok.

While the mother doesn't have to do anything the daughter asked. I don't think it is ever over the line for someone who is your flesh and blood and loves you, worries about you to have an opinion and express it to you. The daughter is now uncomfortable there is probably other problems as well and she voiced her opinion that mom should divorce the guy.

Anyone who doesn't like can live somewhere else including mom (depends on whose house it actually is).

Further the OP stated that he was caught in a perverted act. " The 30 year old step-daughter happen to get up in the morning to use the bathroom and overheard him playing out a perverted act using her name while watching porn." Standard English the guy was using her name while playing out a perverted act. Grant you perhaps the OP didn't type what she meant.

But as typed isn't about porn isn't about pedaphilia it's about inappropriate thoughts and actions directed toward the daughter. And no even if he wasn't saying it aloud having those thoughts about a live person who lives in your house is inappropriate.
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post #109 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:14 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

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Originally Posted by Cletus View Post
Well, by the rules of grammar instilled in me by those nuns with a yardstick, it is at best ambiguous.

"Him playing out a perverted act using her name while watching porn" has the clause "using her name" modifying "perverted act", which is a fair possibility if he had the computer audio on.

For it to be as unambiguous as you say, the sentence should be constructed as

"The 30 year old step-daughter happens to get up in the morning to use the bathroom and overheard him using her name while playing out a perverted act while watching porn."

Not that I think this was what the author implied, and I hate being a pedantic grammarian, but you are being quite strident over it.
C'mon, Cletus. It is hard to take your grammar skills seriously when you can't even get the quotes sorted correctly.

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post #110 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:15 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

I never knew that people verbalised while masturbating privately. As to calling out her name, it could certainly be a reference to the stepdaughter, although it could also be in reference to an ex, a friend or an acquaintance etc.

At the end of the day though it's his place, his mind and his body. So he can fantasise about anyone or anything he likes while masturbating. That said if his stepdaughter doesn't like him (which is understandable) or like that ('cause most probably don't want to hear that), she can pack her bags and leave.

As to his wife, if she accepts it or doesn't that's up to her, either choice is okay.

For some people (and this may apply to his wife) masturbation and looking at pornography is not frowned upon, and they don't care what people fantasise about sexually while conscious, or dream about sexually while unconscious, especially when such thoughts are not actually acted upon.
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post #111 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:22 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

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C'mon, Cletus. It is hard to take your grammar skills seriously when you can't even get the quotes sorted correctly.
A refutation poor this is.
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post #112 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:24 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

* sigh *

Let me, yet again, quote the original post:

Quote:
Ok here is a situation.

A husband has a porn addiction. It's pretty perverted but it's all fantasy during that time. The 30 year old step-daughter happen to get up in the morning to use the bathroom and overheard him playing out a perverted act using her name while watching porn. She was utterly disgusted. The daughter is living with him and her mom, with her young daughter til she gets a job so all are living in the same house and this happens.

What kind of advise can I give all involved? Here is how it played out and where things are so far:

1. The daughter went and told her mom out of disgust.
2. The mom confronted the husband and first he acted outraged and defensive because he felt like it's his house and he didn't think anyone was up. I think he was just embarrassed so he reacted.
3. The daughter got upset with the mom because she felt this is where she should draw the line and divorce him, but the mom said she didn't like that this happend but they have been working thru it.
4. After everything calmed down, the husband did approach the daughter and apologized sincerely.
5. The daughter is just disgusted and doesn't want anything to do with him anymore so now they just don't speak and she won't even let her 1 year old daughter around him.
6. The mother has pretty much backed away and let them work it out because she says she doesn't know what else to say about it.

Any thoughts?
I have quoted the ENTIRE POST so there is no taking anything out of context.

What we know, from this post, is that the husband has a porn addiction. We can imply that husband acknowledges his porn addiction and that wife/mom also knows it's there and is working through it with him based on this: "...but the mom said she didn't like that this happend but they have been working thru it."

Next, the OP says:
Quote:
It's pretty perverted but it's all fantasy during that time.
We do not know what this exactly means. I don't think porn is particulary "perverted" (that isn't an adjective I'd use to describe it--I think I'd choose "graphic") but some people might think that straight, normal porn IS perverted. On the other hand, it could be something truly disgusting like golden showers or S&M...WE DON"T KNOW. What we DO know from "...it's all fantasy during that time" is that no matter what his kink may be, in his own home he sets aside time to do this activity, and he does not ACT on it but rather fantasizes about it. In other words, it's all in his head while he watches it on some screen.

