Update - Talk About Marriage
Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

User Tag List

 101Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 45 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 02:51 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: NY
Posts: 196
Update

I was going to hold off on D due to just getting out of a 3 year legal fight with my exw which left me kind of broke. However, IHS has been horrible due to the tension In the house around my kids. I asked STBXW if I can take to kids to Myrtle Beach the week after Xmas. I was told flat out “no”. So I retained my lawyer earlier this week and she did the same. So it is on, D number two now underway. STBXW has taken the kids everywhere she has gone during IHS. I have not had a day alone with them in 5 weeks. She took them thanksgiving and I’m sure she will be taking them for Xmas. Custody will be the biggest battle, not so much money. It’s sad to see it come to an end after almost 13 years, but in the end, I think it will be best for everyone involved. I am looking forward to being alone and on my own for a while. It’s something I miss.

RebuildingMe is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 45 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 02:55 PM
Member
 
Marduk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 17,084
Re: Update

Quote:
Originally Posted by RebuildingMe View Post
I was going to hold off on D due to just getting out of a 3 year legal fight with my exw which left me kind of broke. However, IHS has been horrible due to the tension In the house around my kids. I asked STBXW if I can take to kids to Myrtle Beach the week after Xmas. I was told flat out no. So I retained my lawyer earlier this week and she did the same. So it is on, D number two now underway. STBXW has taken the kids everywhere she has gone during IHS. I have not had a day alone with them in 5 weeks. She took them thanksgiving and Im sure she will be taking them for Xmas. Custody will be the biggest battle, not so much money. Its sad to see it come to an end after almost 13 years, but in the end, I think it will be best for everyone involved. I am looking forward to being alone and on my own for a while. Its something I miss.
****ty. Sorry to hear.
Marduk is offline  
post #3 of 45 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 02:55 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Midwest
Posts: 290
Re: Update

I'm not quite sure why you had to ask if you could bring them with you to Myrtle Beach. If she is just taking them with her when she goes...can't you do the same?
hubbyintrubby is offline  
 
post #4 of 45 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 03:03 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: NY
Posts: 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by hubbyintrubby View Post
I'm not quite sure why you had to ask if you could bring them with you to Myrtle Beach. If she is just taking them with her when she goes...can't you do the same?
I have trouble sleeping (mainly because of this M) and I take ambien after everyone goes to sleep. This has gone on for years. She said she doesn’t trust me around the kids due to the ambien and therefore won’t let me have them. She’s making a big deal out of it but my lawyer told me he’s never heard anything like this. My kids are almost 9 and I’ve never had them a night by myself. She’s ALWAYS taken them. I’m convinced that 6 months after D, I won’t need a sleeping pill anymore.
RebuildingMe is online now  
post #5 of 45 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 03:11 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Midwest
Posts: 290
Re: Update

That is not her call to make. Has anything dangerous happened while you've been taking Ambien in the course of it's use?

If there is not child custody agreement yet, which it sounds like there isn't, you have as much right to time with your children as does your STBXW.
hubbyintrubby is offline  
post #6 of 45 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 03:18 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: NY
Posts: 196
The entire ambien thing is “fake news” that she’s trying to make a big deal of. My lawyer said I can take them, but asked me if that’s the hill I want to die on. We are in for a long fight. Also, her parents are financing her D. I don’t have that luxury.

You are correct, no agreements in place yet. We are at stage one.

Also, no. Nothing dangerous has ever happened. Worst was me falling asleep on the couch with the tv still on.
RebuildingMe is online now  
post #7 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 07:51 AM
Member
 
notmyjamie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: United States
Posts: 1,482
Re: Update

Your first mistake was asking. These are your children. Tell her...and btw, if she took them for Thanksgiving, YOU get them for Christmas. Just tell her that outright. Next time you want to take them on vacation tell her that you will be doing so, at this date and this is where we will be. I'd be careful that she doesn't make up some phony assault charge or something to make her case stronger. Carry a VAR at all times to protect yourself. Ask your lawyer if that is legal.
notmyjamie is offline  
post #8 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 08:52 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5,864
Re: Update

