Like you said, they are emotionally unavailable so you trying to take down their walls is obviously going to tick them off. Usually this kind of detachment is a defense mechanism. Certain people have been hurt in the past and don't want to trust again. Being unavailable is a way to avoid the future pain.
Why are you into these types of women, is the real question. Did your mother also ignore you so it would explain why you gravitate towards these types. Do you have low self-esteem and prefer ppl that semi-ignore you then you get emotional and want them to open up?
Yup, my mom occasionally ignores me even now as an adult.
This last woman didn't ignore me, I actually walked away from her...but she was very emotionally unavailable, hot-and-cold about what she wanted, etc.
I feel like I can get them to open up, if I try hard enough. If I just do better or be better, it will work. If I'm honest and vulnerable, maybe they'll do the same.
Obviously, it never works.
Despite my request to have her take her wall down, it would have never happened. The very fact that I had to even ask that question says everything. Yet, there I go, still trying.
I had a brief convo with my therapist and she said, "See, that's the best you would have got out of her. She's very emotionally unavailable at this time and you would have never been happy with her."