Now here comes the REALLY important sentence:
Quote:
The 30 year old step-daughter happen to get up in the morning to use the bathroom and overheard him playing out a perverted act using her name while watching porn.
How many of you have actually been to a porn site? It's fairly commonplace for a place to have a couple "regular" guys and gals in their movies, so you can pick out all of movies with "Angela" in it, and all you do is watch "Angela" in different scenarios: solo, with a girl, with a guy, with a couple girls, a gang bang...whatever. So if the step-daughter's name just so happened to also be "Angela", well the dude isn't thinking about HER. He's thinking about the regular girl from his brand of porn (and her fake name). It's also fairly commonplace to have a particular kind of kink, and have various videso OF that kink with titles like "Angela Loves Big Boobs" etc. Use your imagination. Again, the focus is on the kink (aka "Big Boobs") not on the fake name they add to the actress, and REALLY not on the step-daughter.

NOTE that nowhere does it say that he was playing out the perverted act FANTASIZING ABOUT DOING IT WITH THE STEP-DAUGHTER. It says using her name while watching porn.

So we can not make the leap that he was thinking of her, being creepy, etc. He was in his own home, it's his kink, his wife knows he likes it, they are working through it, and he did it at a time that he believed he'd have privacy. I mean, GEEZ for all we know, he likes to wear lingerie and while he was wearing a bra and panties he watched a cross-dressing porn with someone who had step-daughter's name. See what I mean? It may not be OUR cup of tea, and we may think "Ewww...cross-dressing" but there is no evidence to jump to the conclusion he was fantasizing about her. [And by the way, if he WAS, then I do agree that would be gross and crossing a line.]

A couple more, really important sentences:
Quote:
She was utterly disgusted. The daughter is living with him and her mom, with her young daughter til she gets a job so all are living in the same house and this happens.
Okay so step-D is 30yo and has a 1yo (the grand-daughter aka GD). At 30yo, she is an adult and personally responsible for herself, her food and shelter, her bills, and caring for her own child. The fact that her mom and mom's husband were kind enough to give her a place to stay does not mean it's "her house"--it means she is their guest. The mom and husband are the ones in a marriage relationship and in their marriage, they own the house and it is THEIR house. The step-D is not part of that marriage and is a guest in the home that mom and husband possess. It is legal for a person to have a strange kink in the privacy of their own home as long as they don't harm others or cause harm to someone else's property (like property damage). Again, we don't know what the kink is, but let's say is whacking off into high heel shoes! LOL I'm just saying, that's a little out there, right? Anyway, so where SHOULD a human being who gets sexually excited by high heel shoes express themselves sexually? IN THEIR OWN HOME, right? WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF THEIR INTIMATE PARTNER, right? And further, he was doing it at night when everyone was asleep (or so he thought). So he's not out prowling around; he's not randomly hooking up with minors; he's not soliciting prostitutes...

The GUEST in his home was disgusted. The GUEST who was up late at night. The GUEST who isn't his intimate life partner. He knew he had this kink and was working through it. His wife knew he had this kink and was working through it. The people who owned the home knew he had this addiction and were addressing it together in a way they both agreed with.

The next bit tells us what went down. After each think that was written by the OP and is not speculation or assumptions, I'll make my comment.

1. The daughter went and told her mom out of disgust.
ME: Step-D is an adult and if she has an issue with another adult, why go complain to someone else? Why not take personal responsibility and go straight to the person she has a problem with? I get it--mom's and daughter's have a relationship--but step-D's issue isn't with mom, and she's just trying to put her mom into a position of having to take sides against her own husband. Frankly that step-D is not a friend of the marriage!

2. The mom confronted the husband and first he acted outraged and defensive because he felt like it's his house and he didn't think anyone was up. I think he was just embarrassed so he reacted.
ME: Okay so he's a human being and got defensive. What's your kink? If someone caught you at it red-handed and said it was DISGUSTING and you should be divorced over it, would you defend yourself? (shrug) Seems like a fairly typical reaction to me. Not honorable...but understandable.