Quote:
Originally Posted by RebuildingMe View Post
I have trouble sleeping (mainly because of this M) and I take ambien after everyone goes to sleep. This has gone on for years. She said she doesnt trust me around the kids due to the ambien and therefore wont let me have them. Shes making a big deal out of it but my lawyer told me hes never heard anything like this. My kids are almost 9 and Ive never had them a night by myself. Shes ALWAYS taken them. Im convinced that 6 months after D, I wont need a sleeping pill anymore.
Do you have a legal separation in place?
If so, does it contain child visitation and responsibilities?
How long has this been going on, with the kids being removed from you?
phillybeffandswiss is offline  
post #9 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 09:03 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: NY
Posts: 196
We are still in the same house, so I get to see them everyday. She just said I can’t have them overnights. My lawyer said I can take them away for a few days, just be sure, because this will set the tone for this d. We just retained lawyers last week. Neither one of us has filed yet. My lawyer will be speaking to hers this week to see what we can negotiate. She is holding off on filing because if I keep her on my health plan a while longer she will get her stipend in February of about $5000.

We haven’t spoken a word in 3 weeks. We both live in separate rooms. Kids don’t know yet
RebuildingMe is online now  
post #10 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 09:18 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5,864
Re: Update

Okay, but the tone is set.

Shes telling you no and dictating what you can and cannot do with your children.

WTF is your lawyer talking about? No, it doesnt have to be contentious, but you are being a doormat. Personally, I understand money is tight, Id be looking for a tougher lawyer. Passivity on things like this let a pattern develop and youll be an every other weekend dad.

phillybeffandswiss is offline  
post #11 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 10:22 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,671
Re: Update

If you let her continue to do this (stipulating that YOU can't have the kids due to "drug" issues (Ambien)) You KNOW that she will use this in the upcoming divorce. Do not allow her to get away with this. Make your plans, get the vacation setup, and take the kids (just verify again with the lawyer).
YOU need to start standing up to her so she doesn't think that everything will go her way and she can just bully you into whatever she wants.
jlg07 is offline  
post #12 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 12:33 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: NY
Posts: 196
You guys are all correct. I have let her run roughshod over me with my kids. I am their father, and a damn good one. I just booked the trip and sent her an email telling her I was going to take them. I also added it to our shared calendar, as my lawyer suggested.
RebuildingMe is online now  
post #13 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 01:14 PM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 9,250
Re: Update

Quote:
Originally Posted by RebuildingMe View Post
You guys are all correct. I have let her run roughshod over me with my kids. I am their father, and a damn good one. I just booked the trip and sent her an email telling her I was going to take them. I also added it to our shared calendar, as my lawyer suggested.
Good! She doesnt OWN your children and she isnt in charge.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
3Xnocharm is offline  
post #14 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 01:46 PM
Forum Supporter
 
lucy999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Satan's Armpit
Posts: 3,613
Re: Update

Any chance you can dc Ambien for the time being--take away her reason for not allowing you to have the kids overnight by yourself? Don't misunderstand though, I think her argument is asinine bc nothing has happened. They're your kids too!

Good for you for booking the trip. I'll be anxious to see how she responds.
lucy999 is offline  
post #15 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 01:55 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Cynthia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,074
Re: Update

Quote:
Originally Posted by lucy999 View Post
Any chance you can dc Ambien for the time being--take away her reason for not allowing you to have the kids overnight by yourself? Don't misunderstand though, I think her argument is asinine bc nothing has happened. They're your kids too!

Good for you for booking the trip. I'll be anxious to see how she responds.
This sounds reasonable, but something tells me she is not reasonable and this was the best excuse she could come up with. I would be concerned that she may make something else up if she doesn't have this to hang onto. I'd ride it out and carry a VAR. I would not hide the VAR, but tell her that every conversation will be recorded from now on, because she is not to be trusted. Sure that could make her angry, but you have warned her that she's being recorded.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Standard Evidence Thread:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Cynthia is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome