Singles of TAM 2019 - Page 92 - Talk About Marriage
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post #1366 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 06:35 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Challenge accepted!!!


Wait, who dis??!! So, Wilson, are you named after the volleyball in that Tom Hanks movie? And are you single? Cuz I love me some volleyball!

I mean, I wouldn't marry a volleyball . . . I'm just looking for a semi-serious relationship. . .


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post #1367 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 06:44 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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I wish I could say certain things on my OLD profile but I dislike profiles that say too many things about what someone doesnít want. So I never do this. But if I could be totally honest I would say...

Deal breakers:

Kids who are still dependent on you.

No earrings on white guys. Ok sometimes on others but still not my fave.

No dead fish pics.

If the house in the background of your pics looks disheveled.

If it looks like you cropped your ex out of your pictures.

If all of your pics are of you in athletic wear or camping.

If you are making a hang ten sign with your hand. Might make an exception if you are actually Hawaiian.

If you have pets, probably a deal breaker because Iím allergic to some and wonít sleep or have sex in a bed that pets have been on.

If you have no full body pictures.

Too many pics of cars and boats (not impressed).

Bad tattoos. Good ones are ok.

Guns in pics. I donít actually care if you have them but if you think they are ďcoolĒ in a profile pic, no thanks.

If you donít know what you are looking for or if you want ďsomething casualĒ.

Must be a certain height. If your profile doesnít specify I will assume you donít meet my minimum requirements.

No musicians unless you are financially stable and itís just your hobby (or if itís a lucrative career).

If you are so ripped its obvious your entire life is about the gym.

.....

Iím so picky! I canít say those things though. I just left swipe and move along.

And that doesnít even include my requirements for political leanings, age range and no poly people, and generally doesnít come across as a douche.

ETA: I forgot to add...

No weird jewelry.
I think that's a pretty good list. I generally adhere to the same. I'm not allergic to pets, but I'm not a fan of pets in the bed. I don't want to share a bed with an animal. I also don't like the limitations of a pet, but this is more specific to dogs. You can't be gone for more than a couple of hours before you have to go home to let the dog out, and that puts a damper on things... and essentially eliminates the possiblity of an impromptu weekend away or long day trip. Or the dog has to come with you.

The one thing I do specifically have on my profile is no guys who are poly or are in open relationships. I don't know why I bother, though, because it's pretty clear that most of the men who match/message me aren't reading it, judging by the number of poly guys and guys in open relationships who contact me.

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post #1368 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 07:02 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Oh I don't list all of mine. The list above was just for fun for me to write them out. Ha ha!



My profile literally just says "I'm looking for a nice boyfriend".



Then I weed through their profiles based on what is directly or indirectly implied about what they want.



When we match and then first chat, they always ask me what I mean by a boyfriend. I explain pretty much everything I said here. Most of them get it and are wanting the same, because by that point I've narrowed them down pretty well.



By the time we have begun chatting, they have already met my height requirements, age requirements, distance requirements (won't date someone I have to drive 30 minutes to see), and attraction requirements.



How do you even meet people in person these days? I don't even know where that would happen. But then again I don't really go anywhere other than maybe to a restaurant with a friend, the grocery store, gas station, work, convenience store, visit my mom (retirement community). That's about it. No one has ever approached me in a grocery store or any of the other mentioned places to get my number or anything. How does that even work?


I'm from a rural area, and lots of people know me. Even more people know/knew my husband and know that he had an affair.... so meeting people probably isn't as hard as if I lived in a big city. Based on where I live now, there is no way in hell I would try OLD! I have actually looked at the available dudes on some of the free sites, and knew quite a few men on there. And, of course, their pics looked way better and their info sounded way better than they actually are!

And also, is there a Walmart where you live? Men have discovered there are lots of women to meet there! LOL!


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post #1369 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-16-2019, 07:20 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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I'm from a rural area, and lots of people know me. Even more people know/knew my husband and know that he had an affair.... so meeting people probably isn't as hard as if I lived in a big city. Based on where I live now, there is no way in hell I would try OLD! I have actually looked at the available dudes on some of the free sites, and knew quite a few men on there. And, of course, their pics looked way better and their info sounded way better than they actually are!

And also, is there a Walmart where you live? Men have discovered there are lots of women to meet there! LOL!
Ah, I get it. Yes, I grew up in a small country town and for sure if I still lived there, dates would be easy. Just go to the local bar, someone you went to high school with will be there, chat them up, go on dates, and so on. Or go to a house party, one or more people you know and may be interested in will be there. In fact, I avoid going back to my home town at all because I don't want to run into any of them at this point. I see a few of them on Facebook and that's good enough for me.

Also I can see how OLD in a small rural area would not really present you any options that you didn't know about already.

Re: Walmart, are you referring to the horrible sites dedicated to "people of Walmart" and pictures of strange looking people who were seen there? Wasn't sure, but I think that's what you meant.

Yes there is a Walmart here but I don't actually go there for anything....strangely, it is in a part of town that isn't really that safe. I don't feel safe walking from the parking lot to the front door at all. And lots of times there are creepy people hanging out front, look like druggies.

I'm not sure why they hang out there, but it is just in the middle of a really weird area with lots of meth heads.
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post #1370 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-17-2019, 04:12 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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To the bolded, actually no. He doesn't introduce anyone he is dating to his kids (nor should he, IMO).

