Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 10:51 AM Thread Starter
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Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

Has your spouse or SO of many years altered themselves and it was for them only but it was a bit of a turn off for you?

If so, how did you cope or deal with it?

I'm probably just complaining.

Mrs. C and I went to watch Underwater last night. Kristen Stewart had a scene fairly early in the movie where she had some type of bra top or sports top on and she was on her back.

It caused me to flash back to Mrs. Conan before she got her surgery for breast augmentation. Kristen was remarkably similar to Mrs. C back then except Mrs. C had a way better ass and a tighter core.

It simultaneously turned me on, left me feeling slightly remorseful, melancholy and I felt a sense of loss.

I spent the rest of the movie enjoying the view of a body that reminded me of good times with my wife.

I didn't want her to get the surgery but I allowed it for her sense of well being and her confidence definitely improved along with more wardrobe choices so it was good for her.

I'm still attracted to her of course, we actually hit it twice yesterday, but I really miss her tight little body with her lean look and small breasts. I'm not against large breasts and the surgeon was an artist because she looks amazing. I guess I just miss the old playground that I spent so many hours enjoying.

She also recently got a nose ring and I was very much against it. She can do what she wants but it isn't attractive to me. Quite the opposite actually.

Anyone have similar situations?

Again, I'm probably just griping.

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post #2 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 10:54 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

Off-topic, but I really want to see that movie. How was it?
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post #3 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 11:03 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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Off-topic, but I really want to see that movie. How was it?
Pretty run of the mill monster movie but it had several scenes with cute girls running around in panties and an interesting twist towards the end that I think you might like.
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post #4 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 11:15 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

I do miss my wife's "former" body, when she was younger and beautiful. Not that I'm not attracted to her now, in her mid-fifties and after a few kids. Her body just changed. It's different, but I still like it. Unfortunately, I don't get to see/touch it anymore...

So, although my wife didn't really alter her body "on purpose", yes, I can see where you are coming from. I catch myself imaging her younger body...

Last edited by In Absentia; 01-20-2020 at 11:24 AM.
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post #5 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 11:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Has your spouse or SO of many years altered themselves and it was for them only but it was a bit of a turn off for you?

If so, how did you cope or deal with it?

I'm probably just complaining.

Mrs. C and I went to watch Underwater last night. Kristen Stewart had a scene fairly early in the movie where she had some type of bra top or sports top on and she was on her back.

It caused me to flash back to Mrs. Conan before she got her surgery for breast augmentation. Kristen was remarkably similar to Mrs. C back then except Mrs. C had a way better ass and a tighter core.

It simultaneously turned me on, left me feeling slightly remorseful, melancholy and I felt a sense of loss.

I spent the rest of the movie enjoying the view of a body that reminded me of good times with my wife.

I didn't want her to get the surgery but I allowed it for her sense of well being and her confidence definitely improved along with more wardrobe choices so it was good for her.

I'm still attracted to her of course, we actually hit it twice yesterday, but I really miss her tight little body with her lean look and small breasts. I'm not against large breasts and the surgeon was an artist because she looks amazing. I guess I just miss the old playground that I spent so many hours enjoying.

She also recently got a nose ring and I was very much against it. She can do what she wants but it isn't attractive to me. Quite the opposite actually.

Anyone have similar situations?

Again, I'm probably just griping.
Three and a half years ago I called off my wedding because my then fiancée was threatening to get a tattoo. She swore she was joking and I believe her. We got back together and we’re married now.
She knows one hundred percent I will divorce her if she ever gets one.

When someone says it’s not the money it’s the principle,it’s always the money.
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post #6 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 11:42 AM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

Conan, I'm of a different time and still turn to mutual accountable agreement's. And yes it is her body/or mine and if something is visual to others me/her it's best to get the go ahead from the other spouse. But if it's not visual in public sure.....

Why as a couple we still are a couple and I'm sure she would want some say if l decided to get my eyebrows pierced. Just saying that as it may be accepted in the world my opinion still trumps and said choices should be made together.

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If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #7 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 12:00 PM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Pretty run of the mill monster movie but it had several scenes with cute girls running around in panties and an interesting twist towards the end that I think you might like.
so a win all round. Thanks for the review!
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post #8 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 01:10 PM
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I'll probably lose my card for this, but I think permanent body alterations purely for aesthetic reasons should be agreed upon by both spouses.
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post #9 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 01:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

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I'll probably lose my card for this, but I think permanent body alterations purely for aesthetic reasons should be agreed upon by both spouses.
We agreed about the breast augmentation even though it wasn't for me.

