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post #1696 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 11:22 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Come on. Give the guy a break.



I can barely resist you and your only an anonymous, if cute, doggy avatar on the internet!


@Lila is my sister from another mister. We are in the same place.

Lila... STOP LOOKING. That’s your answer. Live your life and feel your best. If it was meant to be, it will find you!


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post #1697 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 11:27 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

@ConanHub... he’s my special child. Not the brightest crayon in the box but is so loving and loyal to me. He’s curled up right beside me as I type on this warm, rainy day in VA.

My favorite puppy picture of him although he turned 7 on the 27th of December:



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post #1698 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 11:29 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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@ConanHub... he’s my special child. Not the brightest crayon in the box but is so loving and loyal to me. He’s curled up right beside me as I type on this warm, rainy day in VA.

My favorite puppy picture of him although he turned 7 on the 27th of December:



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I'm a sucker for cute puppy eyes.

Great picture!
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post #1699 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 12:40 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Luckily his kids are in their late 20s, unmarried and no grandkids but I do understand what you're saying. I absolutely know that men do not age better than women. IME, most age worse because they stop taking care of themselves.

I lol'd at the "portrait in the Attic". Hahaha. Have to agree.



I know you're right but the question is where do I look?. Trust me, I've been looking. Just last night I went out to a singles event. Almost everyone there was around my age and relatively attractive. I sat at a table with 4 men and 5 women (me included). I literally kept the group laughing and the conversation going with stories. By all accounts, everyone was having a good time. The four men paired up with the four other women and I ended trading numbers with the women because, ya know, women like having a funny friend. That's my life.
Lila I say this gently. Stop trying so hard.
Again gently, while you are being the “funny one” at a meet up, the people who you are meeting are nervous and cautious and you are coming on too strong.

When someone says it’s not the money it’s the principle,it’s always the money.
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post #1700 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 01:06 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Lila I say this gently. Stop trying so hard.
Again gently, while you are being the “funny one” at a meet up, the people who you are meeting are nervous and cautious and you are coming on too strong.
This makes sense, Lila. When people are unsure of themselves and trying to acclimate to a situation, they may feel intimidated by how bright and sure of yourself you appear to be.


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post #1701 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 01:28 PM
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Take up cycling and join a club. I'm serious....it's 90 percent men and all of the single ones are looking. I know a lot of couples who met that way, and a shocking number are comparatively aged. It draws a predominantly 40 and up crowd with a few 30 somethings. I don't know anyone in the bike club with a large age difference.

It's a blast, but also a time consuming hobby and it's a lot of time to spend together. I met my guy the 1st day I showed up to a club, and a few more had expressed interest before the guy I'm seeing made clear he was there <a href="https://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Smile" >:-)</a>

Plus, all athletic hobbies are good for you.

I have a running buddy who is 51 and met his 53 year old gf through a meetup group. He says it saved him after his divorce.....says he would've been home on his couch every night. They still go to the group together.
I know you are totally right about the athletic activities being a hot bed for single guys. We have a huge biking group where I live. Unfortunately I have orhopaedic issues that prevent me from doing that sort of biking. I can take leisurely bike rides on my vintage cruiser (think 1960s beach bike) but that's about it. Dang my back.


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@Lila is my sister from another mister. We are in the same place.

Lila... STOP LOOKING. That’s your answer. Live your life and feel your best. If it was meant to be, it will find you!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Looking is probably a bit of a misnomer. I'm not actively looking but I am putting myself in environments where there could be potential, if that makes sense.


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Lila I say this gently. Stop trying so hard.
Again gently, while you are being the “funny one” at a meet up, the people who you are meeting are nervous and cautious and you are coming on too strong.
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This makes sense, Lila. When people are unsure of themselves and trying to acclimate to a situation, they may feel intimidated by how bright and sure of yourself you appear to be.
@Cynthia and @Andy1001. Please clarify. I get told to be me but when I am, I get told to "stop trying too hard".
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post #1702 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 01:36 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Lila I say this gently. Stop trying so hard.
Again gently, while you are being the “funny one” at a meet up, the people who you are meeting are nervous and cautious and you are coming on too strong.
The problem with being amazing and having a scientific mind is, how to be yourself?
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post #1703 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 01:37 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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I know you are totally right about the athletic activities being a hot bed for single guys. We have a huge biking group where I live. Unfortunately I have orhopaedic issues that prevent me from doing that sort of biking. I can take leisurely bike rides on my vintage cruiser (think 1960s beach bike) but that's about it. Dang my back.




