Singles of TAM 2019 - Page 91 - Talk About Marriage
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post #1351 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 08:38 PM
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I wish I could say certain things on my OLD profile but I dislike profiles that say too many things about what someone doesn’t want. So I never do this. But if I could be totally honest I would say...

Deal breakers:

Kids who are still dependent on you.

No earrings on white guys. Ok sometimes on others but still not my fave.

No dead fish pics.

If the house in the background of your pics looks disheveled.

If it looks like you cropped your ex out of your pictures.

If all of your pics are of you in athletic wear or camping.

If you are making a hang ten sign with your hand. Might make an exception if you are actually Hawaiian.

If you have pets, probably a deal breaker because I’m allergic to some and won’t sleep or have sex in a bed that pets have been on.

If you have no full body pictures.

Too many pics of cars and boats (not impressed).

Bad tattoos. Good ones are ok.

Guns in pics. I don’t actually care if you have them but if you think they are “cool” in a profile pic, no thanks.

If you don’t know what you are looking for or if you want “something casual”.

Must be a certain height. If your profile doesn’t specify I will assume you don’t meet my minimum requirements.

No musicians unless you are financially stable and it’s just your hobby (or if it’s a lucrative career).

If you are so ripped its obvious your entire life is about the gym.

.....

I’m so picky! I can’t say those things though. I just left swipe and move along.

And that doesn’t even include my requirements for political leanings, age range and no poly people, and generally doesn’t come across as a douche.

ETA: I forgot to add...

No weird jewelry.


Last edited by Faithful Wife; 10-15-2019 at 09:04 PM.
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post #1352 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 09:57 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
I wish I could say certain things on my OLD profile but I dislike profiles that say too many things about what someone doesnít want. So I never do this. But if I could be totally honest I would say...

Deal breakers:

Kids who are still dependent on you.

No earrings on white guys. Ok sometimes on others but still not my fave.

No dead fish pics.

If the house in the background of your pics looks disheveled.

If it looks like you cropped your ex out of your pictures.

If all of your pics are of you in athletic wear or camping.

If you are making a hang ten sign with your hand. Might make an exception if you are actually Hawaiian.

If you have pets, probably a deal breaker because Iím allergic to some and wonít sleep or have sex in a bed that pets have been on.

If you have no full body pictures.

Too many pics of cars and boats (not impressed).

Bad tattoos. Good ones are ok.

Guns in pics. I donít actually care if you have them but if you think they are ďcoolĒ in a profile pic, no thanks.

If you donít know what you are looking for or if you want ďsomething casualĒ.

Must be a certain height. If your profile doesnít specify I will assume you donít meet my minimum requirements.

No musicians unless you are financially stable and itís just your hobby (or if itís a lucrative career).

If you are so ripped its obvious your entire life is about the gym.

.....

Iím so picky! I canít say those things though. I just left swipe and move along.

And that doesnít even include my requirements for political leanings, age range and no poly people, and generally doesnít come across as a douche.

ETA: I forgot to add...

No weird jewelry.


lol

I tried that on my profile once. Got some pretty nasty messages


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post #1353 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 10:52 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

@Faithful Wife. I am more sad than you (I think) about the demise of your silver fox. It is good to be picky, so it is not that. There was something about the way you talked about him that gave such good vibes. And he sounded really into you.
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post #1354 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 11:23 PM
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@Faithful Wife. I am more sad than you (I think) about the demise of your silver fox. It is good to be picky, so it is not that. There was something about the way you talked about him that gave such good vibes. And he sounded really into you.
Yeah, I’m a little bummed too, but honestly, I just need someone who has more time. So I can’t really compromise on what I really need or I’ll just be resentful and that wouldn’t be fair to either of us.

I’m free and clear and ready to go out or hang out or stay in or travel with someone or decide on a whim to drive to the beach together for the weekend. Silver fox has lots more years of parenting to do before he can do any of that.

At first I thought we could both compromise but we just can’t. He can’t create more time in his schedule and I can’t pretend I don’t want more time when I actually do.

And to be honest....even though the sex was great and we were totally into each other, we didn’t really have much in common besides that mutual into-each-other-ness. He’s into football, golf, fishing and beer. I’m into swing dancing, Hawaii, my muscle car and documentaries. I knew that eventually that lack of common interests would catch up to us and be a bummer on a relationship.

