I will accept punishment for everything for the rest of my life and i will burn in hell for everything I did. Believe me that i'm not without shame.
has told you the gospel truth. And, that's not just an adage.... I mean, the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ does, incredibly, and wonderfully, indeed tell us exactly what Diana told you.
The bible quotes the Lord Himself saying that hell was not made for man, rather for the devil and his angels. You can spend eternity with God, and with countless others who have repented of their sin, and their lives have been changed, forever, by the truth of this gospel. It is your choice....the Lord is also quoted in the bible as saying "....I have set before you life, and death....therefore, choose life....that you may live....".
His choice is offered to all people, rich and poor, young and old, experienced and not experienced. The itinerant preacher who wrote roughly half of the New Testament was once a terrorist who participated in the killing of christians... The credited author of the first 5 books of the Old Testament, Moses, was also the murderer of an Egyptian slave-driver. Yet, through forgiveness, and faith in God, these men's lives were utterly transformed by God's intervention (because they asked Him, and accepted Him) to the degree they led numerous other people to the "turning point" where they made their decision to ask God to intervene in their lives, and make them what He intended them to be.....
It is not an immediate process. The Lord works on us over years, and decades, through times when we are attentive to Him, and times when we "backslide", allow lies to come into our thought process. He is there when we make right decisions, and He is there when we make wrong decisions.
But like any journey, it begins with a single step.
You are a believer. I can tell that from reading your words. I know that you know God not only exists, but that He is the creator, that you are made in His image, but you are coming to know that He is your Savior.
There is one thing, in your life, that is more important, and more urgent, than telling your husband about your past. And, that is, that you go to God Himself, just as Diana told you, admit your sins, and begin to receive His mercy and His forgiveness. It begins with a simple, single prayer.
It is a prayer that God has been waiting to hear from you since He sent you to the world through your mother's womb. He has been there with you, in everything you have done, in everything you have learned, in your parents, in your schoolteachers. He is interested in every aspect of your life, from your marriage, to your eventual children, to your extended family, your career, your church.
To quote an old gospel song:
Your hands were made to help your neighbor.....
Your eyes were made to read God's word....
Today is the day you can begin to become what God made you to be.....one of those things is a wonderful and Godly christian wife.....
My love in Christ and my prayers are with you.