Singles of TAM 2019 - Page 97 - Talk About Marriage
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post #1441 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 11:50 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

So what's this Facebook dating thing? This is the first I've heard of it. Is this something fairly new?

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post #1442 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 12:16 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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I guess my first impression of it isn't all that favorable because I don't behave that way unless I know someone better.



I don't mind a jab in my direction from someone I know well and I know they have my back but not someone I'm just getting to know.
Right? That is exactly how I feel about it. It's making a poor impression on me.

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post #1443 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 12:18 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

Sounds like a joke! I tend to be sarcastic so I would not write him off for that! I think he was trying to be corny!


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post #1444 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 12:20 PM
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Singles of TAM 2019

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So what's this Facebook dating thing? This is the first I've heard of it. Is this something fairly new?


Yes...relatively new.

It’s under menu.


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post #1445 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 12:24 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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You can test his sense of humor by telling him that you were saving sharing your favorite hobby 'til you knew him better - carving the hearts out of cheating bastards. See if he laughs or blocks you.
I could, but responding that way... doesn't feel like me. It would feel like I was putting on an act. I am nothing if noth authentic and real.
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I think mentioning that your skills border on professional would be the way to go and could lead to more good conversation.
I thought about that... but it feels like I'm buying into the neg and trying to impress him and get his approval. Which is the whole point/the psychology of the neg.

My thought is just ignore it for now, and wait, watch, and listen. When he actually realizes how good I am at these things, and inevitably comments on it... I will bring up the basic comment. "Really? Because if I recall correctly, you said my interest in music was BASIC." And see how he responds.

I don't mind letting people underestimate me. I don't need to correct them, because eventually the offender is proven wrong, or someone else corrects them.

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post #1446 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 12:37 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Sounds like a joke! I tend to be sarcastic so I would not write him off for that! I think he was trying to be corny!


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Meh... I clearly didn't find it funny. And I do have a sense of humor.

I have never liked sarcasm, and frankly I sometimes find it triggering. True sarcasm can be brilliant, but is very rare. Most people pass off *******ry as sarcasm. I find such people mean, insulting, thoughtless, and lacking in empathy--and totally disconnected and uninterested in how their words might make others feel.

I am a very literal person. Someone who uses sarcasm (poorly) without really knowing how I might react... a definite error on his part.

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post #1447 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 12:59 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

Yeah that did sound a little neggy, FIP!! Dang, it's so hard to know via PM/text. Without nuance and tone, we just don't know sometimes.

But if you assume it was neggy and say something, and if it actually wasn't, then he is likely to think you are too sensitive. However, if it WAS meant to be neggy he would ALSO accuse you of being too sensitive! Ugh! We can't win sometimes.

The only thing I can say in his defense is that I sometimes say/type something that just pops in my head without filtering first, and then later realize oh wow, that probably didn't come out right. So maybe he is just a dumbass like me.

You will know soon enough though. Because if he's neggy or just a jerk, he will say something unmistakeably jerk-ish soon.
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post #1448 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 01:06 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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Yeah that did sound a little neggy, FIP!! Dang, it's so hard to know via PM/text. Without nuance and tone, we just don't know sometimes.



But if you assume it was neggy and say something, and if it actually wasn't, then he is likely to think you are too sensitive. However, if it WAS meant to be neggy he would ALSO accuse you of being too sensitive! Ugh! We can't win sometimes.



The only thing I can say in his defense is that I sometimes say/type something that just pops in my head without filtering first, and then later realize oh wow, that probably didn't come out right. So maybe he is just a dumbass like me.



You will know soon enough though. Because if he's neggy or just a jerk, he will say something unmistakeably jerk-ish soon.
You so get me

Ok, so I have decided that I will ignore the potentially neggy comment and continue the conversation and see what happens.

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post #1449 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 01:14 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

BTW, thanks for the input, guys. I feel better knowing that my reading of that wasn't way out in left field.

I'm working on recognizing bad/unhealthy behaviors on my own part as well as on the part of others. I'm getting better.

Something that I have realized as I've been considering negging specifically in the last few months... Real Estate negged me on multiple occasions, and thinking back on it, I can see exactly how it worked and created the effect that he wanted.

It would appear that my entire life is one big learning process.


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post #1450 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 02:03 PM
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Yeah that did sound a little neggy, FIP!! Dang, it's so hard to know via PM/text. Without nuance and tone, we just don't know sometimes.

