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post #16 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 12:09 PM
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Re: Urgency anxiety

Ever look into GTD?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Getting_Things_Done

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post #17 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 12:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Urgency anxiety

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Are u ready to have kids?



No time like the present!!



I was like 23 when had the first.

Second son, in a yr and half.



Then, all done!


Of course Iím ready. Iíve been ready for years. The problem is the guy lol. My boyfriend and i have been dating for 8months, we donít live together, and he is only 31. Iím ready, but I canít pressure him.
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post #18 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 12:25 PM
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Re: Urgency anxiety

Not a woman but I have this. Round here we just call it being a high strung type A personality which I certainly am. In my youth it caused me to miss things by always worrying about other things definitely less important. Difficult to relax because some other thing in my mind had to be done.

Solution for me

I am a big believer in goals, Short and long term, and writing things down. When when I have a million things going on I write down everything that needs to get done in list form. I move over a few things to ďshort term goalsĒ and work those each day or each week. When a goal is accomplished I cross it off. If it needs more attention or later attention I move it back to the long term goals to work on again later. For me this helps keep things organized. More important by only focusing on things that need to be done today or this week I control my stress.
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post #19 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 12:34 PM
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Re: Urgency anxiety

@Girl_power, I was like you when I had more things to do than time to do them. It sounds like you are a very resonsible person, who has bitten off more than she can chew, while still enjoying life.

Years ago when I was stressed out with all the things I had (chosen) to do I had a friend who had peace. Her family was larger than mine and even so she had more peace than I had.

1. Her house was not as clean as mine. (her house was actually filthy.) For example, I washed out the kitchen garbage can once a week, she never washed hers out. I washed cabinet fronts if they got splashed, she did not. Her children were taught to do chores, and she didn't care how well the chores were done, as long as they were done. I wanted my house clean, so either I did the work myself, or if a child did it, I taught them how to do it and checked up on their work later on. Her: no stress. Me: lots of stress.

2. She didn't worry about finances: they were in huge debt and it was rising. She did not buy food on sale, did not learn to make anything herself instead of buying it ready made, etc. She bought food that she thought was deliciuos and easy to make, regardless of the price. (Rising debt would stress me out, but it didn't stress her out.)

3. Children unkempt. Their clothes had rips in them, girls' hair matted. The children didn't care, and neither did she. Less work, no stress. Definitely not my style. I sewed/rapaired my children's clothes. I brushed and styled all my daughters' hair every morning.

4. Her yard was a mess. Grass dying, sprinkler heads broken. I only know that because she told me. She worried about the neighbors complaining, but not enough to do anything about it. She had her own priorities: spending quality time with her children.

I realized that people are just different. I did learn from her that I needed to look at everything felt responsible for, and needed to decide how important it really was to me. I learned to start saying "no" to some things, but also knew which things were important to me enough tokeep doing.

For example, I quit dusting the house every week, and moved it out to once a month. It just didn't matter. Quit polishing our copper pots every time I washed them. Quit fixing every little hole that got in the childrens' clothes. Spread out housecleaning jobs to a level that was tolerable to me, and which gave me more time. Got rid of our pet laying hens, since the children did not do any of the chores related to them. (We sold them for $5 each and I let them have the money from their own chickens.) I began to use paper plates for lunch on home school days, and that gave me a huge amount of time. The children ate a lot of chicken fingers for lunch instead of homemade food. They preferred the chicken fingers anyway.

It might take a couple of rounds of you evaluating your responsibilities and eliminating some to get to a point where you feel you can breathe. Even so, because of your high sense of responsibility you will probably be more high strung than you like until your life slows down on its own.

Don't beat up on yourself. Be your own friend and give yourself kudos for your high standards while trying to figure out what you can take off the list of things you must do.
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post #20 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 12:49 PM
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Re: Urgency anxiety

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Yea I donít know how to control it. I am always future oriented.

Iím 33. All I can think about is timing out how many kids I can have, and when he has to propose by for my life to work out in the way I want it to. And I am always about timing and getting things done.
On the flip side, I see too many people my age not worry at all about the future and they are not making good decisions.

Iím trying to figure out a way to balance it. Anything ever help you?
When I was your age? No. I remained ultra-driven for several more decades. Now I've slowed down but age has done that. Basically I've worn myself out at this point and can no longer maintain that extreme focus for everything that I once had.
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post #21 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 12:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Urgency anxiety

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When I was your age? No. I remained ultra-driven for several more decades. Now I've slowed down but age has done that. Basically I've worn myself out at this point and can no longer maintain that extreme focus for everything that I once had.


Do you miss it? Also did you have any health problems because of it?
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post #22 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 01:01 PM
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Re: Urgency anxiety

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Do you miss it? Also did you have any health problems because of it?
Yes. And, yes.

In other words, don't be me.
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post #23 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 01:06 PM
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Cool Re: Urgency anxiety

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Ok ladies, I have urgency anxiety and I think this is something a lot of women have because we try to do it all, or at least control everything.

So basically in my head all the time I am aware of what I need to do, now, later, and after that and tomorrow. And it gives me stress and anxiety and it causes me not to live in the moment.

Anyone else have this problem? I justify it because I have a lot of things to do, and I’m great with time management and I get things done. It’s just me, I live by myself, I have no kids so I have to do everything for it to get done. Which is fine, but I find that I am not enjoying life as much as I could.
My first wife was cursed with this malady ~ she was a real control freak!

That behavior, along with her infidelity, simply doomed the marriage!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #24 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 04:11 PM
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Re: Urgency anxiety

My DW just wants to control.....me. 😂😂😂😂

My goal is to keep her challenged in this arena. Ha!

But, she's not too bad.

