Singles of TAM 2019 - Page 113 - Talk About Marriage
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post #1681 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 01:46 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Me too! That last guy was dying to tell me that after 2 weeks! Wth? He kept stopping short...saying he was REALLY falling for me That screams emotionally needy to me. Pass.


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Wow, I would seriously question the emotional and mental health of someone who was saying that after only two weeks! Can you say "love bombing?" Seriously!

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post #1682 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 02:05 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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That's an interesting take I hadn't considered. If that's the case then I like this because it makes me happy without pressure, so I can better evaluate compatibility. It ties in with my thinking about this limerance interfering with good judgement. At this point there's nothing to make me think I couldn't be with him long term.....the marriage thing may well be a non issue as we're clearly not going to have kids together and we both work and support ourselves. I suppose I'd consider it if it turned out to be something he really wanted but I don't care that much. I'd be just as happy to have a compatible, supportive partner to keep me company.

I'm not suited to big declarations of love anyway. It's always made me uncomfortable.
My feeling is that as long as you're happy--and not engaging in any actions that are unhealthy or harmful--then that is great, and keep doing what you're doing.

If you want more, you're not getting the more that you want, and your partner isn't willing to give it to you... well, then you need to consider if you want to keep on with the present relationship, or end it to seek out what you want.

It sounds to me like you're happy with the relationship. That's all the matters. Your friend, the one who is casting doubt because you guys haven't exchanged ILY yet? She's just projecting her relationship goals/expectations onto your relationship. That's what SHE wants/expects on a relationship, and that's great--for her. Don't let her cause you to question what you know to be right for you.

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post #1683 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 07:35 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by Elizabeth001 View Post
Me too! That last guy was dying to tell me that after 2 weeks! Wth? He kept stopping short...saying he was REALLY falling for me That screams emotionally needy to me. Pass.
Wow, I would seriously question the emotional and mental health of someone who was saying that after only two weeks! Can you say "love bombing?" Seriously!
That is someone who doesn't know the difference between lust/limerence and love.

In other words, the kind of man who would profess undying devotion, but then when another woman came along who triggered that lust, he would tell you he loved you but was not in love with you. Probably AFTER starting an affair.
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post #1684 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 07:43 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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That is someone who doesn't know the difference between lust/limerence and love.



In other words, the kind of man who would profess undying devotion, but then when another woman came along who triggered that lust, he would tell you he loved you but was not in love with you. Probably AFTER starting an affair.


Naaa...this guy was married for over 30 years and she took care of everything. I think hes looking for a new mommy.


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post #1685 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 08:29 AM
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One of my New Year's Resolutions this year is to live in the moment. In that vein, I had another great night last night. I went out with the guy I met last week at the impromptu event. I was my flirty self again and actually ramped it up to "seductive tease" mode.

I'm still not sure of his level of interest. He responded to my flirtatiousness but he didn't initiate. I even initiated "the kiss" (a very sensual soft kiss) which he reciprocated but didn't escalate. The only time this has happened to me in the past, the guy wasn't interested and just forcing himself to give me the "3 date trial period".

Any insight would be appreciated. For reference, he is quite a bit older than me.
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post #1686 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 11:17 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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You're absolutely right. After chatting with him some more he's definitely not attracted to me in a romantic sense but he can still be a good friend and that's good with me.









It does feel good to be me. It may not help me attract a partner but that's ok. At least I can keep my friends entertained with my adventures.
Letting people see that playful side of you will do far more to attract the right person than most other things you could do.

KEEP...DOING...IT...

Be UNAPOLOGETICALLY you.

That 'you' is a fun person to be around.

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"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #1687 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 12:02 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
One of my New Year's Resolutions this year is to live in the moment. In that vein, I had another great night last night. I went out with the guy I met last week at the impromptu event. I was my flirty self again and actually ramped it up to "seductive tease" mode.

I'm still not sure of his level of interest. He responded to my flirtatiousness but he didn't initiate. I even initiated "the kiss" (a very sensual soft kiss) which he reciprocated but didn't escalate. The only time this has happened to me in the past, the guy wasn't interested and just forcing himself to give me the "3 date trial period".

Any insight would be appreciated. For reference, he is quite a bit older than me.
How old is "quite a bit"?

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post #1688 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 12:49 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
One of my New Year's Resolutions this year is to live in the moment. In that vein, I had another great night last night. I went out with the guy I met last week at the impromptu event. I was my flirty self again and actually ramped it up to "seductive tease" mode.