But if you assume it was neggy and say something, and if it actually wasn't, then he is likely to think you are too sensitive. However, if it WAS meant to be neggy he would ALSO accuse you of being too sensitive! Ugh! We can't win sometimes.

The only thing I can say in his defense is that I sometimes say/type something that just pops in my head without filtering first, and then later realize oh wow, that probably didn't come out right. So maybe he is just a dumbass like me.

You will know soon enough though. Because if he's neggy or just a jerk, he will say something unmistakeably jerk-ish soon.
Lots of truth in there.

I look back at my own post often and realize they may have been very easy to misinterpret.

Type/Text just doesn’t carry that inflection that can totally change the meaning

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post #1451 of 1719 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 06:23 PM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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I dunno Fip...maybe a little more convo to see where he’s coming from? Perhaps he was trying to be funny but I don’t understand the punchline if he was. That doesn’t sound like the usual response to me and you were being honest (but we know you better).

Speaking of Facebook dating...I had a couple glasses of wine one night and quickly (but not very seriously) filled out a profile too. After a couple of days, this fella pops up who I had 3 mutual friends with. Huh? Who is this? His place of employment was the same as my 2 sons and DIL. Sweet guy & not bad looking for our age group. I sent his pic to son #1 and asked if he knew him and what he thought. Got rave reviews so I reached out. I “liked” him and the next day he “liked” me back. Long story short, we’ve been talking and seeing each other pretty much non-stop since then and things are going great!! Who woulda thunk? lol

Funny thing is that I worked there for about 10 months a year or so ago and our paths never crossed. I wasn’t really ready for it then though. I had some more processing to do, ya know?

The Facebook dating thing still seems superficial to me because it’s mostly photos like the others but the shared friends thing changed everything in this instance.

Anyway...I think I’m FINALLY on to something here. Wish me luck!!
That's awesome, girl!! Keep us posted!!!
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post #1452 of 1719 (permalink) Old 11-01-2019, 02:28 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

So I went out for Halloween Karaoke tonight. A friend of mine organizes a Halloween Karaoke Meetup with a costume contest with our favorite KJ at one of his regular shows every year, and this year it was actually on Halloween. She usually does it on a Saturday, but that didn't work out this year. I came up with the idea to do Jessica Rabbit about a month ago, and I've been pulling all the pieces together, practicing with my wig, and making sure I got the makeup just how I wanted.

I participate in the contest, but I never expect to win, because some of my friends really go ALL OUT with movie special effect makeup and intricate costumes... some of them cosplay, I think. But I really like dressing up and doing something for ME, because my XH hated Halloween and refused to do anything for the holiday. So after we split, I decided that I'm going to splurge on myself and do whatever costume I want to do, and I go out, and I have fun.

Well...

I WON THE COSTUME CONTEST!

They do it by audience applause/cheers, and they do a couple rounds until it's down to the final two, who introduce themselves before people vote. So the other girl introduced her costume, saying she was Lady Gaga, and she was born this way (she had just sung the song), and she got a lot of cheers. They came to me, and I said in my best husky voice, "I'm Jessica Rabbit. I'm not bad, I'm just drawn this way." And the audience went NUTS, just crazy cheering and everything... I totally didn't expect it!

Anyway, that was just a blast. And it was made even better by a friend who, when he found out about my costume, begged to be my Roger Rabbit, and put together a costume in a couple of days.

And the male attention because of this costume was off. the. hook. I have never had so many guys talk to me in one night at a bar. Crazy.

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post #1453 of 1719 (permalink) Old 11-01-2019, 02:37 AM
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That is so freaking awesome FIP!!!

Love it!!

Wish I was there, so happy you had a great night. Swoon!!
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post #1454 of 1719 (permalink) Old 11-01-2019, 02:54 AM
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Re: Singles of TAM 2019

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That is so freaking awesome FIP!!!

Love it!!

Wish I was there, so happy you had a great night. Swoon!!
Thank you!

I love this costume, I would love to have another opportunity to wear it. I felt so beautiful and confident in it. (Except my heels were too tight. But they made my ass look great, LOL)

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post #1455 of 1719 (permalink) Old 11-01-2019, 03:11 AM
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That is so freaking awesome FIP!!!

Love it!!

Wish I was there, so happy you had a great night. Swoon!!
Thank you!

I love this costume, I would love to have another opportunity to wear it. I felt so beautiful and confident in it. (Except my heels were too tight. But they made my ass look great, LOL)
What a great single gal night....the best!!! Freaking Jessica Rabbit and you killed it.

Again...swoon!
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