3. The daughter got upset with the mom because she felt this is where she should draw the line and divorce him, but the mom said she didn't like that this happend but they have been working thru it.
ME: So the guest in the house is trying to drive the home owner out of his own home, because SHE was offended. She's trying to drive a wedge between the two intimate life partners who knew about his addiction and had reached an agreement on how to deal with it. Sounds to me as if the step-D is entitled and needs to learn how to grow up!

4. After everything calmed down, the husband did approach the daughter and apologized sincerely.
ME: So again, not jumping to conclusions because we don't know what the fantasy IS nor what the step-D's name is... husband was mature enough to understand how this would maybe shake up the step-D and reasonable enough to be the one to go to her and express regret for offending her. So he could calm down, stop being defensive, admit to himself the things that were on his side of the road, man up, take personal responsibility, go approach her, and attempt to make amends. Frankly, that sounds pretty reasonable to me.

5. The daughter is just disgusted and doesn't want anything to do with him anymore so now they just don't speak and she won't even let her 1 year old daughter around him.
ME: Okay, she can be disgusted--that's her choice. She can also withhold her child because as the parent she's responsible for protecting the child. But if she wants to continue to live as a guest in husband's house, she has to accept that she doesn't make the rules and he's allowed to sexually express himself with his wife in his own home. I mean, that the morally acceptable way TO express yourself sexually--with your wife in your own home!

6. The mother has pretty much backed away and let them work it out because she says she doesn't know what else to say about it.
ME: Personally I don't think mom should be involved. It's between step-D and husband, and they don't have to like each other. Mom is working through it with her husband. At no point to we have any inclination husband was fantasizing ABOUT step-D or pedophila or anything. It was just described as "perverted". What if it was bondage? What if it was getting aroused by teddy bears? Phone sex? My point is that those things are kind of "out there" and no one would want to envision their parents doing that...and yet consenting adults DO. The kids may not like it, but the parents are free to make their own choices AND live with the benefits and costs of those choices.


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post #113 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:29 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

I really can't understand why we are having this conversation.

I will call it as I see it:

Stepdad "Oh, Daphne! Let me tie you up, cover you in chocolate sauce, lick it all off of you and then let us indulge in acts of hedonistic carnal congress the likes of which have been unknown since the days of the Roman Empire!" Etc., etc., with several guttural sounds for good measure.

Next day: "Oh, Daphne, would you mind getting some chocolate sauce next time you go visit the store? We're all out, I think."

The problem is that once a bell has been rung, it's not possible to unring it.



She knows he fantasises about her. Fantasises about "playing out a perverted act using her name while watching porn". So. What happens should he accidentally, of course, takes his fantasies a little nearer to realty? Or even a lot nearer to reality?

He might not, but why would she, why should she, take that risk?

Has pornography perverted his mind?

No! Not a bit of it! He is a pervert who has sought out certain types of specialised pornography because it feeds his perversion.

I know of someone who acted in a way similar to the stepdad described here. People were told: "Oh, it's only a harmless fantasy. Just ignore it!"

He is actually serving a life sentence for killing a woman (a friend of his) as part of his "harmless" fantasies.

Stepdaughter can't take that risk. Because she has a baby daughter to bring up.

Her mother doesn't mind her husband having fantasies of him performing perverted acts on or with her own daughter? That's, what? Problematic, perhaps?


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post #114 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:32 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

****ing A @Affaircare. I wish I could like this post a thousand times.
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post #115 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:32 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

@Affaircare

You are making assumptions like the rest of us on many points.

If he was fantasizing about his daughter in law, who is not in a good situation while living in his home with her tiny daughter, he is a goddamned piece of ****.

If your take on it is more accurate, he is still a moron but less onerous.

OP, do you have any clarification on this point?

Was this weirdo fantasizing about his stepdaughter?

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post #116 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 08:55 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by Affaircare View Post
* sigh *



Let me, yet again, quote the original post:







I have quoted the ENTIRE POST so there is no taking anything out of context.



What we know, from this post, is that the husband has a porn addiction. We can imply that husband acknowledges his porn addiction and that wife/mom also knows it's there and is working through it with him based on this: "...but the mom said she didn't like that this happend but they have been working thru it."



Next, the OP says:



We do not know what this exactly means. I don't think porn is particulary "perverted" (that isn't an adjective I'd use to describe it--I think I'd choose "graphic") but some people might think that straight, normal porn IS perverted. On the other hand, it could be something truly disgusting like golden showers or S&M...WE DON"T KNOW. What we DO know from "...it's all fantasy during that time" is that no matter what his kink may be, in his own home he sets aside time to do this activity, and he does not ACT on it but rather fantasizes about it. In other words, it's all in his head while he watches it on some screen.



