Separated 6 months no communication - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2020, 11:56 PM Thread Starter
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Separated 6 months no communication

Hello everyone new to the forum , here’s a bit of what’s I have going on.
I’m 24 my wife is 30, we’ve separated six months ago after being together for 6 years and married for 3 I’ve tried to communicate with her while separated on and off without being overwhelming she wasn’t interested. We since haven’t communicated the past 3 months.

A bit of backstory on the whole thing and how we got here I’m originally from the Bahamas she is from Pennsylvania we met down in the Bahamas where I’m from as she was on vacation. We ended up dating for 3 years and then getting married we were married for 3 years. We ended up moving from the Bahamas to Florida because he job required her to move back to the us.. In Florida we were doing fine as we knew no one there etc life was was pretty smooth we got two new dogs had a cute house with yard and made a few new friends. About a year of living in Florida she got another job opportunity from her boss at a previous company who she was very friendly with and it was a very large pay increase but it required us to move back to Pennsylvania where she is from so I supported her and said let do as she said she really wanted to give this a try. So I packed the house in Florida up and loaded a Penske truck all by my self and drove to PA it was a 16hr drive stopping for fuel only. We ended up moving into an apartment which was nice i got a job in construction and she started with this new job.. for about 8 month of living up her everythign was going well.. we’d spend time with her family she introduced me to her friends etc. we wouldn’t fight maybe a slight difference on a few things but never a battle. Then all of a sudden out of the blue one day she just started going out running around and would come home late sometimes I called her as I was confused and concerned and wanted make sure she didn’t gett in a car accident or something she would freak out and say I’m being needy etc i knew something was up so I investigated a bit and ended up finding her at a bar which was very far from where we lived about an hour. She was there with an old boyfriend of hers I confronted her I asked her to talk with me in my truck as I had my dogs with me and I went for a long walk With them because this was driving me nuts . She went off on me tell me she is going to call the cops etc and that I should leave.. I waited a few mins to see if she would calm down but she went missing she ended up hopping a fence on the side of the bar and disappeared. So I left and went home she never came home that evening. So I asked her where she was she wouldn’t say I knew the guy who she was with so I said you were with mike and she said yea I slept on his couch I called bull****..A few days later she said I think we should separate I asked to maybe try counseling and tryed to ask her why she was feeling this way etc. She told me she doesn’t love me anymore she’s not attracted to me anymore and that she was a divorce. So I cried a bit I was very upset and ended up moving back home. She now from what I understand isn’t with that guy but found another guy through friends she knows I recently came back to pa to collect some of my personal which I told an eta of when I was coming but not an exact date I ended up collecting my things while she was on vacation with friends and other man she found Out I was here to get my stuff so she called me and yelled that I didn’t tell her when I was exactly showing up and that I should stay away from her friends and family etc etc and was very mean to me.. I’ve always took care of her to my best abilities we’ve traveled we’d do fun things together and I’d do anything for her within reason we were also just about to buy a house before we separated and I had planned out all the renovations and priced most of the things out.. I’m not sure where I went wrong with her but it hurts to loose someone you loved and sacrificed so much for and watch her become so cold any isight is appreciated..

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post #2 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 12:06 AM
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Re: Separated 6 months no communication

Ouch. I think the two of you ripened at very different times. That age gap is just huge for the time in your lives that you met, and remains pretty significant with you at 24 and her at 30. I don't think chasing after her is going to do any good. Rarely would I suggest giving up without MC etc, but if you've got no kids, and you're just 24, then moving on doesn't carry the loss it does for most. Best of luck to you.
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post #3 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 12:28 AM Thread Starter
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I agree, I think maybe she feels she’s at a different stage in her life possibly but I am very mature for my age and we were always on par with everything I don’t act my age at all and I have a hard time getting along with people my age we don’t have kids but we do have two dogs which I let her keep because I didn’t want to upset her .. I did purpose marriage counseling to her and she wasn’t interested and said it was a waste of time. She also left me with very little money and doesn’t want to split our assets fairly. I’ve recently consulted a lawyer and moving towards the direction of divorce.. she had told me that she had filed . but I looked more into that she had not. so I’m unsure what her thought process was there. but she put a few things of mine in a box and said that the divorce papers were in there with the engagement ring .. neither was in the box but the engagement ring was in our bedroom..

Last edited by Islandguy1242; 01-27-2020 at 12:34 AM.
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post #4 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 01:05 AM
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Re: Separated 6 months no communication

File and move on. Sheís just your average cheater. Donít waste another second of your life on this loser.
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post #5 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 01:13 AM
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Re: Separated 6 months no communication

Sorry you have gone through so much, leaving your home and family to be with her. She really is not worth it. Do a hard 180, get a good lawyer, get what you can out of her and then leave. You are still young have your whole life ahead of you, time to move on and learn from this. YOu will find someone who appreciates you and you an grow together, it is not your current wife. Divorce her, she has no respect for you.

The life you have, is the life you create
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post #6 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 11:17 AM
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Re: Separated 6 months no communication

I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Get a lawyer so you can get your fair share from the marriage. She does not sound like wife material. You are young, although it will hurt now, you will save yourself from years of hurt if you get a divorce now and move on with your life.

