Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 12:28 PM Thread Starter
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Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

@jld has a couple of threads about men's attraction to women's bodies, based on weight/fitness. I am wondering about the women's feelings about their men's bodies.

For myself...yes, it matters. Though what I find attractive and call "hot" may not be what others view as attractive and "hot", so it is still a relative thing.

I have a cousin who is a total hard body and fitness enthusiast. She has washboard abs. She wants a guy who is at least as fit as she is. She was dating a guy for awhile who was in pretty good shape when they met but then started quickly gaining weight (apparently he had just lost a lot before they met and was then gaining it back). It all went to his gut. He retained his big biceps, thighs, and other things she liked about his body...but now he also had this gut. He had not had visible abs in the beginning but he didn't have a gut, either, so she was ok with it. He had said he was still losing and she was hopeful that his mid section would continue losing as well. The opposite happened instead. They broke up. Though it was for other reasons too, she knows she would have never been ok with him long term if he she to keep looking at that gut.

On the thread in the mens sections, @bandit.45 said "Depends on where on the anatomy the weight gain occurs. If it is distributed to the right areas I have little complaint.

Beer guts? No."

I had to chuckle because, do guys actually think that women ARE ok with beer guts on men? But yet we shouldn't expect a man to be attracted to us if we have a similar gut? Why would that be?

My cousin said at one point she said something similar to her then boyfriend. He was telling her he loved her body and she was saying she wished he could get his body into better shape for her, too (after he had been gaining his gut back). He got his feelings all hurt about this. She said "well you love my body because it is so fit, why wouldn't I feel the same way? If I had a gut like you do, do you still think you would be as attracted to me?" She said she saw his face visibly cringe when he imagined her having a gut like he does. Yet....he got his feelings hurt when she wasn't attracted to HIS gut?

Now...I know many women don't mind a gut on a man or a bit of softness. Many men don't mind this either. But generally speaking, it would seem that men hold women to a higher physical standard than they hold themselves, and yet don't see this as a double standard. Maybe these guys don't actually expect a woman to need to feel physical attraction anyway, or that we somehow "can't see" a huge gut? Even though, the same men most certainly would see a huge gut and find it unattractive.

Attraction matters a lot to me, and my man's physique is a huge part of this. Again I'm not my cousin. I have a healthy amount of body fat and I find a healthy amount of fat to be ok on a partner. But a "healthy amount" is very little, IMO. And a huge increase in fat weight would definitely make me loose attraction. A huge increase in muscle weight would most likely make me more attracted....though there is a line of "too much". Though my current boyfriend would never be a muscle head like that so no worries there.

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post #2 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 12:31 PM
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

I find that mine depends to a large extent on my own fitness/attractiveness level. If my own beer gut prevents me from shaving down there I really can't be bothered by HIS beer gut can I? But if I manage to get rid of the beer gut while his just keeps growing, well then, my feelings of attraction to him are diminished.

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post #3 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 12:38 PM
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

I never said a woman should accept a beer gut on a man if she finds it unattractive. I'm not pledging a double standard.
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post #4 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 12:57 PM
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

I'll add more to my post when I'm back at my laptop but the simple answer is yes, I do very much care what my husband's physique looks like.


I know it's hypocritical of me but when it comes to physical attraction, I've always loved fit and muscular men (no roids /hormones). Bulky or lean.... makes no difference to me....but they must have hard(er) bodies. It's the only kind of guy I've ever dated.

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post #5 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
I never said a woman should accept a beer gut on a man if she finds it unattractive. I'm not pledging a double standard.
Fair enough. Though you did have a thread here recently asking if women are into bigger men these days. A lot of women are into bigger men. But "bigger men" is one thing and can mean taller, buffer, more muscle, more overall size. If you had titled the post "are women into big beer guts these days?" I'm pretty sure you would have gotten a solid stream of "no, not so much" answers.

So when you put it out there on the thread in the mens section "beer guts, no"....I just had to chuckle. Like, does it actually need to be said out loud that most people are not attracted to beer guts on men OR women? I still believe a lot of men who have a gut like that think that women don't care, while they definitely WOULD care if the same was on their woman.

A guy who is an acquaintance of mine was back from vacation in a remote area in Oregon once, and was commenting on how all the women in the small town there were the size of buffaloes, and thus incredibly unattractive. He's married, so I don't really understand the point of talking about a lack of attraction to other women anyway? But his wife was standing right there so I guess she is just used to him needing to discuss the size and weight of other women, for whatever reason, as if he is a beauty pageant judge or auditioning for pin up girls everywhere he goes.

The guy has a beer gut of a size that it appeared he was pregnant with a 5 year old child hidden in his abdomen.

But it is his place to declare how fat and unattractive these women he doesn't know were.

I come across this kind of thing a lot. I don't think it is uncommon. Men seem to think we don't notice their beer guts.

For me its the FIRST thing I notice!
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post #6 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:04 PM
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

I love my men with hard bodies, just like @Lila

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post #7 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:08 PM
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post


For myself...yes, it matters. Though what I find attractive and call "hot" may not be what others view as attractive and "hot", so it is still a relative thing.


