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post #16 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 04:57 PM
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Re: Is oral a given for most?

I am always amazed at how so many seem to base their choice of a partner on one or two things that they will or wont do sexually. For me my choice of partner is based on so many more things, oral sex or not oral sex is not something I would ever end a good relationship over.

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post #17 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 05:22 PM
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Even 20 years ago when I was dating, no enthusiastic BJs meant that we didn’t date.

Getting into a relationship with someone closed sexually is a slow death. Been there, done that.
What makes you think that a woman who wont do blow jobs is closed sexually? She may well be happy to do all sorts of other things but not that.
Must be the full moon but I actually agree with you @Diana7. ;-D I too try to judge people based on the idea that the whole is greater that than the sum of their parts.

As far as sexual acts go, I don't allow semen in my mouth. I don't hold it against anyone if they judge me as a sexual reject. To me it's a compatibility issue. If it means so much for them to have a woman who let's them cum in their mouth, then who am I to judge. They just won't get to enjoy the other 100 things I do enjoy doing.

Last edited by Lila; 10-13-2019 at 05:27 PM.
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post #18 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 05:25 PM
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Re: Is oral a given for most?

Reminds me of an old joke:

Why is the bride smiling when she walks down the aisle?

Because she knows she's given her last BJ.
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post #19 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 05:46 PM
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Re: Is oral a given for most?

I like giving it when it is wanted and sometimes when it is not necessary wanted but I am in the mood to give it. But I do not like getting it regularly. I will have it now and then but not like it all the time. It is too intense and stops me giving back anything.
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post #20 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 05:46 PM
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I am always amazed at how so many seem to base their choice of a partner on one or two things that they will or wont do sexually. For me my choice of partner is based on so many more things, oral sex or not oral sex is not something I would ever end a good relationship over.
Why are you amazed? Picking a partner based on how compatible they are with you (whether it be sexual or nonsexual), is probably the most important factor in a healthy relationship. Everyone is different and looks for different things in a relationship that are important. In my case, I learned a very important lesson, never settle for less then what you want/need. It leads to resentment and unhappiness.
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post #21 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 06:21 PM
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Even 20 years ago when I was dating, no enthusiastic BJs meant that we didn’t date.

Getting into a relationship with someone closed sexually is a slow death. Been there, done that.
What makes you think that a woman who wont do blow jobs is closed sexually? She may well be happy to do all sorts of other things but not that.
Must be the full moon but I actually agree with you @Diana7. ;-D I too try to judge people based on the idea that the whole is greater that than the sum of their parts.

As far as sexual acts go, I don't allow semen in my mouth. I don't hold it against anyone if they judge me as a sexual reject. To me it's a compatibility issue. If it means so much for them to have a woman who let's them cum in their mouth, then who am I to judge. They just won't get to enjoy the other 100 things I do enjoy doing.
Yeah I don’t go there either. And in my experience most guys don’t “expect” it. They hope you will but it’s not a requirement. I haven’t had any complaints.
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post #22 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 06:25 PM Thread Starter
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I am always amazed at how so many seem to base their choice of a partner on one or two things that they will or wont do sexually. For me my choice of partner is based on so many more things, oral sex or not oral sex is not something I would ever end a good relationship over.
I must say, I have been enlightened. Honestly, I never realized a woman not giving bjs alone could be a dealbreaker. Well, I’m sure it could be for some, but I didn’t realize it was so common, especially when there might be 100 other things she would do.

There is nothing more sad or glorious than generations changing hands- John Mellencamp
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post #23 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 06:32 PM
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Re: Is oral a given for most?

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I am always amazed at how so many seem to base their choice of a partner on one or two things that they will or wont do sexually. For me my choice of partner is based on so many more things, oral sex or not oral sex is not something I would ever end a good relationship over.
I am always amazed when people accuse others of basing their choice of one or two things (and for some reason it always seems to be men and sex).

Judt because something is deemed important.... even important enough to be a deal breaker.... doesn't mean that's the ONLY thing under consideration.

Of course we take the whole package into account. But if ANY of a number of essential elements is missing, it's not going to be a match. That doesn't mean that was the ONLY essential element.

You have said that you would never be with a man who watches porn. Nobody would ever accuse you of thinking you ONLY choose a man based on his attitude toward pornography.

If a woman ends a relationship with a man because he refuses to work, we dont say she ONLY wanted him for his income. She just wants someone who is willing to be a partner and adequate contributor to the family finances.
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post #24 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 06:39 PM
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I am always amazed at how so many seem to base their choice of a partner on one or two things that they will or wont do sexually. For me my choice of partner is based on so many more things, oral sex or not oral sex is not something I would ever end a good relationship over.
I am always amazed when people accuse others of basing their choice of one or two things (and for some reason it always seems to be men and sex).