Actually if he dates someone long term, they are going to have to know the children. I have children the same age. Wouldnt introduce them too soon but my partner would have to be in their lives as my kids are a huge part of my life.
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post #1371 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-17-2019, 04:17 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

My dealbreakers:

1. Drug use or 420 friendly partners
2. History of prolonged mental illness
3. Jail or Prison time
4. Men with kids younger than mine. Prefer men without kids or grown kids
5. Men who are overweight as I am really into fitness. My ex was morbidly obese and I missed out on having a partner to do things with. Rarely a day goes by that I am not doing something active.
6. A man without a very good job and savings.
7. Men with a large amount of debt (excludes mortgage)

OLD Dealbreakers:
no dead animals in your profile
No open relationships
No cowboy hats or boots or buckles
No shirtless pics/bathroom pics
no separated men

Last edited by bkyln309; 10-17-2019 at 04:21 PM.
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post #1372 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-17-2019, 04:24 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Actually if he dates someone long term, they are going to have to know the children. I have children the same age. Wouldnt introduce them too soon but my partner would have to be in their lives as my kids are a huge part of my life.
Ok you know him better than I do, I guess.
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post #1373 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-17-2019, 04:26 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Ok you know him better than I do, I guess.


No maybe you are right but Iím a parent and I would be shocked if he felt that way long term if he is an involved dad.


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post #1374 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-17-2019, 04:40 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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No maybe you are right but Iím a parent and I would be shocked if he felt that way long term if he is an involved dad.
What we discussed was:

A. neither of us is looking for LTR

B. he does not want to dilute his time with them by having anyone he is dating around while he has them

C. I agreed that kids need their parents and don't need to meet people dad is dating until or unless there is going to be a deeper commitment, which we already agreed neither of us were looking for
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post #1375 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-17-2019, 09:18 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

Very interesting turn lately. I say very similar and as a man get attacked/slammed. Just another A-hole man who just wants sex and fun. Interesting that when it's the other sex it is some how OK/justified. I especially have to laugh at the lists - that they are "better than" and want/expect/deserve more. But very past hot/prime for the unicorn that might qualify.

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post #1376 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-17-2019, 09:43 PM
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Very interesting turn lately. I say very similar and as a man get attacked/slammed. Just another A-hole man who just wants sex and fun. Interesting that when it's the other sex it is some how OK/justified. I especially have to laugh at the lists - that they are "better than" and want/expect/deserve more. But very past hot/prime for the unicorn that might qualify.
The lists do come across so weird I know. It even sounds weird to read my own list. And when guys have long lists of “don’ts” on their profiles I don’t like it then either.

Yet we do all have these lists don’t we?

I mean I can’t date a dude with huge ear gauges. I don’t think that makes me entitled it’s just a very specific preference.

Also... I want more than sex and I said that a few times. And aren’t you the one who bought your girlfriend a car because you’re totally into her? Which is a lot more than just sex. Right? Maybe I have you confused with someone else.
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post #1377 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-17-2019, 10:18 PM
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post #1378 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-18-2019, 01:58 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Originally Posted by 2&out View Post
Very interesting turn lately. I say very similar and as a man get attacked/slammed. Just another A-hole man who just wants sex and fun. Interesting that when it's the other sex it is some how OK/justified. I especially have to laugh at the lists - that they are "better than" and want/expect/deserve more. But very past hot/prime for the unicorn that might qualify.
Men's "lists" get slammed because they are usually superficial and tend to be insulting towards women, and tends to be diametrically opposed, like "I want a woman who is a size two, but with J Lo's ass and Christina Hendricks' boobs, but I also want her to eat real food and not salads." Women like that literally DO. NOT. EXIST. Or they think they deserve to date supermodel type women, and won't accept or even consider anything less than a 10.

The lists here posted by the women can be distilled down to very simply, "have your **** together and don't be an *******." That's all it takes. Be a stable person and don't be a jerk, and most women will give you a chance.

Luckily for us, the men who make THOSE types of list generally fail at least one of these two criteria.

But these lists that TAM woman have posted here are also for screening for compatibility, and that's not superficial. Honestly, I have yet to see a man's list that isn't completely superficial. I'm not saying that all men are superficial, not by a long shot. It's just that the non-superficial men I've known either don't have lists, or haven't shared them.

ETA: the men's lists that get slammed also tend to objectify and dehumanize woman. That's what we object to. We don't object to a man having criteria in terms of who he will or won't be compatible with. We object to lists that treat us like cuts of meat instead of people.

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Last edited by FeministInPink; 10-18-2019 at 02:02 AM.
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post #1379 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-18-2019, 08:31 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

Thatís pretty much what I would say in my profiles. The guy needs to have his **** together, not need to be the center of attention and not be materialistic. In other words, an average joe whoís comfortable and content being an average joe.

I messaged one guy simply to ask him why his profile was so negative. It was so so negative. He replied saying he was tired of being turned down by chicks who were nothing special to look at. He was looking for a FWB situation. He had no pictures on his profile. I replied back that guys whoíre looking for that kind of situation need to be pretty damn good looking in order to hook a better than average looking woman for FWB. So he sent me a picture. Not attractive, at all. Out of shape, older, double chin and sort of frumpy.

That was an eye opener for me. He obviously saw himself as someone who has what it takes to snag a hot woman, but why? How can someone be so out of touch? He was genuinely angry about the fact that he was having no success. And if heís like that what are the seriously good looking guys going to be like? Thatís a scary thought.
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post #1380 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-18-2019, 09:11 AM
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I sometimes see a guy with a long list and feel that the things on the list are totally reasonable. Like don’t be a drama queen, spend hours in the mirror just to go out for lunch, don’t still be dependent on your parents or ex, don’t be on social media constantly. And I can’t argue with any of those. But the fact that the list is so specific just makes me think they are talking about one or more specific women in their past. So it’s still kind of a turn off to read such a list because it makes me think he’s been burned by someone and is bitter about it.

That’s why I never put a list up because I’m sure it will just make me come across in the same way. Like I’m just listing everything I hate about my ex or something.

I do like when guys have positive lists, like good qualities they are looking for, especially if it’s cute and witty.
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