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Finally I came out of FOG and ran away of 14 years of marriage

46K views 189 replies 34 participants last post by  Uptown 
#1 · (Edited)
Here is my Story:

I have been married for 14 years and now have a 8 years of son. What a bumpy road of my marriage when I look back. I just informed my lawyer to file the divorce for me.

My wife can be a lovely and caring friend. That was what let me fell into love with.

But Just after marriage, my wife began to show her other side of personality. She dominated over me on every issues. Years ago, after quarreling, in a rage, she threatened to jump over the window from the 2nd floor. I was frightened and was forced to apology to her and literally kowtow to her in order to persuade her not to endanger herself.

After my son was born, things turned to worse. She treated our son as hers only, blaming me not a good dad on trivial things. I have been working for 6-7 days a week. She was a housewife. Yet, she claims she is REALLY busier than me and I need to appreciate her all the time.

I bought a good size house as she wanted 4 years ago. That did not satisfy her for long. I bough her a luxury car for her last month by trading in my oldest car. I am now driving her old car to work and she keeps the new luxury car at home. She even did not appreciate it. Just last night, when I got back home late at night and went to eat at kitchen, she was so mad at me for not answering her call that she threw out my food into trash.

I had enough. I am filing for the divorce now. I do not see any chance for us to go back to a dream land of happy marriage. Am I correct?
 
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#182 ·
Update: Pre-trial finished. The judge said it would be difficulty for us to do co-patenting under current circumstance. She is seeking full physical and full legal custody. Pressured by the court to get employed, she said she got a part-time job which paid her very little ( about one thousand a month, I remembered vaguely). She has a master degree. I wonder how many days she is working to get such meager salary. I know this is consistent with her intention to live a parasitic lifestyle and extract maximum child support from me. "Parasite" is a hot button for her =).

The trial date is scheduled in the summer next year. She knows my posting at this site. So I am trying not to give too much details to leave clues for someone nearby to guess her identity.
 
#187 ·
LIF, thanks so much for coming by to give us another update -- as you did a year ago. Amazingly, you've been suffering through this a long time. It's been five years since you started this thread, at which time your young son was only 8. I'm so glad to hear that the divorce process was finally finalized. Here in my state that process took 18 months. Completing it felt like the clouds parted and the sun came out. So I'm happy to hear that you finally have it behind you.

When you gave us an update a year ago, you reported that your relationship with your son -- who is now 13 -- had improved. I hope that is still the case. And, like Marc, I'm hopeful you still have partial custody at least.
 
#189 ·
Hi Uptown, I miss you and feel gratitude toward you. Thank you so much for your timely insight into my situation that helped me a great deal when I was lost and needed it most. Thank you so much, my brother!

Yes, my relationship with my son got improved soon after the vicious and stressful divorce. Now it remains steady. The good news is that he is still my son, he said I am important to him as a dad. The sad news is that he maintains a emotional distance toward me. Although he accepts the reality, he still can not get over with the divorce fully. I can see that deep in his heart, he is still feeling pain and shame, not whole any more. He has internalized what his mom feels. I heard friends told me my ex had spread various bad judgement against me. She feels bitterly that I had abandoned her and the family and told our son so.

A great update from me is that I have found a girlfriend and we are working together toward a future marriage. She also left behind a bad marriage and an emotionally damaged son. There are plenty of woulds to heal for both of us. Frankly, although I want to marry her but I still have nightmares about marriage itself. She is very empathetic and accommodating to me. I am living a happy life now.

Another great update is from my mom. She is now happily living with my fiancee and me.We bought a new house in a nice neighborhood last year. We are pretty happy with it.

My mom has been disabled for thirty years and had three emergency last year. She puts all these behind her and regains a fair good health right now.

Thank you, Uptown. Thanks for all you guys here.
 
#188 ·
I got the shared legal custody. She got the full physical custody. She discouraged my son to live with me. My son is in a good relationship with me, but has not lived in my house since. He is in high school and very busy in studying. So I am letting him be and offering help whenever he needs me.
 
#190 ·
LIF, what a wonderful surprise to find a two-year update from you! I am so glad to hear that your relationship with your son -- who must be 15 or just-turned-16 by now -- has improved. As to your son maintaining a distance from you, I agree that part of that may be due to the divorce (and the badmouthing your exW likely has done about you).

A substantial part of that distancing, however, may simply be the normal, healthy distancing you see in nearly all 15 year olds. At that age, they are trying to become independent and it is common for them to be embarrassed to even be seen with their parents (certainly, that was my experience with my 15 year old step son).

I also am happy to hear about the great news with your fiancee, your house acquisition, and your now being in a position to help your mom by having her live with you two. With your mom having had 3 emergencies last year, I know you must be worried about her health. It is a good sign that, over recent months, her health has improved. I wish you and your family the very best, LIF! -- Uptown
 
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