Looking is probably a bit of a misnomer. I'm not actively looking but I am putting myself in environments where there could be potential, if that makes sense.





@Cynthia and @Andy1001. Please clarify. I get told to be me but when I am, I get told to "stop trying too hard".
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The problem with being amazing and having a scientific mind is, how to be yourself?
Yup.
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post #1704 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 01:40 PM
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The problem with being amazing and having a scientific mind is, how to be yourself?
What does this mean?
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post #1705 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 01:40 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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@Cynthia and @Andy1001. Please clarify. I get told to be me but when I am, I get told to "stop trying too hard".
Of course you need to be yourself, but there are many aspects to your personality. You don't need to let them all out in the first meeting(s). Spend more time listening and asking questions to get to know people and less time being the entertainer. There is nothing wrong with that part of your personality, but there is a time and place for the kind of enthusiasm that you are telling us about; an initial meeting or even the first few times you meet with someone will seem that you are coming on too strong. Seek connection by asking questions and sharing about the same amount that the other person shared. If the conversation/interaction is unbalanced, people will seek balance either by retreating or by meeting your energy. So far it doesn't look like people are meeting your energy, so it may be time to back off a bit and put less energy into the encounters and to seek to draw people out more.



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post #1706 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 01:54 PM
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Of course you need to be yourself, but there are many aspects to your personality. You don't need to let them all out in the first meeting(s). Spend more time listening and asking questions to get to know people and less time being the entertainer. There is nothing wrong with that part of your personality, but there is a time and place for the kind of enthusiasm that you are telling us about; an initial meeting or even the first few times you meet with someone will seem that you are coming on too strong. Seek connection by asking questions and sharing about the same amount that the other person shared. If the conversation/interaction is unbalanced, people will seek balance either by retreating or by meeting your energy. So far it doesn't look like people are meeting your energy, so it may be time to back off a bit and put less energy into the encounters and to seek to draw people out more.
Okay just to be clear, I said I kept the conversations going. I asked questions but when someone asked me a question, I answered in my normal fun way. Yes, my "stories" (people asked me about my travels, my kid, my crazy work) can be entertaining but I don't see myself as an entertainer. I just find some of the **** that happens to me to be funny.

You are probably right about bringing down the energy levels to the environment and my surroundings.
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post #1707 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 02:44 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Okay just to be clear, I said I kept the conversations going. I asked questions but when someone asked me a question, I answered in my normal fun way. Yes, my "stories" (people asked me about my travels, my kid, my crazy work) can be entertaining but I don't see myself as an entertainer. I just find some of the **** that happens to me to be funny.

You are probably right about bringing down the energy levels to the environment and my surroundings.
You sound very entertaining to me.
The conversation doesn't have to keep rolling. Can you think about how the other people at the table of five were interacting with each other? Rather than thinking about why you didn't connect, can you see how the others did connect? What was their interaction like?

Was a there a particular man that you were interested in that was at your table? If you were not particularly interested in either man, but were hoping that someone would connect with you, that could also hinder connection.


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post #1708 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 03:26 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

@Lila I feel very uncomfortable giving dating advice to women. The reason for this is when I was dating it was with the sole purpose of getting my date into bed, and I know that this behavior is frowned upon by a lot of people, especially the female members of tam.I also know that you refuse to sleep with anyone unless you’re in an exclusive relationship.
However, I’ll try and explain this situation that you found yourself in like this.
You’ve probably heard the term “wingman” before. I have often been approached by women asking me would I be interested in meeting one or other of their friends, this would usually but not always be in nightclubs or bars. I was never interested but sometimes I would find the wingman very attractive and between that and her confidence in approaching me in the first place I might find her irresistible. So I would make my play on her.
However the guys who you are meeting at these events are not as confident as young Andy was, and being the one who’s getting the most laughs and keeping the conversation flowing can backfire as what happened here imo.
They don’t understand why someone as confident, funny and (I’ve seen the photos lol) downright sexy is doing at one of these shindigs.
Be as funny as you want while on a date or in a one on one situation but in the initial group meeting environment try and tone it down a little.