I can’t give up on what I’m really looking for. It wouldn’t work out or feel good. Even if breaking up feels bad for a minute, its not as bad as breaking up later because I want to have stimulating conversation and can’t get it from him.
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post #1355 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 10:43 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Itís nice that you are empathetic but why would want to help your current boyfriend through this day? It would mean to me he wasnít ready to be a boyfriend. Just trying to wrap my head around how this ok for you. I would guess you are not looking for a real relationship? Just companionship?
Because I'm confident enough to know that even though he cares about me and is moving forward with his life he is still going to feel something about the day and that it's not a reflection on how he feels about me. It's bittersweet. 25 years is a big anniversary. He loved his ex for many years and feels that they had a very good marriage for a long time. From that marriage came his children and a family. I know that he misses having his family (kids really) right there. Now they live elsewhere. From that marriage came the 3 most important people in his life so he would never go back and change it but it's not something to celebrate anymore...ie. bittersweet.

We spent the evening together and he talked a bit about how he wouldn't go back and not marry her but that he is so much happier now. We've only been together for 5 months so I don't expect a huge commitment from him yet, nor am I ready to give him one. But we talked about future plans for us, vacations, living together at some point, etc. Then we had dinner and watched a movie and never talked about the date again. I think I was worried for nothing.
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post #1356 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 11:52 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
I also want to be really into each other, have great conversation, companionship, etc.

The fact that I donít want complications or commitment doesnít mean that I donít want to care deeply and have feelings for them also.

Thatís why I donít just look for a FWB. The sex has to be there and it has to be great, but that canít be the only thing there or I will lose interest very quickly.

I have to feel mutual respect and fondness with them.

I call that a boyfriend because I donít know what else to call it. Itís ok if we fall in love too, Iím not ruling that out. Itís just not my main goal.

Deep feelings usually go hand in hand with complications and commitment. There really isnt much between a FWB and a boyfriend. Sounds like you want the benefits of commitment without committing. Thats going to be tough if you want to keep the person long term.

I do applaud you for realizing the kids were a deal breaker. Silver fox needs someone willing to be involved. You deserve the freedom not to be.
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post #1357 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 12:35 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Deep feelings usually go hand in hand with complications and commitment. There really isnt much between a FWB and a boyfriend. Sounds like you want the benefits of commitment without committing. Thats going to be tough if you want to keep the person long term.

I do applaud you for realizing the kids were a deal breaker. Silver fox needs someone willing to be involved. You deserve the freedom not to be.
To the bolded, actually no. He doesn't introduce anyone he is dating to his kids (nor should he, IMO).
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post #1358 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 12:39 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by bkyln309 View Post
Deep feelings usually go hand in hand with complications and commitment. There really isnt much between a FWB and a boyfriend. Sounds like you want the benefits of commitment without committing. Thats going to be tough if you want to keep the person long term.
And to the bolded on this one, long term is not my goal. If I meet someone who it ends up so amazing between us that we develop into an LTR, that's great. Otherwise, I'm fine with a few months to a year or so. I've had a couple like that already in my 4 years since divorce, and that length of time works well for me. No hard feelings, we just both weren't looking for LTR's to begin with so it is easy to step back out. Still friends with most of them. Once in awhile one of them may want to hook up but I don't do that so always say no thanks.
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post #1359 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 02:46 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

Faithful Wife, I can definitely relate to you! LOL! I also applaud you for knowing what you want and not accepting anything different. I will never marry again, and I make this known right up front to all the men I've gone out with. However, you wouldn't believe how many men hear this and think it's a CHALLENGE!! They're like, "Challenge accepted!" and then I'm like, "NO. No-no-no-no-NOOOOOO!" They all think they can change my mind, and then get upset when they realize it ain't gonna happen!

After everything I've been through (probably the same as many here have been through), I absolutely will not accept any bull****. I don't want a man with young kids because I've already raised mine, and I am definitely not interested AT ALL in helping to raise someone else's kids. At the same time, I basically don't have any family, so there is never any family drama coming from my side, and I don't want to deal with family drama from a man's side either. I also have a really good job, and sometimes it's hard to find men who also have a good job (comparable, at least). Geez, there are just soooooo many things I'm picky about! I am currently dating a much younger man, but he is basically "Mr. Right Now" even though we have been together for a while. He is way more into me than I am into him, and I actually need to cut him loose - - but that's a whole "'nother" story!

I want a committed relationship with someone, but I don't want to live with anyone, and I don't want to be around him 24/7 or even every day. I have good friends and we are always doing something, and I also love alone-time. Basically I want someone who adores me, but will also leave me the hell alone! Is that too much to ask?!!
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post #1360 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 03:44 PM
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Faithful Wife, I can definitely relate to you! LOL! I also applaud you for knowing what you want and not accepting anything different. I will never marry again, and I make this known right up front to all the men I've gone out with. However, you wouldn't believe how many men hear this and think it's a CHALLENGE!! They're like, "Challenge accepted!" and then I'm like, "NO. No-no-no-no-NOOOOOO!" They all think they can change my mind, and then get upset when they realize it ain't gonna happen! <a href="https://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/rofl.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Rofl" >:-)</a>

After everything I've been through (probably the same as many here have been through), I absolutely will not accept any bull****. I don't want a man with young kids because I've already raised mine, and I am definitely not interested AT ALL in helping to raise someone else's kids. At the same time, I basically don't have any family, so there is never any family drama coming from my side, and I don't want to deal with family drama from a man's side either. I also have a really good job, and sometimes it's hard to find men who also have a good job (comparable, at least). Geez, there are just soooooo many things I'm picky about! I am currently dating a much younger man, but he is basically "Mr. Right Now" even though we have been together for a while. He is way more into me than I am into him, and I actually need to cut him loose - - but that's a whole "'nother" story!

