Lost and not sure what to do - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-25-2020, 12:47 PM Thread Starter
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Lost and not sure what to do

Hello everyone.

I am a 37 year old truck driver and lately I have been quite concerned about my life and what the future holds me.

But before I get to that, I will share some things about my life first. I grew up during the war and had a tough childhood. The only time I kissed and hugged a girl was when I was just 10 years old and she was 12. She was my only close friend I ever had. With the air raid sirens blaring every day and the sounds of artillery in the distance, one day we hugged each other tightly and kissed. For those 30 minutes that we kissed and tightly embraced one another - there was no war, pain, fear, suffering and tears. It was the only wonderful experience during those dark years of my childhood. Come to think of it, that was the happiest day of my entire life so far.

My father's alcoholism certainly did not help and my parents were constantly arguing. My father was very abusive so I learned from the young age what not to do when you are married and how not to treat a woman you love. After their divorce we were living in poverty and finally came to Canada a long time ago.

This is the time when I should have made close friends in high school and college, but unfortunately I never did. I was suffering from social anxiety and shyness. I did not talk to others that much and kept to myself most of the time. I have overcome that now and I am happy that I was able to change.

I started truck driving when I turned 30 years old. The money is average but the job keeps me isolated from others. I am home every night and I do not drive those long haul routes like I did in the past. However, my days are still long and luckily I have weekends off for now.

Those long open roads and alone with my thoughts.... Recently I finally realized that I am well on my way to stay single for the rest of my life.
My question is - do you think I should try online dating? I am thinking about it but I am not sure how it'll work out. 37 year old virgin male who never had friends or girlfriends - isn't that what will possibly turn women away? Not to mention my childhood and current occupation. It seems I have all these things working against me. Women may think that I am mentally unstable or even a creep of some sorts.

I am at the crossroads right now. If I don't do anything - I will remain single for the rest of my life and there is no question about it. If I try online dating, I may have better luck or I may end up with a broken heart...

I do know that I am tired of being lonely and isolated from the others. I want to be with a woman who will like me for who I am. I don't really care for those one night stands. I never did.

To all the wonderful and knowledgeable members here - your help and advice will be greatly appreciated. Sorry if I was boring anyone.

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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-25-2020, 01:37 PM
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

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Hello everyone.
I am a 37 year old truck driver and lately I have been quite concerned about my life and what the future holds me.

But before I get to that, I will share some things about my life first. I grew up during the war and had a tough childhood.
How old were you when you left this place?

Would you mind sharing which country you lived in as a child? It might help us understand your situation better.

I lived in Ethiopia during the civil. We left when I was eleven years old. Having experience something similar I understand some of the war in your original country has affected you. You most likely have some level of PTSD. I do. Even though I left when I was 11 years old, I still have some issues with it… and I’m 70 now. The effects of war can stay with you for a life time.

Have you ever sought any counseling to help you explore why you isolate yourself from people? It’s probably a protective mechanism. If you can address this, you might find it much easier to meet and interact with people on a personal level.

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My question is - do you think I should try online dating? I am thinking about it but I am not sure how it'll work out. 37 year old virgin male who never had friends or girlfriends - isn't that what will possibly turn women away? Not to mention my childhood and current occupation. It seems I have all these things working against me. Women may think that I am mentally unstable or even a creep of some sorts.
I don’t think that at this time online dating is a good idea for you. Online dating is a very harsh environment. A lot of people have problems dealing with it.

Instead what I suggest is that you start out just meeting people in situations that make it easy to start building friendships with both men and women. There is a website that I’ve used, it’s https://www.meetup.com/cities/ca/ The site has all sorts of “meetups”. For example, here where I live there are probably a few hundred meetups doing things like hiking, white water rafting, book clubs, dinner meetups… well the list of topics is really long.

Look on there for something that you would enjoy and then just go to it. There will be both men and women who attend the meetups. Start growing your social circle. This way you can ease into getting to know a few women and hopefully find one who you can form a relationship with.

But don’t just do this for forming relationships with women. Build your social circle to include some male friends too.

Your special circumstances would be much easier to talk about with someone who you meet on a casual basis such as through a meetup. You could start by just talking about where you lived as a child, your moving to your new country and well… just talk about your life. That way if you find a woman you want to date, you will have the laid the groundwork to tell her ‘the rest of the story’ that you have never dated or been with a woman, etc. A friend, someone who has grown to care for you, is much more likely to be understanding of your unique circumstances.

What is your social life like right now?

Do you have extended family that you socialize with?

