Online Dating - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
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post #136 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 05:17 PM
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Re: Online Dating

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Sorry to hear about "sexy cool dude" FW. It seems like we need to add right timing to the mix. Maybe this isn't necessarily a goodbye but a see ya later.
For all the algorithms and compatibility timing plays a much bigger role than we want it too.


Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday
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post #137 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 05:25 PM
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Re: Online Dating

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Sorry to hear about "sexy cool dude" FW. It seems like we need to add right timing to the mix. Maybe this isn't necessarily a goodbye but a see ya later.
That is a possibility, but since he simply cannot say what is going to happen in his life with these family issues, he did not/could not ask me to wait around for him.

And I won't wait around.

But we still may end up finding our way back after a bit, if his life settles down.
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post #138 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 03:47 PM
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I completely agree that it's about the psychological aspect - the habits and discontent that the apps have created.

It doesn't really matter how 'perfect' you are anymore.

For people who aren't already in stable, long-term relationships, whatever someone is offering, it likely won't be enough.

It's like relational gluttony - and definitely a consumer mindset about using and discarding other people.

People get what they think they want, but then after awhile, they don't want it anymore. So they get divorced again, and get back into the dating pool again.

It was surprising to go on a first date and discover that the man who'd put himself as divorced was still married. (x2)

It was shocking to go on a first date and discover that a different man had already been married and divorced 3 times. (x2)

It was appalling to discover that yet a different guy I'd gone on one date with was on the pediphile registry in my area.

There are just too many distractions in our world that I'm no longer willing to compete with.

I'm not gonna fight about the pornography, or the girl from high school who's now contacting you through fb, or the endless hookup sites that you're just 'curious' about, or the secret girlfriend you have in the next town, or the 20 year old at your office who you're flirting with.

I want a quiet, peaceful life, and I don't trust that I can have that with another person.



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I think your question was rhetorical but I'll answer anyway. The "apps and whatnot" have actually made finding someone harder due to Paradox of Choice and the fallacy of abundance mentality. These are Psychological phenomena. Seems the more we use technology to make life easier, the harder they seem to get.

EXACTLY.
That's what makes me tired.
That's why I've been thinking about my ex as I posted here.
At least he used to see some value in me. These guys don't.
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post #139 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-16-2019, 06:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Online Dating

More experimenting by Lila.

Decided to reactivate my Match account from January of this year but I completely revamped the profile. It is bluntly honest and less intense. I kept it fun and open. So far there's been lots of interest; have had three first dates that turned into three second dates and three third dates.

The key to online dating for me is to trust my gut. I'm a logical person and tend to over-analyze situations but with online dating, if it doesn't feel right, then it's probably best to cut bait. My sixth sense is telling me something isn't right.
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post #140 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-16-2019, 10:16 PM
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Re: Online Dating

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More experimenting by Lila.

Decided to reactivate my Match account from January of this year but I completely revamped the profile. It is bluntly honest and less intense. I kept it fun and open. So far there's been lots of interest; have had three first dates that turned into three second dates and three third dates.

The key to online dating for me is to trust my gut. I'm a logical person and tend to over-analyze situations but with online dating, if it doesn't feel right, then it's probably best to cut bait. My sixth sense is telling me something isn't right.
Do you mean that out of 9 dates your sixth sense is telling you something isn't right? I don't get it.

Sounds like you had fun!
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post #141 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 05:51 AM Thread Starter
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Do you mean that out of 9 dates your sixth sense is telling you something isn't right? I don't get it.

Sounds like you had fun!
It was three separate guys who I went on three dates a piece (one initial meet + 2 dates). I should have followed my gut on one of them and let him go after the initial meet.
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post #142 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 10:57 PM
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Re: Online Dating

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It was three separate guys who I went on three dates a piece (one initial meet + 2 dates). I should have followed my gut on one of them and let him go after the initial meet.
Girl, I hear ya but it gets old!!! I get so many response but it is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Don't get me wrong, I have met alot of very interesting fellows and made connections with some but I don't find men want relationships. I find they each have their cunning way to try to lure you to what they want and i just end it. I am still dating my "tiger" the doctor but even that has no promise. We have fun but men like their freedom and variety.
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post #143 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 12:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Online Dating

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Girl, I hear ya but it gets old!!! I get so many response but it is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Don't get me wrong, I have met alot of very interesting fellows and made connections with some but I don't find men want relationships. I find they each have their cunning way to try to lure you to what they want and i just end it. I am still dating my "tiger" the doctor but even that has no promise. We have fun but men like their freedom and variety.
I think it's called wanting all of the benefits of a relationship without any of the limitations.

