Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 06:33 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

This is a discussion that I had to chime in on.
It brought back memories of the first date that I had with my wife. Unbeknownst to me at the time, her then closest friend was a goth wannabee who was heavily tatted up. As we sat at dinner, we had the following discussion:

HER: "What would you say if I got a tattoo?"
ME: "I'd say that it has been nice knowing you."
HER: "You don't mean that."
ME: "Try me."

She was enough into me that she decided not to try me. Once we started dating, she separated herself from that group. With that separation came an increase in maturity, and any future discussion of tats was in reference to other people and how ridiculous they look. We are in total agreement tats/piercings are aesthetically repellent, and that if either of us came home with one, that there would be some serious, potentially marital ending discord.

For me the issue of tats/piercings comes down to an issue of self image, self discipline, and maturity.
The majority of the people that I know or have been acquainted with who have them have a low self image and use these as tools to divert attention. They seem to think that defiling/defacing their bodies either permanently or temporarily provides cover for their perceived deficiencies, like the morbidly obese person with liberal ink that hopes people focus on the "Art," instead of the fact that they are 5'4" and weigh four hondo.

Then there are others like my BIL, who thought that it was "Cool" to have rewind, forward and stop symbols (like on a VCR) inked on his arm. He has to be the center of attention, and can be obnoxious and grating. At times, it has taken all self control to stop me from asking him that if I pressed his stop button, would he shut the hell up?

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post #32 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 06:49 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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The majority of the people that I know or have been acquainted with who have them have a low self image and use these as tools to divert attention. They seem to think that defiling/defacing their bodies either permanently or temporarily provides cover for their perceived deficiencies, like the morbidly obese person with liberal ink that hopes people focus on the "Art," instead of the fact that they are 5'4" and weigh four hondo.
If it helps them getting through life, I don't have a problem with it. I think we are very quick to judge other people based on our inflexible vision of the world...
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post #33 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 07:05 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

I'll be brutally honest.

I find tattoos and piercings beyond trashy and would never, EVER allow any of that on my body. Even in my 30's I found it incredibly trashy when women first started sporting tattoos on their ankles or hips and I couldn't even imagine doing that to myself.

My husband is the same way. He finds nothing attractive about a woman walking around with tattoos all over random parts of her body or beads or rings or pins stuck in various body parts. He finds it as repugnant as I do.

Yeah yeah yeah...everyone's showing their 'individuality.' I don't need to ruin the landscape of my body to show my individuality.

So the answer is, I avoided people who look like comic book characters with their 'individuality' drawn all over them or pierced through their skin. That's just the plain truth. And that's why I don't have to deal with it NOW, because I've always avoided that look.

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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post #34 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 07:08 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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Then there are others like my BIL, who thought that it was "Cool" to have rewind, forward and stop symbols (like on a VCR) inked on his arm. He has to be the center of attention, and can be obnoxious and grating.
LOL. OMG, what a complete douche bag. Yeah, this is the crap I'm NOT missing with the tattoo crowd.

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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post #35 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 07:17 AM
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Conan, can you picture your life without your wife in it? If not, would you consider a renewal of the vows ceremony? Thinking about this and planning with your wife could close some of the gaps and bring your love front and center. It would assure your wife that you're in it for the long haul and you don't care about her wrinkles, age etc.
I think this is fantastic advice.
@ConanHub do you love the person your wife happens to be (the person she is inside)? Does she treat you well? Do you think she loves you? If the answer is yes, then count yourself lucky.

We put so much emphasis on the shell that we sometimes forget about all of the good that's inside.
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post #36 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 07:28 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

Conan, tell your wife you don't like her nose ring. She needs to at least know you don't like it. Have you told her? What she does with that info is up to her of course, but she needs to know. I wonder if she is feeling her age and since you're quite a bit younger, she got one?

If my husband told me (in a nice and loving way) that for instance, he loves my long hair while I was thinking about cutting it short, while it is my decision, you can bet I'd weigh his opinion heavily. Why? Because I want to remain attractive in his eyes. That's not to say I wouldn't cut it, but at least I had his opinion.

As for her breasts--I got nothing. Try to concentrate on the fact that she is quite happy with them and that, in turn, makes you happy. As you have described it over the years, you two have a special kind of love. Revel in it.
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post #37 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 07:55 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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Conan, tell your wife you don't like her nose ring. She needs to at least know you don't like it.
Why? What's the point in that? What is Conan going to do if she says "tough"? Why risk it? What's the point in making his wife unhappy? Is it that important?
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post #38 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 08:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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I think this is fantastic advice.
@ConanHub do you love the person your wife happens to be (the person she is inside)? Does she treat you well? Do you think she loves you? If the answer is yes, then count yourself lucky.