When someone says it’s not the money it’s the principle,it’s always the money.
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post #1709 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-04-2020, 04:09 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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What does this mean?
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@Lila I feel very uncomfortable giving dating advice to women. The reason for this is when I was dating it was with the sole purpose of getting my date into bed, and I know that this behavior is frowned upon by a lot of people, especially the female members of tam.I also know that you refuse to sleep with anyone unless you’re in an exclusive relationship.
However, I’ll try and explain this situation that you found yourself in like this.
You’ve probably heard the term “wingman” before. I have often been approached by women asking me would I be interested in meeting one or other of their friends, this would usually but not always be in nightclubs or bars. I was never interested but sometimes I would find the wingman very attractive and between that and her confidence in approaching me in the first place I might find her irresistible. So I would make my play on her.
However the guys who you are meeting at these events are not as confident as young Andy was, and being the one who’s getting the most laughs and keeping the conversation flowing can backfire as what happened here imo.
They don’t understand why someone as confident, funny and (I’ve seen the photos lol) downright sexy is doing at one of these shindigs.
Be as funny as you want while on a date or in a one on one situation but in the initial group meeting environment try and tone it down a little.
Some of this. I also think you might be a little high calibre/quality compared to the group you were with.

I think your amazing attitude would probably render different results in an activity/hobby group like the cyclist group that lifeistooshort mentioned.

I also believe you should be you for your own satisfaction alone. You can't help but take note of results because you have a scientific mind. Regardless, your only goal in being unapologetically, unrestrained and fully you should be simply for your own satisfaction.

I attract a lot of people just by being me and I piss off a lot as well.

Sometimes I do both and the pissed off folks are attracted as well.

Unfortunately or maybe wonderfully, living as big as you are is messy with some unpredictable results.

I know from other conversations here that you have a very core desire for a mate/partner/lover.

I think that is good and solid but that desire needs to be kept in a safe place inside until a man has won enough trust and respect from you to feel safe enough with that treasure to be revealed to him in any way.

I think you should live as openly and strongly as you are. There is no reason to be smaller than the amazing person you are capable of being. You should be that person simply because that is you. Don't have any thought about what being you might result in besides the freedom from restraint and living smaller than you are capable of.

You don't fit in possibly any of the little boxes you have been looking in, that sections of society seem successful and content with. I think you are too much good to try and compromise yourself to fit so be you and enjoy the hell out of it!

I don't know for certain, but I highly suspect, being unapologetically you will eventually lead to a worthy mate and immediately be satisfying to you on a personal level.

I don't fit in boxes and have always disconcerted and pissed people off.

Everytime I have tried to play like the other kids, life hasn't gone good for me or anyone else around me.

I might be off but you might be similar.

Maybe I'm blathering. Anyway, it seems you are growing.
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post #1710 of 1719 (permalink) Old 01-05-2020, 12:53 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

In interpersonal communication, we can communicate differently depending upon the situation. We should always be true to ourselves, but that doesn't mean expressing ourselves the same way in all situations. In order to communicate effectively, we must be aware of the circumstances, the people we are communicating with, and be self aware. I find that I tend to be spontaneous in my communication, but sometimes it is better to slow down and think before I speak; making sure to communicate exactly what I want the other person to understand and presenting myself in the manner I want to be perceived.

People may misinterpret actions and words, so it's important to consider exactly what we are saying and presenting so we are not misunderstood. Taking a more relaxed approach while assessing a situation can be helpful in understanding others and situations as well as expressing oneself in a manner that will be properly understood.


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