I let her do it for her to feel better about herself and fit clothing better.
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post #10 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 01:39 PM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

I find the idea of augmentation odd.

Don’t think I could deal with it if were to go through.

But I also know the derivative of the desire to do so which is off topic and too much to discuss.

As far as the nose ring goes, If my said she wanted one I would be looking for the underlying causes.



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post #11 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 01:55 PM
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Ten years ago a couple I was friends with divorced, they were in their early forties with two kids. According to him everything started going down hill when the wife "punked out", started getting tattoos and piercings, and he hated it.

Sadly both the kids followed mom's example as they grew, both were covered in tats and piercings before they got out of highschool.
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post #12 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 02:16 PM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

Personally, unless it's being done for a legitimate reason, I don't think someone should modify their body if their spouse is unattracted to that modification. My wife being unattracted to something would be a bigger factor than me just really wanting a particular piercing. I'm a hypocrite saying that because I went through a lot of phases when I was younger and my wife was not impressed, but nowadays her preferences are a large factor.

If your wife wants to keep the nose ring, find something to enjoy about it. Maybe it's her confidence. Maybe it's listening to why she likes it and how it makes her feel. Maybe it's going to the mall to pick out a new nose ring together. Even if you don't like the nose ring you can try to find some sort of enjoyment from it. You can also look for a compromise. Some nose rings are much more discreet than others.

As an example, I used to have pierced nipples and my wife absolutely hated them. At that point I didn't care because I liked them, so they stayed. I no longer have them and the holes have since closed, but she still plays with the scars and (jokingly) says if I do it again she'll divorce me. While I had them she tried to find things to like about them even though she hated the look. My nipples were far more sensitive and easier to find in the dark, things like that, and the "easier to find in the dark" is something that she misses a bit. For years my hair was shoulder length. My wife didn't hate it like the nipple piercings but a "rule" was that I had to let her put stuff in it and french braid it every night for me to sleep on because that was the only way the curls and waves fell the way they should and looked good. Then she found enjoyment playing with it and doing dumb **** to it.

So, is there any enjoyment you can get out of the nose ring? I'm guessing it's easier to find enjoyment in her breasts than a piercing, but I won't pretend to know. My wife wants implants but thus far I have convinced her to leave them alone.

Bodies change though. No one stays tight and lean forever, surgery or not, and breast implants don't last forever either. The movie helped you take a trip down memory lane. I'm sure there are plenty of other things you would miss or long for if you look for them.
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post #13 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 02:58 PM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

This is a tough one. I'd want to know why my wife wanted to modify her body, surgically. But I'm a bit perplexed as to whether there would be a difference between an out-of-shape & overweight person modifying their body through exercise, vs surgery. How is one much different, in terms of the spouse's, what, expectations?, than the other?

My wife has, over the years, transformed from a super-cute 5'3" 120lb 34b to someone who, in my eyes, remains gorgeous as a 200 pound woman with a heavy roll above her waist (donut they call it?), thinning hair, and two terribly-reconstructed boobs after a dual mastectomy. And I do mean gorgeous. Do I wish she'd get in shape? Yes, but not because it would change how I see her. Because she would live longer and, if we want to get even more selfish, sex could be more varied.

But after being married to her 40 years, knowing her for 43, if she really wanted a tattoo, my view on it today would be far more permissible than it might have been back then. After all we've been through, I might be fine with a tattoo that said "My husband was my first true love." Or something like that.
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post #14 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 04:10 PM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

I had a breast reduction last year and it has taken me almost this entire year to get used to the new me, even though I love the new me. You've known your wife for years as someone without a nose ring...give it some time, you may get used to it and even grow to like it, you never know. I like my guy with a goatee...I'd be bummed if he shaved it off but I'm sure with time I'd get used to the new him.


Have you told Mrs. C how you feel about it??

As an aside, my 16yo daughter asked for a nose ring recently. That fight was fun. Not. LOL
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post #15 of 92 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 04:15 PM
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Re: Coping with a partner's body alterations/piercings/tattoos

Conan, wait 'til she gets her first cold with that ring in and see how long it lasts.

I could give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter.
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