How weird is to have had only one partner? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 01:03 PM Thread Starter
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How weird is to have had only one partner?

How weird is to have had only one partner? My soon to be ex husband was my first. We are in the middle of divorce. I just cannot imagine ever being with another man. Maybe I find it so hard to let him go because he was my first? I am 36 yo.

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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 01:43 PM
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Re: How weird is to have had only one partner?

When you had your first child, did you find it impossible to imagine you would have enough love to give to another one? Yet, miraculously you had the same amount of infinite love for the next child.

It is similar with love and sexual attraction for a man. When you are divorced and you meet a man who has what it takes to turn your head, it will happen. It will be eerily like you are in love for the first time again, but with life experiences to add to it. The first kiss will be exciting and electric, as will all the rest.

It is honorable that you haven't lusted over other men while with your ex husband. Do you think that it is because you are a person of principle and not because he was the only person in the world capable of bringing on sexual feelings? Before the marital problems, how were your sexual experiences with your husband? If they were good, you will be able to feel desire for someone else when the time is right.
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 02:58 PM
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Re: How weird is to have had only one partner?

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Originally Posted by anna88 View Post
Maybe I find it so hard to let him go because he was my first? I am 36 yo.
Unless I miss my guess, you married young? If so, he was not only your first and only sex partner, but also your only real adult romantic relationship. That's a lot to let go.

Don't worry, when you find a man who attracts you I bet you'll be able to imagine quite a lot!

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 03:35 PM Thread Starter
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Maybe I find it so hard to let him go because he was my first? I am 36 yo.
Unless I miss my guess, you married young? If so, he was not only your first and only sex partner, but also your only real adult romantic relationship. That's a lot to let go.

Don't worry, when you find a man who attracts you I bet you'll be able to imagine quite a lot!
Yes, I married young and he was my only real romantic relationship.
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 03:38 PM Thread Starter
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When you had your first child, did you find it impossible to imagine you would have enough love to give to another one? Yet, miraculously you had the same amount of infinite love for the next child.

It is similar with love and sexual attraction for a man. When you are divorced and you meet a man who has what it takes to turn your head, it will happen. It will be eerily like you are in love for the first time again, but with life experiences to add to it. The first kiss will be exciting and electric, as will all the rest.

It is honorable that you haven't lusted over other men while with your ex husband. Do you think that it is because you are a person of principle and not because he was the only person in the world capable of bringing on sexual feelings? Before the marital problems, how were your sexual experiences with your husband? If they were good, you will be able to feel desire for someone else when the time is right.
Thank you! You described it so nicely and it is very true. I couldn't imagine loving another baby besides my son and after I had my daughther I realised how mistaken I was.
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 03:44 PM Thread Starter
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My marriage had a lot of serious issues (abuse of all kinds). But sex was always good.
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 03:51 PM
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Re: How weird is to have had only one partner?

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My marriage had a lot of serious issues (abuse of all kinds). But sex was always good.
Since you enjoyed sex in your last marriage, there is no reason you won't enjoy it in your next. Take your time getting to know him, and don't have sex too soon, because it creates feel good hormones that will bond you to him. It takes quite a while to really get to know someone, up to 2 years. You will want to see how he behaves in adverse conditions, how he treats people, how he manages his money, plans for dreams (or doesn't plan and is just talk) etc. If you get involved sexually, you will become somewhat blind to many things and may end up in another bad relationship.
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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 03:53 PM
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Re: How weird is to have had only one partner?

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My marriage had a lot of serious issues (abuse of all kinds). But sex was always good.
After you get D, and you are ready to date, and go out with a few guys and have different experiences, you might look back on this statement differently.
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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 03:54 PM
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Re: How weird is to have had only one partner?

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How weird is to have had only one partner? My soon to be ex husband was my first. We are in the middle of divorce. I just cannot imagine ever being with another man. Maybe I find it so hard to let him go because he was my first? I am 36 yo.
Sorry to hear that.
I am a little older than you and we are both our firsts and been married nearly 15 years.

To be honest, I would not consider being with another if we divorced or he died. I would just accept that its how life is going to be.
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 03:56 PM
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Re: How weird is to have had only one partner?

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How weird is to have had only one partner? My soon to be ex husband was my first. We are in the middle of divorce. I just cannot imagine ever being with another man. Maybe I find it so hard to let him go because he was my first? I am 36 yo.
If he was an abuser then I would have wanted to leave long before now. I hope that you will choose more carefully next time.

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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 03:57 PM
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Re: How weird is to have had only one partner?

All great advice, but what you should know is that allow yourself at least 1 year before really meeting someone or else it will become a rebound relationship. Be cautious and don't do this!

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 03:59 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anna88 View Post
How weird is to have had only one partner? My soon to be ex husband was my first. We are in the middle of divorce. I just cannot imagine ever being with another man. Maybe I find it so hard to let him go because he was my first? I am 36 yo.
Sorry to hear that.
I am a little older than you and we are both our firsts and been married nearly 15 years.

To be honest, I would not consider being with another if we divorced or he died. I would just accept that its how life is going to be.
We were both our firts too 😞
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 05:00 PM
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Re: How weird is to have had only one partner?

It is rare but not weird at all and your feelings are very normal.

I'm so sorry he is abusive and doesn't realize what a gift you two had.
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 05:24 PM
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Re: How weird is to have had only one partner?

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Originally Posted by anna88 View Post
How weird is to have had only one partner? My soon to be ex husband was my first. We are in the middle of divorce. I just cannot imagine ever being with another man. Maybe I find it so hard to let him go because he was my first? I am 36 yo.
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Sorry to hear that.
I am a little older than you and we are both our firsts and been married nearly 15 years.

To be honest, I would not consider being with another if we divorced or he died. I would just accept that its how life is going to be.
me too, at least you have found other people who have only had one partner. Hope it helps you feel less weird.
Abuse is my dealbreaker. But having said that my spouse is the only woman who has gotten away with hitting me. Long story, long ago.

I'm considerably older than you two and most of my reluctance to consider trying again is being old and broken down. Also less time to wait for the final curtain.
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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 05:59 PM
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Re: How weird is to have had only one partner?

My wife and I are one and onlys and I have to admit I'd be a little nervous my first time if we were ever divorced.
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