A year after separation... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-30-2017, 01:32 AM Thread Starter
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A year after separation...

My soon to be ex-husband is my best friend. We have our ups and downs, but he's the closest person to me.

I left him last November, now identifying as gay. At the time, he hated me and things were very, very bad.
Two nights ago, he and I took a walk and hugged each other as we apologized for our mistakes.

He is now dating a very lovely woman and just met her children and parents. I'm still single and he wants the best for me.

What a difference a year makes.

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-30-2017, 10:35 PM
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Any woman that would pull that **** on me I would hate her. She would not be my friend. It is terrible to involve another human being in such deep emotional relationship just to tell that person I'm leaving you because I identify as homosexual. **** that.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-30-2017, 10:45 PM
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Re: A year after separation...

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Any woman that would pull that **** on me I would hate her. She would not be my friend. It is terrible to involve another human being in such deep emotional relationship just to tell that person I'm leaving you because I identify as homosexual. **** that.
Well, maybe the OP's STBXH has more empathy and compassion than you do.

@cali_chick I'm glad to hear that he is moving on, and that you were able to maintain your friendship. Coming out can be hard enough without the added stress of losing a marriage.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-30-2017, 11:06 PM
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@feminist: Empathy?compassion? Where the hell would be the empathy and compassion for the poor sucker that was used for God knows how long. Homosexuals know or at the least have an inkling that they are. It is not only not fair to pull that **** on an unsuspecting person, but it is outright evil, because they are playing with somebody emotions. Do you think that's right? Oh no, let's just pitty her because she's a homosexual, screw the sucker guy.
I

Last edited by MattMatt; 10-31-2017 at 07:18 AM.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-30-2017, 11:35 PM
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Re: A year after separation...

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@feminist: Empathy?compassion? Where the hell would be the empathy and compassion for the poor sucker that was used for God knows how long. Homosexuals know or at the least have an inkling that they are. It is not only not fair to pull that **** on an unsuspecting person, but it is outright evil, because they are playing with somebody emotions. Do you think that's right? Oh no, let's just pitty her because she's a homosexual, screw the sucker guy.
I
Some people don't figure out their sexuality until later in life, and it can be a very surprising and difficult process. I've known a few people who have gone through this, and not a single one of them was "using" their straight spouse. In fact, most of them felt intense anxiety and guilt over hurting someone that they loved so much. They're not evil. They're human, like the rest of us.

Why are you so angry and judgmental? Maybe you should see someone about that.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~

Last edited by MattMatt; 10-31-2017 at 07:18 AM.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-30-2017, 11:40 PM
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Re: A year after separation...

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Originally Posted by Rob_1 View Post
@feminist: Empathy?compassion? Where the hell would be the empathy and compassion for the poor sucker that was used for God knows how long. Homosexuals know or at the least have an inkling that they are. It is not only not fair to pull that **** on an unsuspecting person, but it is outright evil, because they are playing with somebody emotions. Do you think that's right? Oh no, let's just pitty her because she's a homosexual, screw the sucker guy.
I
Triggering, just a tad?

Cali, I think it's wonderful that you and your husband have moved through the pain and come out the other side with a supportive friendship in place.


"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly

Last edited by MattMatt; 10-31-2017 at 07:18 AM.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-30-2017, 11:46 PM
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Re: A year after separation...

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Originally Posted by cali_chick View Post
My soon to be ex-husband is my best friend. We have our ups and downs, but he's the closest person to me.

I left him last November, now identifying as gay. At the time, he hated me and things were very, very bad.
Two nights ago, he and I took a walk and hugged each other as we apologized for our mistakes.

He is now dating a very lovely woman and just met her children and parents. I'm still single and he wants the best for me.

What a difference a year makes.
It may be advisable for you to stop the contact now that he has another lady. Especially the hugging. The girlfriend needs to be his best friend now.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-30-2017, 11:50 PM
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Re: A year after separation...

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It may be advisable for you to stop the contact now that he has another lady. Especially the hugging. The girlfriend needs to be his best friend now.
I don't think they necessarily need to stop all contact, but I do agree that she needs to give him some space so the girlfriend can take on the role of best friend.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-31-2017, 12:21 AM
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Re: A year after separation...

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I don't think they necessarily need to stop all contact, but I do agree that she needs to give him some space so the girlfriend can take on the role of best friend.
Yes. Its not usually a good idea to remain friends with exes unless there are children involved. Also no need either.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-31-2017, 12:28 AM
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Re: A year after separation...

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Yes. Its not usually a good idea to remain friends with exes unless there are children involved. Also no need either.
Agreed. I'm still on good terms with most of my ex-boyfriends (but not with my XH), but not really FRIENDS. I occasionally hang out with my one ex-boyfriend, since we are in the same city and part of the same social circle from college. Of course, he came out as gay after we broke up, so it's not like anything would ever happen with him. He's like the poster child for gay rights, literally... he was featured on a poster for a major gay rights campaign years ago. I'm more of a novelty for his friends now, whenever we get together. Everyone is fascinated that we used to date, and they ask me all kinds of questions, but I just smile coyly and say that a lady doesn't kiss and tell. It makes them crazy

OK, sorry for the thread-jack. Back to normally scheduled commenting.


~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-29-2018, 01:06 AM Thread Starter
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Update: still friends. Maybe in my neck of the woods, friendship between exes (when one of the spouses “goes gay”) is becoming more common. Spoke to two couples, a husband/wife and girlfriend/girlfriend. The husband was married to one of the girlfriend’s. Nothing hinky. Just friendship.

Very difficult for both of us after being married a decade, but it can be done.

My ex—hubby broke up with his then girlfriend, which had nothing to do with a hug that was full of forgiveness, and more because she wanted him to move in tougher after a month of dating.

He’s since moved on to other women.
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