Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 11:14 AM Thread Starter
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Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

Ok, I'm not sure what to think. So my husband is now saying he wants date nights with me but he still has this girlfriend. I'm extremely skeptical. He told me that he wanted to have date night but we always argue. I said if that was true he wouldn't keep banging this girl. I don't know if I should do it or just keep moving on. I'm so confused. I'm also very disappointed with how he's treating our kids in the midst of this. He pretty much blames my oldest for feeling hurt about some of the things he's doing. I don't know what to do. A very small part of me thinks this can be fixed but if he's still with this girl how would that work??
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 11:29 AM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

You can't possibly work on reconciliation while he is still with another woman. This tells me you are now plan B if it doesn't work out with her OR he just wants it all and cake eat. (both probably)
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 11:30 AM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

It cant work. Please see a thread that I think will help https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...t-them-go.html. He needs to pick - work on the marriage or his girlfriend. You dont need to be a backup plan or a fall back. If he cant choose, you need to choose for him
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 02:44 PM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

So apparently he wants his cake and eat it too? Is he out of his mind? He has to choose between the two of you..there is no other way.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 04:42 PM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

First reaction reading the title was a song automatically playing in my head they play at a club late at night when everyone is drunk. There is even a line dance they do to it. Booty Call.

My answer would be, "Haaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy-eeeeeeeellllllllllll NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Girlfriend or wife. Not both.


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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 06:27 PM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

Wife or not...why would you hang out and be available whenever while ANY guy went back and forth to "make up his mind"? All that means is twice as much sex and half the commitment for him!
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 07:36 PM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

I feel like my STBXH is in the same mindframe. He asked me last week if I would go on a trip with him, to the carribean, and we could fix things. I just responded that its not even an option while he has a girlfriend. It probably wouldn't be an option even if he did smarten up and lose the trash. Just think about if you were dating someone new and was being treated this way? Would you keep them around?

Mine came over earlier today to talk about some work stuff, ended up pulling me into a hug for himself. Any actions at this point from him trying to be flirty or reconsiling makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I'm trying to create the boundaries so we can continue in this "family" in a way that is healthy for our kids. But he keeps testing them. I almost feel like I'm dealing with a teenager or toddler.. ugghh
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-17-2011, 07:58 AM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

Oh helllll no. Get a backbone. Tell him as long as he's got a skanky sidepiece you are not an option in his life. Tell. Him you refuse to be in an open marriage and he needs to leave. If she is married or has boyf....tell her significant other about the affair without warning your hubby or her first.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-17-2011, 02:47 PM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

Keep moving on girl. He is trying to have his cake and eat it to. Period!!!!!!!

Tell him to pound sand!!!
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-17-2011, 02:57 PM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

Tell him to go eff himself. Seriously. Wtf O.o



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They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-17-2011, 03:00 PM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

I'm a man and even I think that isn't on.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-17-2011, 03:29 PM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

What I gather is that your H's is trying to set back the clock to pre-marriage days... he wants to date both of the women in his life to determine which one he wants. To go back to you or start afresh with the new woman. In my opinion once you get married, the clock starts there... its up to you if you wish to entertain this notion or not... if it would or would not compromise YOUR true self in entity, values and morals. Those have to remain whole and strong.

Make your decision from that....

best wishes...
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-17-2011, 04:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

I am so confused. I'm thinking so much about how strong his relationship is with this other woman. A part of me still wants to save this marriage. I have to be honest with myself if I ever plan on making a decision and sticking to it regardless of what it is. When I think of our marriage being over I think of him and her. When he thinks of it he thinks of him and I, he's got me there. I'm working on myself but I'm still concerned with our marriage.
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-17-2011, 06:28 PM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

Invite her to come along and beat her ass in the street.

Is there such thing as insanity among penguins? - Werner Herzog
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-23-2011, 07:56 AM
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Re: Husband wants "date night" but still has girlfriend

No, no, no and no - did I say no?

Start doing the 180 degrees rules.

'I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie.
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