Singles of TAM 2019 - Page 26 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #376 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 11:49 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by wilson View Post
It's a great sign that you're already using the impersonal pronoun of 'it' when talking about him. It shows you don't consider him as a person and you're moving on.
That was a mistype.

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post #377 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 11:51 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
Oh no, that sucks!

I do recall hearing before that match can make it look like you are online when you arenít. At a dating forum I was on a long time ago, lots of people were having the same issue. They had disabled their profiles (or so they thought) but the program keeps them active anyway. Then if you are logged in to other things that are tied to your account somehow, it looks to others like you are logged into match. @Lila had something like this happen on her own account recently.

But...if he said it must be because of the automatic billing? Why would he still be paying for the service? Seems like he sunk himself with that comment.

Did he seem guilty....or innocent and accused?
his profile was active because I clicked on it. It was not hidden. However, it is hidden now which makes me think its impossible to be a glitch. I will say it was all the same information from 4 years ago but I find it impossible that after 4 years it still shows him active.
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post #378 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 11:57 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by bkyln309 View Post
Was at home and just had a funny feeling. I got on my laptop, re-activated my Match profile and looked for his picture. Showed him currently online. I texted him about it and it denied being online or logging in. Then he switches up saying it must be from the automatic billing then saying he has never messaged anyone. Yada yada yada. Dont believe him.
Match is soooo hard to get rid of. I dropped out of OLD altogether and it made me look like a liar. It was especially bad because at the time I was pretty darn happy with whom I was dating. I eventually figured it out. Basically it tricks you into thinking you are out, but.....you're really still on there! There are few more screens/steps you need to go through to finally be done and quit permanently. With that said I don't know about the online indicator, I assume it is accurate. The issue I had was my profile was still up and searchable, and I really did think it was gone.
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post #379 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 12:24 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by ReformedHubby View Post
Match is soooo hard to get rid of. I dropped out of OLD altogether and it made me look like a liar. It was especially bad because at the time I was pretty darn happy with whom I was dating. I eventually figured it out. Basically it tricks you into thinking you are out, but.....you're really still on there! There are few more screens/steps you need to go through to finally be done and quit permanently. With that said I don't know about the online indicator, I assume it is accurate. The issue I had was my profile was still up and searchable, and I really did think it was gone.
He admitted to being on there a few weeks ago. So its not like he wasnt ever on there while we were together. I am so disappointed. And the fact when i called him on it he made excuses.
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post #380 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 12:36 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

I find this very confusing.

Although you can't delete a match account, you can do everything but.

When I decided to stop dating, I removed my photos, took down my write-up, changed all the preference setting to the baselines, and added a zip code that's in remote Alaska.

And I absolutely hate automatic renewals, so I always turned match's off right after I paid.

So when you say you truly thought your profile was gone, do you mean you just hid it and thought that was enough?


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Originally Posted by ReformedHubby View Post
Match is soooo hard to get rid of. I dropped out of OLD altogether and it made me look like a liar. It was especially bad because at the time I was pretty darn happy with whom I was dating. I eventually figured it out. Basically it tricks you into thinking you are out, but.....you're really still on there! There are few more screens/steps you need to go through to finally be done and quit permanently. With that said I don't know about the online indicator, I assume it is accurate. The issue I had was my profile was still up and searchable, and I really did think it was gone.
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post #381 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 12:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by bkyln309 View Post
He admitted to being on there a few weeks ago. So its not like he wasnt ever on there while we were together. I am so disappointed. And the fact when i called him on it he made excuses.
Not to excuse him in the least bit, but you were already feeling something was off. The profile just cemented a decision that you had seemed to already have made. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been looking for a reason. Don't be too bent out of shape, chalk it up to experience gained from your past and be glad you found out now instead of later.
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post #382 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 02:05 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by minimalME View Post
I find this very confusing.

Although you can't delete a match account, you can do everything but.

When I decided to stop dating, I removed my photos, took down my write-up, changed all the preference setting to the baselines, and added a zip code that's in remote Alaska.

And I absolutely hate automatic renewals, so I always turned match's off right after I paid.

So when you say you truly thought your profile was gone, do you mean you just hid it and thought that was enough?
You were much more thorough than I am I guess, I believe I simply went for the option under settings to cancel/delete. It does do it, but there is one extra confirmation screen that you really need to read carefully. I took it as telling me my cancellation removal was completed, it was actually a confirmation form that I needed to accept in order to truly disappear from Match.