I had to chuckle because, do guys actually think that women ARE ok with beer guts on men?


And a huge increase in fat weight would definitely make me loose attraction. A huge increase in muscle weight would most likely make me more attracted....though there is a line of "too much". Though my current boyfriend would never be a muscle head like that so no worries there.

On the thread in the mens sections, @bandit.45 said "Depends on where on the anatomy the weight gain occurs. If it is distributed to the right areas I have little complaint.
It sure is relative! My DH is a big guy with a beer gut and I love it. I have a thing for barrel chested, broad shouldered, big guys. That's my hot.

DH has gained weight and it did not affect how physically attracted to him I am at all. I question how attracted to him I would be if he suddenly became Mr Universe. I am not a fan of men with washboard abs.

Like @bandit.45 my DH has said that weight gain on my end isn't a problem depending on where the weight settles. DH doesn't mind some weight gain if the weight is distributed proportionately.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #8 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

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I question how attracted to him I would be if he suddenly became Mr Universe. I am not a fan of men with washboard abs.
Mr. Universe is quite a difference than just some washboard abs!

I think that weird huge body builder type of thing is just odd looking. Though I have to admit, in my youth, watching Conan movies, I imagined swinging on his arms like monkey bars more than a few times.

I've never been with anyone who has washboard abs, I think that is just a tad shy on body fat normally. Though it looks good on some people.

My cousin for instance. She simply doesn't have fat cells on her belly. She never has. When she gains weight, it is never there, always other places. So her tummy has always been flat, and then with the minimum amount of fitness her abs are visible. On her it looks so great! It isn't like she constantly has to work on it, it is natural for her because of the lack of fat cells on her torso.

I'm the opposite, when I gain weight it all goes to my mid section. Wish I could just get more boobs and hips, but that's not how I was made. Dang it!
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post #9 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:24 PM
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

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Mr. Universe is quite a difference than just some washboard abs!

I think that weird huge body builder type of thing is just odd looking. Though I have to admit, in my youth, watching Conan movies, I imagined swinging on his arms like monkey bars more than a few times.

I've never been with anyone who has washboard abs, I think that is just a tad shy on body fat normally. Though it looks good on some people.

My cousin for instance. She simply doesn't have fat cells on her belly. She never has. When she gains weight, it is never there, always other places. So her tummy has always been flat, and then with the minimum amount of fitness her abs are visible. On her it looks so great! It isn't like she constantly has to work on it, it is natural for her because of the lack of fat cells on her torso.

I'm the opposite, when I gain weight it all goes to my mid section. Wish I could just get more boobs and hips, but that's not how I was made. Dang it!
I'm not a fan of muscular men in general. I find the average sports/athletic build aesthetically pleasing, like looking at art, but it does nothing for me sexually, ya know?

Of course you thought about swinging from Arnold like he is a jungle gym! It's freakin Arnie! Even I would swing from his tree like limbs. Arnie and Vin Diesel are the only two men I give a pass to.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #10 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:26 PM
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

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Of course you thought about swinging from Arnold like he is a jungle gym! It's freakin Arnie! Even I would swing from his tree like limbs. Arnie and Vin Diesel are the only two men I give a pass to.
Which Vin Diesel?



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post #11 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

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I'm not a fan of muscular men in general. I find the average sports/athletic build aesthetically pleasing, like looking at art, but it does nothing for me sexually, ya know?

Of course you thought about swinging from Arnold like he is a jungle gym! It's freakin Arnie! Even I would swing from his tree like limbs. Arnie and Vin Diesel are the only two men I give a pass to.
And don't forget.....The Rock. Nom nom.
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post #12 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

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Which Vin Diesel?

There is very little effort between these two pictures, actually. Maybe a month of gym time? The human body is amazing, isn't it? Fitness basically works the same on every body. It is natural to be fit and work the body a lot, that's what nature intended. Not to the extremes of Mr. Universe. But certainly, nature designed us to hunt and gather and did not create Twinkies on trees for us to eat.
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post #13 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:36 PM
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

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There is very little effort between these two pictures, actually. Maybe a month of gym time? The human body is amazing, isn't it? Fitness basically works the same on every body. It is natural to be fit and work the body a lot, that's what nature intended. Not to the extremes of Mr. Universe. But certainly, nature designed us to hunt and gather and did not create Twinkie trees for us to eat.
No, unless you are getting steroids involved (which the Rock, Diesel, and many others use), you are not making those changes in 1 month.
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post #14 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:38 PM
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

I can't pack that much muscle on in 6 months. Probably not even in 16 months.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #15 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:41 PM
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Re: Ladies, do you care about your man's fitness/body?

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I can't pack that much muscle on in 6 months. Probably not even in 16 months.
Kinda reminds me of those women who say they don't want to lift weights or don't want to lift heavy weights because they don't want to become too bulky/muscular lol. Yeah, it is that easy, lift a few heavy weights and all of a sudden you got muscles poppin out of your arse
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