I want a committed relationship with someone, but I don't want to live with anyone, and I don't want to be around him 24/7 or even every day. I have good friends and we are always doing something, and I also love alone-time. Basically I want someone who adores me, but will also leave me the hell alone! Is that too much to ask?!!
Yes! You get it.

On bumble which is my main OLD site, the guys are pretty open about if they are looking for something serious or leads to marriage. So I just avoid them altogether. I understand their position and they should not compromise on what they want, either. Some people just really want that type of relationship so hopefully they match up with others who do too.

I haven’t had any trouble narrowing down the guys who want what I want also. There are lots of us. People who do want an exclusive connection but do not want a future commitment. We have our reasons.

I’m not going this direction because I want to keep my options open for someone better to come along. When I have a boyfriend, I’m all about him and all my girlfriend energy is all his. I just don’t have any wife energy anymore.

In my experience, a boyfriend is so much better than a husband anyway. I mean they are different things, but a boyfriend is all about the sweet stuff, none of the difficult stuff. I don’t bring my difficult stuff to them either. I have plenty of support in my life for the difficult things and don’t need a boyfriend to take any of that on.

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post #1361 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 04:16 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

@EmeryB, I am relating to you pretty hard over here, lol... I didnt even realize I felt some of these things!

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #1362 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 04:49 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Yes! You get it.

On bumble which is my main OLD site, the guys are pretty open about if they are looking for something serious or leads to marriage. So I just avoid them altogether. I understand their position and they should not compromise on what they want, either. Some people just really want that type of relationship so hopefully they match up with others who do too.

I havenít had any trouble narrowing down the guys who want what I want also. There are lots of us. People who do want an exclusive connection but do not want a future commitment. We have our reasons.

Iím not going this direction because I want to keep my options open for someone better to come along. When I have a boyfriend, Iím all about him and all my girlfriend energy is all his. I just donít have any wife energy anymore.

In my experience, a boyfriend is so much better than a husband anyway. I mean they are different things, but a boyfriend is all about the sweet stuff, none of the difficult stuff. I donít bring my difficult stuff to them either. I have plenty of support in my life for the difficult things and donít need a boyfriend to take any of that on.

Is it weird that I have never tried OLD??? LOL! However, Facebook is bad enough! Men seem to think it's an OLD site!

I can see where it would be so much easier to be able to put all your requirements out there and be able to read the requirements of others beforehand. Pretty sure no man would ever want to date me if I did that! Like you, I would have way too many requirements!
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post #1363 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 04:51 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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@EmeryB, I am relating to you pretty hard over here, lol... I didnt even realize I felt some of these things!
Oh, I could go on and on and on about what I want and don't want in a relationship! I seriously doubt my "perfect man" exists! And that's OK with me if I never find him. I'm very happy with my life - - with or without a man in it.
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post #1364 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 05:05 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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I seriously doubt my "perfect man" exists! And that's OK with me if I never find him. I'm very happy with my life - - with or without a man in it.
Challenge accepted!!!
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post #1365 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 05:10 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Is it weird that I have never tried OLD??? LOL! However, Facebook is bad enough! Men seem to think it's an OLD site!

I can see where it would be so much easier to be able to put all your requirements out there and be able to read the requirements of others beforehand. Pretty sure no man would ever want to date me if I did that! Like you, I would have way too many requirements!
Oh I don't list all of mine. The list above was just for fun for me to write them out. Ha ha!

My profile literally just says "I'm looking for a nice boyfriend".

Then I weed through their profiles based on what is directly or indirectly implied about what they want.

When we match and then first chat, they always ask me what I mean by a boyfriend. I explain pretty much everything I said here. Most of them get it and are wanting the same, because by that point I've narrowed them down pretty well.

By the time we have begun chatting, they have already met my height requirements, age requirements, distance requirements (won't date someone I have to drive 30 minutes to see), and attraction requirements.

How do you even meet people in person these days? I don't even know where that would happen. But then again I don't really go anywhere other than maybe to a restaurant with a friend, the grocery store, gas station, work, convenience store, visit my mom (retirement community). That's about it. No one has ever approached me in a grocery store or any of the other mentioned places to get my number or anything. How does that even work?
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