We put so much emphasis on the shell that we sometimes forget about all of the good that's inside.
I love her very much and she definitely reciprocates. She has just done two things that I absolutely didn't want, that was for herself, and both reduced my physical attraction to her a little. I can understand her breast issue with the atmosphere in our world being what it is and it took many years for me to cave on it. I don't get the nose ring at all. It is very small on the right side and hardly noticable but I don't like it.
An actual wedding sounds nice. We got married on the fly with two witnesses and no ceremony.
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Conan, tell your wife you don't like her nose ring. She needs to at least know you don't like it. Have you told her? What she does with that info is up to her of course, but she needs to know. I wonder if she is feeling her age and since you're quite a bit younger, she got one?

If my husband told me (in a nice and loving way) that for instance, he loves my long hair while I was thinking about cutting it short, while it is my decision, you can bet I'd weigh his opinion heavily. Why? Because I want to remain attractive in his eyes. That's not to say I wouldn't cut it, but at least I had his opinion.

As for her breasts--I got nothing. Try to concentrate on the fact that she is quite happy with them and that, in turn, makes you happy. As you have described it over the years, you two have a special kind of love. Revel in it.
She nose I hate it and went through with it anyway.

I do appreciate what we have very much especially in light of how rare it seems to be among our family and friends.
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post #39 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 09:04 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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I love her very much and she definitely reciprocates. She has just done two things that I absolutely didn't want, that was for herself, and both reduced my physical attraction to her a little. I can understand her breast issue with the atmosphere in our world being what it is and it took many years for me to cave on it. I don't get the nose ring at all. It is very small on the right side and hardly noticable but I don't like it.
An actual wedding sounds nice. We got married on the fly with two witnesses and no ceremony.


She nose I hate it and went through with it anyway.

I do appreciate what we have very much especially in light of how rare it seems to be among our family and friends.
OK. This is what my husband did when I had my hair dyed red:

His hands on my shoulders, looking directly in my eyes and softly said - wife, I love you dearly and I would love you even more dearly if you got rid of the red hair {cue exaggerated eye wink}. It worked.

I could give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter.
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post #40 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 09:09 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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Why? What's the point in that? What is Conan going to do if she says "tough"? Why risk it? What's the point in making his wife unhappy? Is it that important?




If it is affecting his attraction for her; yes, it is that important.


I could give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter.
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post #41 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 09:19 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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If it is affecting his attraction for her; yes, it is that important.

I get it... but to me the boobs thing would have been worse... a small nose ring? No. I guess we are all different.
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post #42 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 09:20 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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OK. This is what my husband did when I had my hair dyed red:

His hands on my shoulders, looking directly in my eyes and softly said - wife, I love you dearly and I would love you even more dearly if you got rid of the red hair {cue exaggerated eye wink}. It worked.
Very diplomatic!
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post #43 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 09:30 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

Not a fan of nose rings. Best it makes me think is "wow, attractive lady that would look better without that nose ring."
Same with most tattoos. Tramp stamps? ugh. On or near breasts? ugh. Neck? double ugh.

The appeal of tattoos for most people is what is one of the biggest turn offs for me. PERMANENT. If you could get color fast Tattoos that lasted for say a couple years at a decent cost? Yeah probably would have got a couple during phases in my life. Had my stupid fun. But permanent? F that. Whats that barbed wire on your arm? Whats that tribal stuff on your arm. Oh how original you have your first and last initials on your triceps.

At least the nose ring can be taken out Conan. If she eventually changes her mind its back to normal, no big deal. Imagine if she would have done those ear gauge things.

"Masturbate with just a slick hand and thoughts of your wife." --Intheory
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post #44 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 09:50 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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I cant see that I would get anything done like surgery or piercings or tattoos unless my husband was 100% happy with it. Isn't that what marriage is all about, thinking of the other persons feelings?
The cup is full, this is exactly what marriage should be. Barring the piercing or tats, it is doing the best to meet the other partners expectation. It may be a dream of mine but one should do his/her best to want to do this, especially when it something trivial as cosmetic altercations.

The other spouse isn't trying to remove your individualism, but, just wanting to be comfortable with you. I see this as some selfishness on the partner who goes beyond what the other has to put up with.

IDK, I may be an fish out of water here, but it's a part if me that still matters in my relationship with her. And if it becomes one-sided going forward is where tension and separation can start.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #45 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 09:57 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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cosmetic altercations.

I suppose this is what this thread is all about...
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