Now here comes the REALLY important sentence:





How many of you have actually been to a porn site? It's fairly commonplace for a place to have a couple "regular" guys and gals in their movies, so you can pick out all of movies with "Angela" in it, and all you do is watch "Angela" in different scenarios: solo, with a girl, with a guy, with a couple girls, a gang bang...whatever. So if the step-daughter's name just so happened to also be "Angela", well the dude isn't thinking about HER. He's thinking about the regular girl from his brand of porn (and her fake name). It's also fairly commonplace to have a particular kind of kink, and have various videso OF that kink with titles like "Angela Loves Big Boobs" etc. Use your imagination. Again, the focus is on the kink (aka "Big Boobs") not on the fake name they add to the actress, and REALLY not on the step-daughter.



NOTE that nowhere does it say that he was playing out the perverted act FANTASIZING ABOUT DOING IT WITH THE STEP-DAUGHTER. It says using her name while watching porn.



So we can not make the leap that he was thinking of her, being creepy, etc. He was in his own home, it's his kink, his wife knows he likes it, they are working through it, and he did it at a time that he believed he'd have privacy. I mean, GEEZ for all we know, he likes to wear lingerie and while he was wearing a bra and panties he watched a cross-dressing porn with someone who had step-daughter's name. See what I mean? It may not be OUR cup of tea, and we may think "Ewww...cross-dressing" but there is no evidence to jump to the conclusion he was fantasizing about her. [And by the way, if he WAS, then I do agree that would be gross and crossing a line.]



A couple more, really important sentences:





Okay so step-D is 30yo and has a 1yo (the grand-daughter aka GD). At 30yo, she is an adult and personally responsible for herself, her food and shelter, her bills, and caring for her own child. The fact that her mom and mom's husband were kind enough to give her a place to stay does not mean it's "her house"--it means she is their guest. The mom and husband are the ones in a marriage relationship and in their marriage, they own the house and it is THEIR house. The step-D is not part of that marriage and is a guest in the home that mom and husband possess. It is legal for a person to have a strange kink in the privacy of their own home as long as they don't harm others or cause harm to someone else's property (like property damage). Again, we don't know what the kink is, but let's say is whacking off into high heel shoes! LOL I'm just saying, that's a little out there, right? Anyway, so where SHOULD a human being who gets sexually excited by high heel shoes express themselves sexually? IN THEIR OWN HOME, right? WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF THEIR INTIMATE PARTNER, right? And further, he was doing it at night when everyone was asleep (or so he thought). So he's not out prowling around; he's not randomly hooking up with minors; he's not soliciting prostitutes...



The GUEST in his home was disgusted. The GUEST who was up late at night. The GUEST who isn't his intimate life partner. He knew he had this kink and was working through it. His wife knew he had this kink and was working through it. The people who owned the home knew he had this addiction and were addressing it together in a way they both agreed with.



The next bit tells us what went down. After each think that was written by the OP and is not speculation or assumptions, I'll make my comment.



1. The daughter went and told her mom out of disgust.

ME: Step-D is an adult and if she has an issue with another adult, why go complain to someone else? Why not take personal responsibility and go straight to the person she has a problem with? I get it--mom's and daughter's have a relationship--but step-D's issue isn't with mom, and she's just trying to put her mom into a position of having to take sides against her own husband. Frankly that step-D is not a friend of the marriage!



2. The mom confronted the husband and first he acted outraged and defensive because he felt like it's his house and he didn't think anyone was up. I think he was just embarrassed so he reacted.

ME: Okay so he's a human being and got defensive. What's your kink? If someone caught you at it red-handed and said it was DISGUSTING and you should be divorced over it, would you defend yourself? (shrug) Seems like a fairly typical reaction to me. Not honorable...but understandable.



3. The daughter got upset with the mom because she felt this is where she should draw the line and divorce him, but the mom said she didn't like that this happend but they have been working thru it.

ME: So the guest in the house is trying to drive the home owner out of his own home, because SHE was offended. She's trying to drive a wedge between the two intimate life partners who knew about his addiction and had reached an agreement on how to deal with it. Sounds to me as if the step-D is entitled and needs to learn how to grow up!