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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-25-2020, 01:53 PM
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

I just read your past threads. In one of them you said that your from the ex-Yugoslavia. Yea that was a terrible situation (war) that you lived through.

You said in one of your previous threads that you were looking for counseling. Did you ever get some counseling? If so, how did that go?

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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-25-2020, 02:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

Thank you for your reply. I will look into meetup - it sounds very interesting.

Yes, it sure makes sense - it would be easier for me to talk to a woman on a casual basis first. Later on, if she was really interested in me it would be easier to progress to the next level. This is what I think that online dating is missing. You mentioned that online dating is a very harsh environment. I wonder what sort of problems people experience there?

Honestly, my social life at the moment is virtually non-existent. It always has been. I don't socialize with my extended family because they live very far away and are primarily focused on their lives. My coworkers (fellow drivers) are also lonely and most of them are divorced. When I do talk to them it's just for a few minutes and then we have to hit the road again.

I got some counseling but I was able to overcome social anxiety and shyness by myself. Going to all these different assembly plants, warehouses and so on helped me to become more comfortable when talking to someone for the very first time.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-25-2020, 02:38 PM
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

Think about attending church--they usually have lots of social groups. Then there are cooking classes, school lectures, musical concerts, exercise groups. Volunteering like at animal shelters is good too. There may be an introverted female looking for you or you may just make friends with like interests. I have just gone to the library and read magazines--alone, but not. (Meet-ups are great as was said.)

Do not worry about lack of experiences. Figure out what you like now and head that way. Before you go somewhere think of a couple of topics that interest you--maybe something about travel since you have had unique experiences. These could be conversation starters. But remember, a good listener is often more popular than a good conversationalist.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-25-2020, 07:50 PM
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I know I'm gonna get flamed for this, but in your situation at 37 you need immediate intervention. The normal pathway won't work in the short time.

You're a truck driver, and never been exposed to truck drivers' truck stops' sex life??? Man where are you trucking??

You should do the following if you think that you are up to it: interview a few high class call girls (prostitutes in other words), explain your situation just as you did here. Ask to be "initiated for a few times. Agree on $$$ amount for the few times. Whomever you choose, she'll be glad to to take your virginity, and will teach you. Just make make sure you're not picking up a skank that will try to take you for a ride. It wouldn't hurt to consult it with a very experienced truck driver friend. That's my take.
Forget about the morality bashing that this post might generate. You have only one life to live, and it's your life at 37 I would consider it; unless, your morals wouldn't allow it, then you are stuck until you meet someone, and at 37 it could take who knows how long.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-25-2020, 08:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

I used to go to Tennessee and Wisconsin (dedicated long haul lanes). Nowadays I stick To Ohio, Michigan and sometimes Indiana. Yes, I have been approached by some truck stop girls from time to time and have politely declined all of them. One knocked on my window once and she looked sad so I gave her my lunch and some water because it was so hot outside.

Thanks but no thanks. That is not who I am. You are right - we all have one life to live. However, I choose to save myself for that special woman and if it's just not meant to be - I'll stay the way I am. Truck stop girls, escorts, prostitutes are definitely not for me. Even a fellow truck driver offered to hook me up with one a few years ago and I politely declined again.

No, thank you. Not even if they offered me a million dollars.

Last edited by Zulnex; 01-25-2020 at 08:35 PM.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-25-2020, 10:08 PM
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

@Zulnex,

What are you expecting with a woman you date? Are you expecting this woman to be a virgin?

What age range are you considering dating?

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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2020, 12:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

No, not at all - she does not have to be a virgin. Age range roughly 30-40.
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2020, 01:25 AM
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

Have you checked out meetup yet? Is there anything there that interests you?


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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2020, 03:17 AM
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

Sure! Start dating! Why not! It might go wonderful for you!!!

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2020, 09:37 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

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Have you checked out meetup yet? Is there anything there that interests you?
Yes I did. I will keep an eye out for more events in the future (preferably weekends when I am off work) since most of the events are scheduled on weekdays.
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 12:25 AM
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

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Yes I did. I will keep an eye out for more events in the future (preferably weekends when I am off work) since most of the events are scheduled on weekdays.
So, what events are scheduled for next weekend? What looks interesting?

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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 06:24 AM
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

"Faint heart never won fair maiden"

Miguel de Cervantes
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 09:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Lost and not sure what to do

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So, what events are scheduled for next weekend? What looks interesting?
Most of the events are during weekdays. Nothing interesting for now happening on weekends. I will keep looking for sure.

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"Faint heart never won fair maiden"

Miguel de Cervantes
Yes, I heard that before and wholeheartedly agree. It sure applies to me.
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