With that said I definitely found it to be buggy. I had other issues as well. I could've sworn when I deactivated myself at times before I permanently left that I would go back in and find myself "active" again. Even though I never turned my profile back on, its like it would just automatically make it visible again. With that said my attention to detail on things like that isn't my strength. I barely remember the process, I do know I had issues getting out of it, and I also had issues with it activating me again when I didn't want it to.
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post #383 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 02:21 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Not to excuse him in the least bit, but you were already feeling something was off. The profile just cemented a decision that you had seemed to already have made. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been looking for a reason. Don't be too bent out of shape, chalk it up to experience gained from your past and be glad you found out now instead of later.

This is true.
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post #384 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-09-2019, 12:07 PM
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@bkyln309, kudos for getting rid of your cheating boyfriend! He's trolling, no doubt about it.

I did have issues with my account similar to what your ex is claiming, Match is glitchy, but anyone who wants off of there can get off. I made one phone call which took less than 5 minutes to fix the problem. If your ex were telling the truth, he would have gone to the ends of the Earth to prove he was innocent.
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post #385 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-09-2019, 12:08 PM
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post #386 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-09-2019, 12:16 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

@bkyln309 I'm sorry to hear this, as recovering from a failed relationship is never easy.

But I'll also say that I never felt he was the best fit for you, based on much of what you've posted here over the last four years. I believe there is someone out there who is better for you, and you deserve better.

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~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #387 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-09-2019, 02:28 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by ReformedHubby View Post
You were much more thorough than I am I guess, I believe I simply went for the option under settings to cancel/delete. It does do it, but there is one extra confirmation screen that you really need to read carefully. I took it as telling me my cancellation removal was completed, it was actually a confirmation form that I needed to accept in order to truly disappear from Match.

With that said I definitely found it to be buggy. I had other issues as well. I could've sworn when I deactivated myself at times before I permanently left that I would go back in and find myself "active" again. Even though I never turned my profile back on, its like it would just automatically make it visible again. With that said my attention to detail on things like that isn't my strength. I barely remember the process, I do know I had issues getting out of it, and I also had issues with it activating me again when I didn't want it to.
It's made difficult and non-intuitive for a reason. It's still a business and they seem to try to do everything to get you to stay. I never enjoyed my time on it, and I always found it very suspicious it matches me with like a dozen hotties as soon as my subscription expires, and the same women disappeared as soon as I paid.

From my experience with it the response rate on match.com I found was very low, like 12% or something but I can't remember, where as when I went on OKcupid the response rate was like 50% and was in contact quite easily with dates there.

Of course all of that just paled in comparison to simply walking up to a hottie and getting her number First anniversary coming up too!
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post #388 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-09-2019, 04:13 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
@bkyln309 I'm sorry to hear this, as recovering from a failed relationship is never easy.

But I'll also say that I never felt he was the best fit for you, based on much of what you've posted here over the last four years. I believe there is someone out there who is better for you, and you deserve better.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
I loved him but there were concerns about a long term future.

I am having a really emotional day today. I literally broke down in the store while helping my kids pick Vday gifts for their school crushes. Felt like an idiot bawling in aisle 4!

This is the first day I have really cried and felt very sad. Up until this point, I was pretty indifferent. He wanted to meet next week to talk but I am going no contact. I cannot handle seeing him right now.
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post #389 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-09-2019, 07:16 PM
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Originally Posted by bkyln309 View Post

I loved him but there were concerns about a long term future.

I am having a really emotional day today. I literally broke down in the store while helping my kids pick Vday gifts for their school crushes. Felt like an idiot bawling in aisle 4!

This is the first day I have really cried and felt very sad. Up until this point, I was pretty indifferent. He wanted to meet next week to talk but I am going no contact. I cannot handle seeing him right now.
I am so sorry you're going through this @bkyln309. My heart breaks for you but I applaud you on your strength even at your saddest moment. Your decision to go no contact is imo the correct one.
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post #390 of 1719 (permalink) Old 02-09-2019, 07:24 PM
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Question for the group.

Those of you that got divorced and dated afterwards.... Did you ever get sick of answering "why'd your marriage end?".

I tried to keep my answer short and sweet so will to them "we drifted apart combined with lack of communication". Many think I'm minimizing the reasons or flat out lying ( some have accused me of being a WAW). I have started making stuff up like "he was bisexual and wanted to explore". THAT people believe but the real reasons, they don't.
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