4. After everything calmed down, the husband did approach the daughter and apologized sincerely.

ME: So again, not jumping to conclusions because we don't know what the fantasy IS nor what the step-D's name is... husband was mature enough to understand how this would maybe shake up the step-D and reasonable enough to be the one to go to her and express regret for offending her. So he could calm down, stop being defensive, admit to himself the things that were on his side of the road, man up, take personal responsibility, go approach her, and attempt to make amends. Frankly, that sounds pretty reasonable to me.



5. The daughter is just disgusted and doesn't want anything to do with him anymore so now they just don't speak and she won't even let her 1 year old daughter around him.

ME: Okay, she can be disgusted--that's her choice. She can also withhold her child because as the parent she's responsible for protecting the child. But if she wants to continue to live as a guest in husband's house, she has to accept that she doesn't make the rules and he's allowed to sexually express himself with his wife in his own home. I mean, that the morally acceptable way TO express yourself sexually--with your wife in your own home!



6. The mother has pretty much backed away and let them work it out because she says she doesn't know what else to say about it.

ME: Personally I don't think mom should be involved. It's between step-D and husband, and they don't have to like each other. Mom is working through it with her husband. At no point to we have any inclination husband was fantasizing ABOUT step-D or pedophila or anything. It was just described as "perverted". What if it was bondage? What if it was getting aroused by teddy bears? Phone sex? My point is that those things are kind of "out there" and no one would want to envision their parents doing that...and yet consenting adults DO. The kids may not like it, but the parents are free to make their own choices AND live with the benefits and costs of those choices.


*applause*


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post #117 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 09:31 PM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth001 View Post
*applause*


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I'll reserve my own applause until we have confirmation from OP of what was meant in terms of the association of the step-daughter's name and the porn fantasy. It's amazing how much has been offered, argued against, defended... mostly because we're interpreting a few words so differently.

There are comments made here by users whose posts I actively seek for input due to their insight and ability to see what others miss. And those users are on opposite sides in this thread. Partly, I think, because of the ambiguity of a single sentence in the original post. Pretty amazing, but a lesson in assumptions of clarity by reasonable people. Or, as Saturday Night Live once put it, "You can't put too much water on a nuclear reactor." Which was followed up later with "You can't stare too long at a nuclear fireball."
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post #118 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-17-2020, 12:10 AM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

Quote:
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For the sake of discussion, I wonder how many men would be okay knowing that their wives have sexual fantasies starring their step sons? I also wonder how many step sons would feel okay knowing their step mom's watch porn and diddle to them?
I'm not a step-son, but I was once a teenage boy. How hard (and loudly) is she diddling, and am I, as her STEP-son? Invited"? She's not MY mom, after all, and my dad and mom have theoretically ****ed everything up anyway. Why not bang step-mom if she is willing?

Hah.

Edit: No stepsons or stepdaughters. Just never underestimate the depravity of the human mind. SEE: YOUPORN searches for StepX.

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post #119 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-17-2020, 07:33 AM
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Quote:
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I'm not a step-son, but I was once a teenage boy. How hard (and loudly) is she diddling, and am I, as her STEP-son? Invited"? She's not MY mom, after all, and my dad and mom have theoretically ****ed everything up anyway. Why not bang step-mom if she is willing? :-)

Hah.

Edit: No stepsons or stepdaughters. Just never underestimate the depravity of the human mind. SEE: YOUPORN searches for StepX.
What if you're a typical 30 year old man with a 50+ year old typical step mother? Would that change the way you interact with her? Would it make you uncomfortable?

In the OPs scenario, what is done is done. The step daughter cannot un-hear or un-see whatever it was she heard or saw. I don't know very many women who would be able to ignore what happened to make a "normal" relationship happen with the step dad. That relationship, and by extension the one with the mother, is forever damaged and that's the true travesty. At the very least, that's one less set of grand parents for the kid to be loved by.

Last edited by Lila; 01-17-2020 at 07:39 AM.
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post #120 of 131 (permalink) Old 01-17-2020, 08:21 AM
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Re: Oldest daughter heard him on Porn

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OK, folks! We just had a member imply that the OP was a troll.

That's not cool, nor is it acceptable.

There's a report button for a reason. Use it, but don't call members out as trolls in the threads. That leads to deletion of posts and worse, sometimes.


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