😍😍😍
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post #25 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 07:18 PM
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Re: Urgency anxiety

I would love to be as organized with food and such as you are! Perhaps you're also driven by routine ...whereas my routine is almost a non-routine, however, I'm actually working on establishing regularity to help in certain areas of my life. No doubt, there's a middle-ground to be had.

To an extent, I understand what you mean about having a clean home. I feel calmer when our home is clean and organized. I work full-time, and study part-time, and when I first started studying, the chores weren't getting done. I was getting stressed in my mind, looking around at what needed to be done - and either letting it slide but still feeling stressed about it, or getting it done and still feeling stressed because that meant longer nights of study. So, for the first time we got a cleaner. And what a difference it has made. I ensure the place is tidy for when she comes, but knowing she's doing the actual cleaning has made a huge difference with my mentals. I feel really lucky too, as beyond the main tasks we requested, she takes initiative to do other things as she sees. Often they go unnoticed by hubs, but I really appreciate them.

A mindset I'm prone to, is if I'm going to do something, then I do it 'properly' ...which can be great in terms of being organized, and achieving the desired result, but the flip-side is sometimes my priorities are misplaced if I'm not careful, and learning that I can ask others for help and support. Since being in a leadership role, I have noticed this is something I am getting better at. I feel I kind of have to, for my own endurance, and who I am for the team. There's a member in our team who is fantastic, but has anxiety, and her default is to ensure everything is 'right' - even if that means absorbing work of others and causing her more stress. I've encouraged her to step back, give others the opportunity to see things through, and if stuff gets missed, then let it get missed. It's not on her shoulders. She is adapting to this, and acknowledges what is occurring, is a more balanced approach with supporting one another. We are developing a culture of support, while being okay with mistakes - which are inevitable. If there's learning to be had, that's for me to address to determine why and how. However, I also trust the intentions of my team.

What helps me is to remind myself, as Jade suggested, what happens if this thing doesn't get done? And conscious of how, and why, I spend my efforts.


Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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post #26 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 07:29 PM
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Re: Urgency anxiety

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Another problem is i am so task oriented that on my free days I spend them cleaning, meal prepping and doing errands. I never hang out with friends because I FEEL too busy and anxious. So I never stop and enjoy life.
Ahhh... so how could you prioritize differently to allow for meeting up with friends? Social connection and friendships are really important. I have weekends where I block out as unavailable, to get assignments done, but I balance this with planning the study around certain dates so we still can meet up with friends. It still takes being organized, however, those moments with others are essential for well-being (plus, just having fun!).

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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post #27 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 07:58 PM
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Could it be that you are so highly independent that everything needs to be urgently completed to your satisfaction and by your standards because your standards for yourself are so high and you do not rely on others? You cannot relax and always need to be one step ahead. If you get behind that may result in failure and a harder time in the near future. And we fear failure. Well, that's what I've come to realize about myself recently and your initial post just described me so maybe we can relate lol.
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post #28 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-26-2019, 07:55 AM
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Re: Urgency anxiety

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Itís hard to explain... but when I fall behind in things it just gets out of control. And my threshold for stress lowers. So a little tiny inconvenience is a big deal to me. And I get so stressed out and tense inside and I go into this survival mode where I just do what I need to do not to lose my **** and have a panic attack... so that basically means sleeping a lot, taking a lot of bubble baths and his really trying to relax Bc on the inside I feel like I am going to snap. So of course when I do this... I live a very unhealthy, self indulgent life style Bc I am just trying to appease myself and make myself happy if that makes sense. So I will neglect everything, eat out everyday, and sleep a lot and relax a lot.
Is some self-indulgence such a bad thing?

I ask this as an honest question -- I know lots of people who get only a couple hours of sleep a night, and never take time to smell the roses because they are always on the go, go, go, trying to keep up with impossible demands and impossible dreams. Unfortunately, it's only sustainable for so long .... I also know lots of people who have done serious damage to their health by trying to maintain these routines ... and often end up *having* to take time to recuperate, heal, sleep. One guy I know is but 35 and he just came back from almost a year of recovering from a major heart attack from all the stress.

Taking time for yourself, to look after yourself shouldn't be seen as a bad thing, or as falling apart, IMHO. It is part of finding balance and staying healthy and happy.
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post #29 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-26-2019, 08:04 AM
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Re: Urgency anxiety

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
Yea I donít know how to control it. I am always future oriented.

Iím 33. All I can think about is timing out how many kids I can have, and when he has to propose by for my life to work out in the way I want it to. And I am always about timing and getting things done.
On the flip side, I see too many people my age not worry at all about the future and they are not making good decisions.

Iím trying to figure out a way to balance it. Anything ever help you?
You probably won't like my answer to this question, but I learned long ago that life never works out the way you want it to. But this isn't necessarily a bad thing ... sometimes the best laid plans don't actually lead to the best result.

Ultimately, the more important it is to you to control everything, the more anxiety you will have and the harder it will be to let it go. The more you can roll with the punches and find sliver linings in set backs, the easier it will be to not let the anxiety overwhelm you.

At least, that's my experience.
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post #30 of 46 (permalink) Old 09-26-2019, 09:59 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Urgency anxiety

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Ahhh... so how could you prioritize differently to allow for meeting up with friends? Social connection and friendships are really important. I have weekends where I block out as unavailable, to get assignments done, but I balance this with planning the study around certain dates so we still can meet up with friends. It still takes being organized, however, those moments with others are essential for well-being (plus, just having fun!).


I think that I am going to try journaling to keep myself accountable. I am a home body by nature, and I often make excuses why I canít go out so I can stay home lol. But I do know that socializing is important, Iím just not good or comfortable, or that happy when I do it at times. So my plan is to journal and make an effort to be social a few times a week.
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