Glad to hear you are seeing a counselor, keep seeing them if
you need to. Even if it is just to vent and a support network.
You have a lot to deal with and as I said you can't do it all.
The VA has and always will move very slow.
So much for Gov.healthcare. Glad to hear he is
serious about getting help also. First step in the
right direction is realizing there is a problem. Is he
currently on any medication ? Watch which ones he
may be on. That could be part of the problem. Have
you checked for any support groups near by ? For you
and him both. Lots of Vets and their spouses in similar
Have you moved back home or thought about it ?
Talk with your counselor first and consider if you
can deal with the current situation. Just like you
he has a lot of things going on. He really needs
help dealing with them. The problem is getting the
right help. I don't have much faith in the VA system
however. I know a lot of Vets that don't either.
Please take care of yourself and I hope both of
you together can and do work through this.
Only you can decide when to give up and move on
I actually think i have to wait for a new counselor--the one I've been seeing is transferring! She said her replacements were hired (I guess they hired two) but she didn't know when they would be able to start seeing people.
My husband is not on any medication at the moment. I'm not sure if he'd take any. He said he would in the past, but recently he's been saying he wouldn't. He got verification from his therapist that the referral was sent in, but it was only after he sent the guy an angry text message. He also expressed some confusion as to why the therapist the VA sent him to wouldn't see him again. I didn't know what to say, other than to encourage him to follow-up. The VA has been super slow...
I never wanted to move out in the first place, but I don't think he'd let me move back--at least not right now. I asked one time previously, and he said no. When I first moved, I was renting a room, but I ended up buying a house. I didn't want to gamble on reconciling, and I knew that if I didn't buy now, I might be priced out of the market in a year. (The local real estate market is super hot.)
I'm still open to reconciling, but I'm not going to wait around forever. Knowing my husband, I feel like he would have filed for divorce already if he was sure that's what he wanted. Obviously, our legal separation agreement can be converted to divorce, but it doesn't sound like he wants to do that anymore. I've been meaning to follow up with him about that, but I haven't had a good opportunity yet.
My current focus is working on myself...I really don't believe any of his reasoning for getting divorced and agree with his assessment that the problem is mostly him. He previously indicated that he believed that I was making his PTSD symptoms worse...I don't believe this either, but I think giving him space will be the best way to let him figure it out.