Judt because something is deemed important.... even important enough to be a deal breaker.... doesn't mean that's the ONLY thing under consideration.

Of course we take the whole package into account. But if ANY of a number of essential elements is missing, it's not going to be a match. That doesn't mean that was the ONLY essential element.

You have said that you would never be with a man who watches porn. Nobody would ever accuse you of thinking you ONLY choose a man based on his attitude toward pornography.

If a woman ends a relationship with a man because he refuses to work, we dont say she ONLY wanted him for his income. She just wants someone who is willing to be a partner and adequate contributor to the family finances.
To be fair, I think the equivalent comparison would be a woman who ends a relationship with a man ONLY because he refuses to do one specific task for employment (he works, brings home an income but refuses to do one specific task.... Restocking shelves for example).
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post #25 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 06:48 PM
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Yeah I don’t go there either. And in my experience most guys don’t “expect” it. They hope you will but it’s not a requirement. I haven’t had any complaints.
No one has come out and told me "sorry, no swallowing no dating" but then again maybe that's what they were thinking when they chose not to see me again after discussing boundaries.

I do know men for whom this is VERY important. They will willingly overlook huge (IMO massive) red flags to have a women who enjoys giving BJs, will gurgle their jizz, and swallow it like melted marshmallow. To each their own.

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post #26 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 06:48 PM
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I am always amazed at how so many seem to base their choice of a partner on one or two things that they will or wont do sexually. For me my choice of partner is based on so many more things, oral sex or not oral sex is not something I would ever end a good relationship over.
I am always amazed when people accuse others of basing their choice of one or two things (and for some reason it always seems to be men and sex).

Judt because something is deemed important.... even important enough to be a deal breaker.... doesn't mean that's the ONLY thing under consideration.

Of course we take the whole package into account. But if ANY of a number of essential elements is missing, it's not going to be a match. That doesn't mean that was the ONLY essential element.

You have said that you would never be with a man who watches porn. Nobody would ever accuse you of thinking you ONLY choose a man based on his attitude toward pornography.

If a woman ends a relationship with a man because he refuses to work, we dont say she ONLY wanted him for his income. She just wants someone who is willing to be a partner and adequate contributor to the family finances.
I agree. Seems to me that if men have any specific sexual act that they enjoy and look for in a relationship to ensure compatibility it is automatically deemed a "character flaw". And yes, in my case it was just the last straw in other missing things in the relationship
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post #27 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 07:00 PM
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Re: Is oral a given for most?

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To be fair, I think the equivalent comparison would be a woman who ends a relationship with a man ONLY because he refuses to do one specific task for employment (he works, brings home an income but refuses to do one specific task.... Restocking shelves for example).
Yeah, it's not a perfect analogy. Hopefully it still helps explain the idea that just because something's a deal breaker, doesn't mean it's the ONLY thing.
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post #28 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 07:07 PM
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Yeah, it's not a perfect analogy. Hopefully it still helps explain the idea that just because something's a deal breaker, doesn't mean it's the ONLY thing.
It may not be for you but others on this thread have said that it IS a dealbreaker. That's who @Diana7's comment was directed to.
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post #29 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 07:11 PM
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Re: Is oral a given for most?

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I recently saw a few minutes of a female comedian, Nikki Glaser...
I watched that on Netflix. The whole time I was thinking, perhaps I am that ONE guy that does not like BJs or something. Everything she said sounded so gross, disturbing, and down right abusive towards women.

If a guy has to grab a woman's head... umm isn't that just jerking off with her face (as in assisted masturbation by using your wife's face as a toy or something)? Can't see how that is enjoyable for anyone involved...

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post #30 of 282 (permalink) Old 10-13-2019, 07:27 PM
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Re: Is oral a given for most?

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What makes you think that a woman who wont do blow jobs is closed sexually? She may well be happy to do all sorts of other things but not that.
If a man screams at you when he gets angry while dating, it may not mean he'll become physically abusive later on. But it's a glimpse of his disposition.

Similarly, a woman would be revealing that she is uncomfortable with a routine sexual act. Whatever the reason, the thought process, just as with man-who-screams, is "If he/she is doing this now when she's trying to impress me, what's she going to be doing in 5 years after we're married and have 2 kids? How will this pattern/behavior evolve and progress?"

Not favorably. At least, that's what a lot of people's experience has taught us.

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They will willingly overlook huge (IMO massive) red flags to have a women who enjoys giving BJs, will gurgle their jizz, and swallow it like melted marshmallow. To each their own.
Lol. If I may ask, is your distaste for the substance based on it's taste/consistency then?

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