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post #1 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 08:12 PM Thread Starter
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Stains on boxers

My relationship has been pretty rough from the start. After the first year of living together I noticed my husband would leave the bedroom after we would lay down to go to sleep. I didn’t think much of it until I woke up during the night and noticed he still wasn’t in bed... I decided to go to the living room to see what he was doing and caught him watching porn. When I confronted him about it he got really defensive and said it’s none of my business what he does on his alone time. I then started noticing he would take his phone in the shower with him. One night he was in there for a long time and when he came out I wanted to have sex and he said he didn’t want to so I asked if he had watched porn in the shower and he screamed at me and said yes! Then another night we had been intimate and then went to bed , I woke up like 2 hours later about 2 in the morning and he wasn’t in the bed.... so I went to the living room and caught him watching porn again and I told him i couldn’t believe him because we just had sex and I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him. I have also snooped on his phone and noticed he’s been watching porn constantly! Then I saw a web cam site he was looking at too! I never told him because he’s know I snooped. To me this goes way beyond watching porn! These are actual live girls! Just recently I was doing the laundry and noticed semen stains on the “outside” of his boxers! All that goes through my mind is he had sexual with someone ! How else could stains be on the outside! I haven’t confronted him about it and don’t know how. I’m beginning to think that he cheated on me even though we have sex almost every night he still watches porn and now I find this! Please someone tell me what all this means!!

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post #2 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 08:42 PM
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Re: Stains on boxers

How long have you been married?

I don't know that he is cheating. He is absolutely a porn addict and has to get his fix regardless of whether he has sex with you or not.

I would honestly suggest cutting it off if you wouldn't be put in a bind.

He isn't healthy and getting a porn addict to reform is like fighting an uphill battle for years.
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post #3 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 08:46 PM Thread Starter
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We’ve been together for 3 years now and every time I bring up the topic of his porn obsession he gets angry and sees nothing wrong with it. I feel like the live web cam watching now is leading to other things, like he’s curious about being with other women. I’m just not understanding how his boxers would have stains on the outside??? It wasn’t just a spot it was quit a bit . I talked to my friend about it and she thinks he had a sexual envy with someone and didn’t take his clothes off but kep then in just pulling his make part through the front. This keeps going through my mind because it makes sense and I’m so scared to talk about it with him
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post #4 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 09:06 PM
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Re: Stains on boxers

How did you meet and start dating?
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post #5 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 09:44 PM Thread Starter
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post #6 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 09:57 PM
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Re: Stains on boxers

This is something that I just wouldn't put up with. Porn use will often lead to more extreme porn or other things. You may need to give him an ultimatum, you or them, and mean it. Whether he is doing anything sexual with another in person or not, this won't stop unless you do something. As for the webcam being actual live girls, yes it is, but porn is also real girls. Both just as bad as each other.
To be honest you knew what he was like yet you married him anyway, but you may need to risk losing him.

Last edited by Diana7; 11-19-2019 at 10:01 PM.
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post #7 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 02:55 AM
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Re: Stains on boxers

I'm a man and yes .... I watch porn.....and so do all my buddies.

With that being said I don't know anyone that is that hard set into it like your husband and surely that cam girl stuff is WAY off the deep end !

As far as the boxer shorts goes .... it's probably the nearest thing he grabbed while jerking off to porn.

People with porn issues are usually very defensive about it .... especially if it is something they hide from their spouse.

I'm with @Diana7 on this one ..... "To be honest you knew what he was like yet you married him anyway, but you may need to risk losing him."

Some of those cam girls are probably caught up in sex slavery ........ it's horrible to even think about.

EDIT: I want to add that if for you porn is a no go in relationships ....... then you have every right in the world to defend that position. Setting your own boundaries is a good thing.
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post #8 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 02:05 PM Thread Starter
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So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕
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post #9 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 02:35 PM
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Re: Stains on boxers

Yes it's shame at work, here and now he's on the attack .

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #10 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 02:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenwarren76 View Post
So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕

OMG ....... that’s terrible!!!!!!!
I agree you need counsel....the legal kind.

Ok now with that out the way......it might be his defense mechanism kicking in to back you down because likely that kind of talk worked in the past. Either way it is a horrible way to treat your spouse. How far do you think you can push him ? Who will back down first?

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post #11 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 02:55 PM
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Re: Stains on boxers

" But none of your business ", is fear talking. But deny he may and but it still will not solved this issues. As it may be does this shake your world so much that it is affecting your physic or would you let him indulge once in awhile? I can imagine if my wife needed to look at other men. It would be my straw the broke the camel's back. But that's me and l have enough determination to leave. Do you?

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #12 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 03:03 PM
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Re: Stains on boxers

Heís a jerk. Your brining up your concerns and he is turning it around on you and getting mad at you. This is such manipulation. Your his wife, of course you have the right to know what he is doing in his free time.
If he isnít willing to work with you then you should leave him.
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post #13 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 03:10 PM
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You never mentioned anything about kids unless I missed it.

There is at least one ex porn addict here....if he wants to talk about it... or his wife.
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post #14 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 03:17 PM
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Re: Stains on boxers

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenwarren76 View Post
So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said itís none of my business and Iím a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕
Well, he sounds like a real sweetheart. I agree with @Tilted 1 and @Mr.Married here: heís shaming you for calling him out (which is really low), and you do need counsel of the legal kind. He needs counsel of the therapy kind, and has a real addiction to porn. I personally havenít dealt with something like that, but have heard that itís really hard to fix within a relationship.

In a relationship, both people need to communicate and feel comfortable bringing up issues that may arise. When one person does that, and the other person throws it in the face of the spouse who brought it up, thatís just plain mean. It also sounds like heís being manipulative and controlling, which are always fun to deal with as well. I dealt with a spouse at one point who also told me that I needed counselling (but because I like a clean house). Thatís manipulation at itís finest, and no one needs to put up with **** like that.
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post #15 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 03:24 PM
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Re: Stains on boxers

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenwarren76 View Post
So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said itís none of my business and Iím a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕
Is there any childhood trauma in your past?
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