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post #646 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 07:58 PM
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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Originally Posted by TheDudeLebowski View Post
Right, so it becomes a never ending cycle. Men attempt to open up and it results in others recoiling and pulling away. So we lock away the emotions then get accused of being emotionally distant. What would you have us do?

Itís about balance, very simple.
And of course, different women will behave differently, given the same set of circumstances in the end.


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post #647 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 07:59 PM
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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Even how this post comes across is "I have these issues, so what? You have issues too" which is a little less self aware than I think you realize. Its certainly not empathy.


The point of my thread is to basically say I donít get it because I donít. Iím fully aware that I donít get it. To me, I communicate normal. I donít think other people communicate normally Bc I donít get it. Obviously I live in the real world were people keep telling me Iím weird and wrong.

It feels like everyone telling you the sky is orange. But you know that itís blue. Itís very difficult.
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post #648 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 08:30 PM
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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The point of my thread is to basically say I donít get it because I donít. Iím fully aware that I donít get it. To me, I communicate normal. I donít think other people communicate normally Bc I donít get it. Obviously I live in the real world were people keep telling me Iím weird and wrong.

It feels like everyone telling you the sky is orange. But you know that itís blue. Itís very difficult.
You are you and what you have to offer might be perspective others need to hear because they can't think in a way you can. This will lead to your own struggles unfortunately, but being a Christian, think of it as you are God's gift to others who have lost their way and conventional wisdom doesn't reach them.

The only thing I might recommend is looking outside yourself to widen your own perspective. Being self aware is critical and many have no ability. But you can be so wrapped up in self awareness that you lose sight of others as a result. I worry you have gone down this path too far. To the point where understanding of others has now become foreign. I suspect this is a defense mechanism you have developed through your own trauma you've experienced. "Focus on yourself" is good to a point, but if you go to far it starts to hurt you and your ability to relate with others.

If my devils are to leave me, I'm afraid my angels will take flight as well.
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post #649 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 08:41 PM
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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Itís about balance, very simple.
And of course, different women will behave differently, given the same set of circumstances in the end.


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Dont put all your emotional eggs in one basket? Can you clarify please.

If my devils are to leave me, I'm afraid my angels will take flight as well.
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post #650 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 08:57 PM
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

One thing I want to add as far as toxic masculinity is concerned. When I was young, very young, i remember playing tee ball. There was a particular game we lost and it hit everyone on our team very hard. Kids HATE losing

After the game, I remember moms offering words of comfort to their sons. My mom was all cheery words of "did your best" and "you can't win them all..." My dad wasn't there, like always. I remember looking at the other kids and the dads would just simply say "it's alright son" and the boys would gravitate towards them, not their moms. No words needed. They just needed a rock. Someone they could go to and cry on. They didn't need uplifting words, they didn't want them. In that moment, they needed a rock steady presence. I remember thinking "that's what it's like to have a dad"

Pray tell, how is that toxic?

If my devils are to leave me, I'm afraid my angels will take flight as well.
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post #651 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 09:33 PM
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Do women lack empathy for men?

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Dont put all your emotional eggs in one basket? Can you clarify please.

Not really. My point was that if your partner really cares about you, they will listen and they will take care of you when you are seriously ill or in need (a man-cold doesnít count ). Just as @Girl_power said.
Men put a lot of this stuff (but not all of it - there really are women that donít give a **** or not enough ****s) on themselves, in terms of bottling up.
I donít know if it is a genetic trait to bottle up or societal conditioning/bringing up.
I know I can count on my wife in difficult times. But she wonít put up with my whining. Thatís what I meant about balance. We are all so innately ego-centric, that we sometimes forget that there are others, most closest to us, that have issues too.


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post #652 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:03 PM
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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I would never fight back. I would quietly take a beating and wait for it to be over and leave then fight back and be killed.
Guns make everyone the same size.
That's why one of the main effects of making it easier to carry a weapon is a reduction in rapes.

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Last edited by tech-novelist; 08-11-2019 at 10:04 PM. Reason: clarification
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post #653 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:06 PM
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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Guns make everyone the same size.
That's why one of the main effects of making it easier to carry a weapon is a reduction in rapes.


Ok I would rather take a beating and a mugging than be a murderer even if it is in self defense.
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post #654 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:08 PM
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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Guns make everyone the same size.
That's why one of the main effects of making it easier to carry a weapon is a reduction in rapes.

Because the rapist would become sexually more interested in the gun he just acquired by force, or for some other reason?


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post #655 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:12 PM
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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Ok I would rather take a beating and a mugging than be a murderer even if it is in self defense.
That makes a couple of assumptions that may need further consideration:
1. You assume that you would survive the beating or mugging, and
2. Self defense is murder.

Of course there are no interviews with people who thought they would survive a beating or mugging but were wrong. That's because they are dead.

And not only is self-defense not murder (it is killing, of course, but murder is intentional wrongful killing). It also prevents you from being murdered but prevents the attacker from harming others. If he will do that to you, why do you think he won't do it again if he can?


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post #656 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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That makes a couple of assumptions that may need further consideration:
1. You assume that you would survive the beating or mugging, and
2. Self defense is murder.

Of course there are no interviews with people who thought they would survive a beating or mugging but were wrong. That's because they are dead.

And not only is self-defense not murder (it is killing, of course, but murder is intentional wrongful killing). It also prevents you from being murdered but prevents the attacker from harming others. If he will do that to you, why do you think he won't do it again if he can?
Tech, personally I refuse to run scenarios like this in my head, because Iím not going catastrophe shopping.