Best of luck to you!!!
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post #7 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 12:54 PM Thread Starter
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It does hurt a lot it is very emotionally draining to go through loosing your best friend and my dogs that I loved dearly the other half of my family Etc..we’d do so much together I loved her unconditionally in every shape way and form I just want to make sure I’m on the right track as this isn’t a position I saw myself getting into and I’m unsure That I’m making the right decision.. She also use to be angry with me as I got off of work earlier then her and I would come home and ask her if she’d want to spend time with me and the dogs and go for a walk she would tell me she was busy which I understood but I always asked if I should wait until she was done work and get somethings done around the house her response would be to go by myself.. just making sure I’m not the crazy one in this situation but from reading the other users advice it doesn’t seem so she also said before I left that I had no friends blah blah as I was focused on working and I fixed a few things before I left to go home and she said all the things I did for her didn’t mean much of anything I didn’t think that was very nice as all seem like she became a different person once she was home and on her stomping grounds..
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post #8 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 01:12 PM
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Re: Separated 6 months no communication

This sounds like a typical tribal scenario - you were the two of you against the world while in Florida. No family or childhood friends. You were socially on the same plane. You move to PA and she is surrounded by her tribe, i.e., everyone she knows from her childhood. Now you are the stranger, the outlander. She connects with all of her old circle and you get faded to black.

The age difference is real, but you sound like the mature one. She's treating you like an unwelcome intruder, so get a lawyer and hit her hard for everything you are owed from the marriage. Try to forward focus. It's hard, but you will find someone new, someone who loves and respects you
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post #9 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 03:37 PM
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Re: Separated 6 months no communication

How sad. Iím so sorry this happened to you.

Does this mess up your citizenship?

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #10 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 03:57 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
How sad. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Does this mess up your citizenship?
No it does not as i had it before I married her..

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post #11 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 04:14 PM
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Re: Separated 6 months no communication

So, you can't carry the marriage by yourself. She wants to be out partying and cheating on you. You are separated -- YOU need to take control, move beyond the separation and divorce her. Get a great lawyer -- she doesn't want to split your assets? So,she wants YOU to sit there, with NO money, her being out playing, and SHE gets all the money? She is seriously deluded. Your lawyer will quickly take care of this. YOU need to protect yourself -- she WILL NOT. She will try to screw you over -- she told you not to contact her friends and family? WHAT? Who is she to tell you that. You are a grown man and can talk to whoever you want. You SHOULD contact them, tell them all she is cheating on you with these guys, and that you are divorcing her for that. No need for you to keep that a secret for her.
Only contact should be via lawyers, and push to get this done asap.
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post #12 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 07:04 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by jlg07 View Post
So, you can't carry the marriage by yourself. She wants to be out partying and cheating on you. You are separated -- YOU need to take control, move beyond the separation and divorce her. Get a great lawyer -- she doesn't want to split your assets? So,she wants YOU to sit there, with NO money, her being out playing, and SHE gets all the money? She is seriously deluded. Your lawyer will quickly take care of this. YOU need to protect yourself -- she WILL NOT. She will try to screw you over -- she told you not to contact her friends and family? WHAT? Who is she to tell you that. You are a grown man and can talk to whoever you want. You SHOULD contact them, tell them all she is cheating on you with these guys, and that you are divorcing her for that. No need for you to keep that a secret for her.
Only contact should be via lawyers, and push to get this done asap.
I totally agree with you as I mentioned above I’ve consulted with a lawyer I am in the process of applying for divorce etc I have spoken with her parents previously I haven’t spoken to any of her friends I was close maybe in the future once I serve her I will speak with them and her parents but at this point I just plan to serve her without warning and move forward from there once I put some fire under her ass so she will understand there are consequences for your actions. She’s a beautiful girl so I suppose she always had her way if definitely say she’s a narcissist and thinks she’s always right maybe this will be an eye opener for her . When I spoke to her parents before I left they said she has done this to her previously to her last two boyfriends as I’m her first marriage. Her parents did mention to me that one of the previous guys put a down payment on a house and she left him too for what reason I’m not sure these are definitely red flags that I hadn’t knew of before. I suppose we moved along pretty quickly in our relationship I thought I knew her pretty well I use to travel back and forward with her to pa before we moved here so this wasn’t a completely new world for me at all I had met her family and friends before we married not all of them of course ..I suppose she is t happy within her inner self and until she finds that she will never be happy no matter who she is with and what she has..
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post #13 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 09:20 PM
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Re: Separated 6 months no communication

Yes she cannot give you what she doesn't have. Love, affection, honesty... Turn and don't look back quit being that pick me guy. You say you were married before what happened in that relationship? Are you just too nice of a guy?

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #14 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 09:23 PM
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Re: Separated 6 months no communication

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Originally Posted by Islandguy1242 View Post
When I spoke to her parents before I left they said she has done this to her previously to her last two boyfriends as Iím her first marriage. Her parents did mention to me that one of the previous guys put a down payment on a house and she left him too for what reason Iím not sure these are definitely red flags that I hadnít knew of before.
But now that you do know, time has come clean break get what you got coming and call it what it is done.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #15 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 09:23 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Tilted 1 View Post
Yes she cannot give you what she doesn't have. Love, affection, honesty... Turn and don't look back quit being that pick me guy. You say you were married before what happened in that relationship? Are you just too nice of a guy?
Your right I shouldn’t settle to be the pick me guy at all I’m a good looking guy I’m in shape . This was my first marriage.. I am I suppose too nice of a guy..
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