I'm still not sure of his level of interest. He responded to my flirtatiousness but he didn't initiate. I even initiated "the kiss" (a very sensual soft kiss) which he reciprocated but didn't escalate. The only time this has happened to me in the past, the guy wasn't interested and just forcing himself to give me the "3 date trial period".

Any insight would be appreciated. For reference, he is quite a bit older than me.
Are you really interested in him or are you just having fun? Depending on his age, he may be of the mind that men make the moves. Or, he may be wary and protecting his heart.

I could give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter.
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post #1689 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 01:34 PM
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Letting people see that playful side of you will do far more to attract the right person than most other things you could do.

KEEP...DOING...IT...

Be UNAPOLOGETICALLY you.

That 'you' is a fun person to be around.

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I know I'm the fun friend. I just wish I could be the fun girlfriend .

I feel like that saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride" fits me.

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How old is "quite a bit"?
He's in his early 60s.

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Are you really interested in him or are you just having fun? Depending on his age, he may be of the mind that men make the moves. Or, he may be wary and protecting his heart.
I'm definitely interested (he's very attractive and we share a lot in common) but I wouldn't risk a friendship with him if he's not interested.
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post #1690 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 06:50 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

Sorry, @Lila, he's too old for you. He probably has grandkids your son's age. And, you know that myth that men age better than women? Don't you believe it. Just don't believe it. By age 70, they all (ok, most *< that was only to mollify the ones who hate generalizations*) start to look like that portrait in the attic.


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post #1691 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 07:12 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

Lila, look elsewhere.

As someone who just got rid of a 19 years older guy i can tell you it ain't worth it.
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post #1692 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 07:55 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

@Lila

I third those opinions.


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post #1693 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 09:45 AM
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Sorry, @Lila, he's too old for you. He probably has grandkids your son's age. And, you know that myth that men age better than women? Don't you believe it. Just don't believe it. By age 70, they all (ok, most *< that was only to mollify the ones who hate generalizations*) start to look like that portrait in the attic.
Luckily his kids are in their late 20s, unmarried and no grandkids but I do understand what you're saying. I absolutely know that men do not age better than women. IME, most age worse because they stop taking care of themselves.

I lol'd at the "portrait in the Attic". Hahaha. Have to agree.

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Lila, look elsewhere.

As someone who just got rid of a 19 years older guy i can tell you it ain't worth it.
I know you're right but the question is where do I look?. Trust me, I've been looking. Just last night I went out to a singles event. Almost everyone there was around my age and relatively attractive. I sat at a table with 4 men and 5 women (me included). I literally kept the group laughing and the conversation going with stories. By all accounts, everyone was having a good time. The four men paired up with the four other women and I ended trading numbers with the women because, ya know, women like having a funny friend. That's my life.
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post #1694 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 10:37 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Luckily his kids are in their late 20s, unmarried and no grandkids but I do understand what you're saying. I absolutely know that men do not age better than women. IME, most age worse because they stop taking care of themselves.

I lol'd at the "portrait in the Attic". Hahaha. Have to agree.



I know you're right but the question is where do I look?. Trust me, I've been looking. Just last night I went out to a singles event. Almost everyone there was around my age and relatively attractive. I sat at a table with 4 men and 5 women (me included). I literally kept the group laughing and the conversation going with stories. By all accounts, everyone was having a good time. The four men paired up with the four other women and I ended trading numbers with the women because, ya know, women like having a funny friend. That's my life.


Take up cycling and join a club. I'm serious....it's 90 percent men and all of the single ones are looking. I know a lot of couples who met that way, and a shocking number are comparatively aged. It draws a predominantly 40 and up crowd with a few 30 somethings. I don't know anyone in the bike club with a large age difference.

It's a blast, but also a time consuming hobby and it's a lot of time to spend together. I met my guy the 1st day I showed up to a club, and a few more had expressed interest before the guy I'm seeing made clear he was there

Plus, all athletic hobbies are good for you.

I have a running buddy who is 51 and met his 53 year old gf through a meetup group. He says it saved him after his divorce.....says he would've been home on his couch every night. They still go to the group together.

Last edited by lifeistooshort; 01-04-2020 at 10:45 AM.
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post #1695 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 10:49 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Yep...tried to tell him that to no avail. Cant believe a 59 year old man acting like a luv sick teenager. PAlease.


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Come on. Give the guy a break.

I can barely resist you and your only an anonymous, if cute, doggy avatar on the internet!
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