Second, if Iím going to go out by the hand of some freak, then that is my fate. Iím not going to consider it my responsibility to kill him first so that he wonít kill others.

Itís sort of odd that you seem to be saying we have that type of responsibility.

Third, like gun enthusiasts are usually telling us, criminals donít folow any rules. So whatever gun fight I might imagine I could possibly win against a criminal with a gun in my face is simply a fantasy. I will be dead the moment he decides to kill me.
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post #657 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:27 PM
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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Tech, personally I refuse to run scenarios like this in my head, because Iím not going catastrophe shopping.

Second, if Iím going to go out by the hand of some freak, then that is my fate. Iím not going to consider it my responsibility to kill him first so that he wonít kill others.

Itís sort of odd that you seem to be saying we have that type of responsibility.

Third, like gun enthusiasts are usually telling us, criminals donít folow any rules. So whatever gun fight I might imagine I could possibly win against a criminal with a gun in my face is simply a fantasy. I will be dead the moment he decides to kill me.
It's your life. You're the only one who can decide how to live it.
I know I'd rather try to stop someone from killing me or a loved one if I had the chance.
The fact that doing so may save someone else doesn't mean I have an obligation to do so; it's just a bonus.

And as far as winning a gun fight, that's not what I was talking about. There are millions of incidents of self-defense using a gun per year, including several hundred thousand cases where women defend themselves against attack with a gun.

Here are some facts about this issue:

"Fact: Of the 2,500,000 annual self-defense cases using guns, more than 7.7% (192,500) are by women defending themselves against sexual abuse.

Fact: When a woman was armed with a gun or knife, only 3% of rape attacks were completed, compared to 32% when the woman was unarmed.

Fact: The probability of serious injury from an attack is 2.5 times greater for women offering no resistance than for women resisting with guns. Men also benefit from using guns, but the benefits are smaller: Men are 1.4 times more likely to receive a serious injury. "

(from Gun Facts | Gun Control, Guns and Crime Prevention)

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post #658 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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It's your life. You're the only one who can decide how to live it.
I know I'd rather try to stop someone from killing me or a loved one if I had the chance.
The fact that doing so may save someone else doesn't mean I have an obligation to do so; it's just a bonus.

And as far as winning a gun fight, that's not what I was talking about. There are millions of incidents of self-defense using a gun per year, including several hundred thousand cases where women defend themselves against attack with a gun.

Here are some facts about this issue:

"Fact: Of the 2,500,000 annual self-defense cases using guns, more than 7.7% (192,500) are by women defending themselves against sexual abuse.

Fact: When a woman was armed with a gun or knife, only 3% of rape attacks were completed, compared to 32% when the woman was unarmed.

Fact: The probability of serious injury from an attack is 2.5 times greater for women offering no resistance than for women resisting with guns. Men also benefit from using guns, but the benefits are smaller: Men are 1.4 times more likely to receive a serious injury. "

(from Gun Facts | Gun Control, Guns and Crime Prevention)
Iím not going to be able to kill someone, Tech.

If I get attacked of course I would do my best to fight. I might get lucky and gouge his eyes and run. If not, heís going to kill me.

Not a lovely thought. But the thought of me killing someone just in time before he kills me ... Iíd rather just face death instead.

Though as I already said, I honestly never think about this. I am not going to give this type of thought even a moment of my mental real estate.
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post #659 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:44 PM
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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Oh donít get me wrong, women can and do abuse some men, causing emotional pain to the extend where a man perhaps would beg for some physical punishment instead - i donít want to minimise this. The abuse just typically happens in different ways. Physical harm to men is not the typical way. Thatís one of the areas where Ďequalisationí does not really map onto reality, though in some cases it does.

In your case, I donít know what the issues were. But sounds like she had issues...could have been hormonal (PMS), **** knows.

I would never advocate violence, but sometimes a woman would do this in order to get a reaction out of a guy: she will try to push him Ďover the edgeí and wonít stop until he Ďlosesí it, with words or physical stuff. In those cases, i actually think pretending that you lost it, to get her off your back, might not be such a wrong thing, like a (gentle) slap or spank. You need to get the Crazy under control, screw being pc about it.
She will probably go insane for a moment, but will leave you alone immediately. This is self defence btw. Yes, you can spank people in self defence too
You just need to be sure that you donít ACTUALLY lose it and not start beating the crap out of her. Then itís obviously not ok...
Then itís better to get her out of your way (which may still involve some spanking if she is physically preventing you from leaving) and just leave. You have to judge it carefully whatís the most appropriate thing to do at the time.
Anyway, sounds like itís all water under the bridge now anyway.



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Her issue was that she was cheating, I didnít know it, and trying to be brutal enough that I would leave. Only I didnít.

So she upped the ante to physical violence.

When that didnít work, she left and then made up stories about why.

It wasnít PMS. It was planned, deliberate, and meaningful.
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post #660 of 706 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do women lack empathy for men?

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Iím not going to be able to kill someone, Tech.

If I get attacked of course I would do my best to fight. I might get lucky and gouge his eyes and run. If not, heís going to kill me.

Not a lovely thought. But the thought of me killing someone just in time before he kills me ... Iíd rather just face death instead.

Though as I already said, I honestly never think about this. I am not going to give this type of thought even a moment of my mental real estate.
Also @tech-novelist

I am not a gun hater. I do want something to change regarding mass shootings but that doesnít mean Iím all against guns or think people who have them are bad or wrong. I have female friends who have guns, both for protection and hunting. I think they are bad asses.

My choices for myself donít mean that I feel anyone else should do what Iím doing.
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