Sex & Exclusivity - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 126 (permalink) Old 12-24-2019, 07:28 PM
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Re: Sex & Exclusivity

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Originally Posted by Married but Happy View Post
... Also, a new polyamorous partner may have their own existing sexual relationships simultaneously. It can get complicated, but it's not difficult if everyone is honest and negotiates whatever boundaries seem appropriate to the situation.
Complicated is right. All poly relationships are different, but, in my experience, every person added increases the complexity geometrically. So, why do we get involved with more than one person? Because we are already complex and loving people, and we understand our partners have needs we cannot fill, and we may have needs they cannot fill. We love them enough, and they love us enough to understand that.

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post #122 of 126 (permalink) Old 12-24-2019, 10:29 PM
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Re: Sex & Exclusivity

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Originally Posted by IronHamster View Post
Complicated is right. All poly relationships are different, but, in my experience, every person added increases the complexity geometrically. So, why do we get involved with more than one person? Because we are already complex and loving people, and we understand our partners have needs we cannot fill, and we may have needs they cannot fill. We love them enough, and they love us enough to understand that.

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I love and respect my husband far too much to even consider bringing anyone else into our marriage. Also I made promises to him to be faithful and I would never break them.
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post #123 of 126 (permalink) Old 12-25-2019, 09:04 AM
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Re: Sex & Exclusivity

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Originally Posted by IronHamster View Post
Complicated is right. All poly relationships are different, but, in my experience, every person added increases the complexity geometrically. So, why do we get involved with more than one person? Because we are already complex and loving people, and we understand our partners have needs we cannot fill, and we may have needs they cannot fill. We love them enough, and they love us enough to understand that.

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I remember multi dating being common when I was at college. Of course, at a time when nearly everyone is single; childfree (this was the early 80s) and have no shared property: and whatever else of importance other time since being a college student is finite as well......

I think women were encouraged at one time to multi date. It looks less needy. You don't know what he's doing when you're not together and so on.

But I can't think of anyone these days who advocates multiple partners in any way.
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post #124 of 126 (permalink) Old 12-25-2019, 10:22 AM
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Re: Sex & Exclusivity

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I've had plenty of dinner dates with him. He's a foodie and enjoys taking me to good restaurants for dinner. He's also taken me to the theater and an art gallery show.
And....

He is playing the long game.

His short-term sexual needs are emptied of.
No pressure there.

His long term goal of getting you in the sack remains in play.

He knows he is winning.

Why?

You keep seeing him.

In the back of his mind he thinks he will get you in bed.
In the back of your mind, you hope he sees the light, sees your value and amends his playboy ways and asks for exclusivity.

You and Alma Mater are slow dancing, without touching vital organs.

I have no issues with this.

I hope 'you' get what you want.



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This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
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post #125 of 126 (permalink) Old 12-25-2019, 10:24 PM
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Re: Sex & Exclusivity

I'm seriously glad I took the time to read this thread. Very good thread for those wondering what the hell is going on out there... even us old guys. Thanks for not deleting it.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson
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post #126 of 126 (permalink) Old 12-25-2019, 11:00 PM
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Re: Sex & Exclusivity

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Originally Posted by Rocky Mountain Yeti View Post
I find exclusively to be a definite prerequisite for sex. For me, I can't imagine it any other way.
Same. 100%

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Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
One problem today is that people disguise relationships as "just a friendship" when they really are dating that person.

People have different standards for what a "date" is which can cause more confusion.
That's why you ask the question directly, "are we exclusive" and then "I require exclusivity prior to sex". The other person can then either continue with you or decide they don't want it. I was very clear with my husband when we met, that to be intimate with him I required exclusivity and a desire to move our relationship forward. I wouldn't have sex without those two things. It didn't mean our relationship would last of course, but it meant that we were both on the same page with the same end goal in mind, and that was important to both of us.
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