You're lucky in that you have made connections. I am still working to get to that point.
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post #144 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 12:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Online Dating

Update to my experimentation:

I shut my match account down again. I am done with online dating. It's one thing to get rejected by attractive men who have their **** together. It's another to get rejected by a bunch of average to less than average looking guys with more issues than tissues. I know I sound bitter but damn, online dating is not good for self confidence. From everything I've heard and experienced, the women are all looking for Christian Grey and men are looking for silicon barbie dolls with the kindness of Mother Teresa and the sex drive/boundaries of a swinger porn star. I exaggerate but you get the drift.
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post #145 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 01:19 PM
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Re: Online Dating

This is exactly why I stopped.

Even though I'm attractive, in shape and financially independent, I consistently ended up feeling unattractive, unwanted and unloveable.


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Update to my experimentation:

I shut my match account down again. I am done with online dating. It's one thing to get rejected by attractive men who have their **** together. It's another to get rejected by a bunch of average to less than average looking guys with more issues than tissues. I know I sound bitter but damn, online dating is not good for self confidence. From everything I've heard and experienced, the women are all looking for Christian Grey and men are looking for silicon barbie dolls with the kindness of Mother Teresa and the sex drive/boundaries of a swinger porn star. I exaggerate but you get the drift.


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post #146 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 01:29 PM
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Re: Online Dating

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Originally Posted by AVR1962 View Post
Girl, I hear ya but it gets old!!! I get so many response but it is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Don't get me wrong, I have met alot of very interesting fellows and made connections with some but I don't find men want relationships. I find they each have their cunning way to try to lure you to what they want and i just end it. I am still dating my "tiger" the doctor but even that has no promise. We have fun but men like their freedom and variety.
I think that's why its better to make it very clear on your profile that you are not looking for casual sex and want a long term relationship. Wouldn't that weed out a lot of them?
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post #147 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 01:32 PM
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Re: Online Dating

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This is exactly why I stopped.

Even though I'm attractive, in shape and financially independent, I consistently ended up feeling unattractive, unwanted and unloveable.
That can happen, and on Christian dating sites its worse because there were about 3 or 4 women to every man when I was on there. After a while I got immune to rejections and carried on anyway. It took 2 years to find my man, and a lovely lady I got to know there took 7 years to meet her lovely man, who was 7 years younger than her and training to be a vicar.
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post #148 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 01:33 PM
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Re: Online Dating

In my experience telling a man upfront that you're not looking for casual sex is either completely ignored or not taken seriously.

I'd tell them I wasn't going to have sex with them, but they all seem to think they were stud muffins who'd have my panties off in 5 minutes - and then get frustrated that I actually meant what I said.

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I think that's why its better to make it very clear on your profile that you are not looking for casual sex and want a long term relationship. Wouldn't that weed out a lot of them?
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post #149 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 01:42 PM
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Re: Online Dating

I tried online dating for 8 years without even coming close to a serious relationship.

I am truly happy for you that it worked out for you and your husband, but it didn't work for me.

I haven't gone on a date in a little more than a year, and the more I've moved away from it all, the more I question whether I even would truly want to be married again.

The fantasy part of me thinks it would be nice, but this is the first time in my life I'm doing exactly what I want, and I don't take that for granted.


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That can happen, and on Christian dating sites its worse because there were about 3 or 4 women to every man when I was on there. After a while I didn't let rejections etc bother me and carried on anyway. It took 2 years to find my man, and a lovely lady I got to know there took 7 years to meet her lovely man, who was 7 years younger than her and training to be a vicar.
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post #150 of 192 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Online Dating

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Originally Posted by minimalME View Post
In my experience telling a man upfront that you're not looking for casual sex is either completely ignored or not taken seriously.

I'd tell them I wasn't going to have sex with them, but they all seem to think they were stud muffins who'd have my panties off in 5 minutes - and then get frustrated that I actually meant what I said.
Dang @minimalME. You must be a hottie.

I haven't had that happen to me (well with the exception of octopus hands and I met him "in real life"). I get friend zoned or dropped like a bad habit. I'm not even opposed to casual sex per se. I just have to want to go there. Haven't had anyone want to get me there.
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