Down Sides of Dating You - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #46 of 56 (permalink) Old 10-28-2019, 11:53 PM
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Re: Down Sides of Dating You

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OTOH, I also don't need to go to a winery or a fancy restaurant. Grill steaks at home and pop Netflix on, cuddle on the couch, and I'm good.
That sounds like a perfect evening to me!!!!

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post #47 of 56 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 02:48 AM
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Re: Down Sides of Dating You

The down side of myself is that I work on the other side of the earth for 51% of the year. Most woman would have a very difficult time with that. I am gone from my home 30 days at a time.

Otherwise I am like @Girl_power in that I have Black/White thinking.
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post #48 of 56 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 07:49 AM
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Re: Down Sides of Dating You

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I am not easily offended and I’m the one who said it about myself so no worries there. When I’m angry it’s not pretty but it takes A LOT to get me there. I do vent about my frustrations a lot though. So if something at work really upset me, as my partner, you’re going to hear about it and then I can move on. I try hard never to take my frustrations or anger out on the wrong person. I’ll ***** to you about it but I’m not angry at you but some people have trouble seeing the difference.

When I am angry at you though...you’ll know and won’t be pretty for you. But, like I said, it takes a lot. My boyfriend has never seen that side of me. He keeps saying how laid back I am LOL. Even my STBX has only seen it three times in 25 years. But, if you mess with my kids it will come out. A teacher once told my daughter she had to take an F on a test that she missed while in the hospital and tried to tell me the same multiple times. It did not go well for her when I spoke to the principal. Same for the nurse who sent my kid, with a known cardiac condition back to class with an ice pack for her chest pain. 20 minutes later she was in an ambulance. Those are the kinds of things that get me going. But once I get going...watch out!!
Ooh! I like you!
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post #49 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-02-2019, 02:57 AM
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Re: Down Sides of Dating You

Alright, I asked Batman this question.

His answer was that I ask him questions that feel unnatural, from the internet...

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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post #50 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-02-2019, 03:03 AM
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Re: Down Sides of Dating You

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Ahh...sitting on the floor eating a pizza while covered with paint spatter, now that's romantic!!
That does sound romantic... although I know in our dynamic, painting together has smatterings of enjoyment, listening to a podcast or music together and conversation, sure stopping for pizza, but our painting moments typically have tension/arguments involved!

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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post #51 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-03-2019, 11:20 PM
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Re: Down Sides of Dating You

Down sides of dating me... from what I've been told:

  • I'm difficult to "read" emotionally
  • I'm difficult to "judge" or not easy to "label"
  • I have a young kid, and will not put a potential girlfriend ahead of my time with her
  • I'm (maybe) too individualistic; don't like pop music, pop movies, pop art, etc. so don't have a lot in common with the typical person my age

Last edited by TomNebraska; 11-04-2019 at 12:02 AM.
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post #52 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 05:18 AM
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Re: Down Sides of Dating You

My assumption is that it's my appearance. I'm short and small. I'm reasonably fit, well groomed, and generally dress well, but I'm definitely shorter than most women would like. In fact, most of the women I dated were my height or taller. I think it was a deal breaker for some women I was interested in. It never seemed to bother my wife.

I think that most women want "strong" or "powerful" men. For many, that translates into wanting tall or large or muscular men. That was never me. Fortunately, my wife doesn't seem to find that important.
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post #53 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 05:50 AM
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Re: Down Sides of Dating You

Just remembered the other big downside. I was a cheap date. It seemed like most of my friends spent (in today's dollars) anywhere from $25 to $100 on a date. I was poor and then frugal and my dates were more in the $0 to $20 range. I had little choice when I was in college because I just didn't have enough spare cash.

After college, I realized that it was a useful filtering tool. I watched one of those high spending friends attract what he thought was a great catch (based solely on her appearance) only to have her bleed him dry and leave him deep in debt before dumping him. By not spending much on dates, I only attracted women that weren't big spenders.

My dates were fun (at least from my perspective). I took ladies out for hikes, to museums, to the beach, to play Frisbee, to go biking, and out for picnics. We did stuff that I thought was enjoyable, that I thought she would think was enjoyable, and that gave us lots of time to interact. I always hated movies as a date because you didn't get to interact.

It might not have been the best approach to getting lots of dates, but it worked out great in the end.
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post #54 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 10:02 AM
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Re: Down Sides of Dating You

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Just remembered the other big downside. I was a cheap date. It seemed like most of my friends spent (in today's dollars) anywhere from $25 to $100 on a date. I was poor and then frugal and my dates were more in the $0 to $20 range. I had little choice when I was in college because I just didn't have enough spare cash.



After college, I realized that it was a useful filtering tool. I watched one of those high spending friends attract what he thought was a great catch (based solely on her appearance) only to have her bleed him dry and leave him deep in debt before dumping him. By not spending much on dates, I only attracted women that weren't big spenders.



My dates were fun (at least from my perspective). I took ladies out for hikes, to museums, to the beach, to play Frisbee, to go biking, and out for picnics. We did stuff that I thought was enjoyable, that I thought she would think was enjoyable, and that gave us lots of time to interact. I always hated movies as a date because you didn't get to interact.



It might not have been the best approach to getting lots of dates, but it worked out great in the end.
See, to me these sound like much more interesting date ideas than going out to dinner. And movies are generally lame for a date because you can't engage with the other person. (If I'm in a relationship, a movie date is nice, because if you go to a theater with the big cushy seats, you can snuggle when you watch the movie. And you may have been talking about it in the days or weeks leading up to seeing the movie, which builds a shared anticipation, all of which makes it more of a couple's activity.)

If I had been one of the young ladies dating you, @FalCod , I would have thought that you had a lot more going on upstairs than other guys, if you were able to come up with cool alternative date ideas like this.

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~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #55 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 02:17 PM
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Re: Down Sides of Dating You

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See, to me these sound like much more interesting date ideas than going out to dinner. And movies are generally lame for a date because you can't engage with the other person. (If I'm in a relationship, a movie date is nice, because if you go to a theater with the big cushy seats, you can snuggle when you watch the movie. And you may have been talking about it in the days or weeks leading up to seeing the movie, which builds a shared anticipation, all of which makes it more of a couple's activity.)

If I had been one of the young ladies dating you, @FalCod , I would have thought that you had a lot more going on upstairs than other guys, if you were able to come up with cool alternative date ideas like this.

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I have my older sister to credit for some of this. She gave me a bunch of advice on dating. Some of the main points that I remember were to make your dates original and interesting:

* Don't just go with dinner and a movie, or a concert, or other things that everyone does on dates. Make it something creative. Everyone interesting enjoys some level of novelty.

* Make specific proposals. Don't just say, "hey, do you want to go out this weekend?" Instead, say "hey, it's supposed to be beautiful Saturday morning. Would you like to go out around 10:00 AM for a walk down by the lake and have a picnic lunch?" Specific about the time, the location, and the activity.

* Pick activities that help you to get to know each other.

* If it is someone you don't know well (say, someone you met at the library), make it a "safe" date. Offer to meet them someplace public for an activity.

I'm sure that she gave me lots of other advice, but those are the main ones that jump out at me.

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post #56 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 03:47 PM
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Re: Down Sides of Dating You

The lighter fluff -

I'm generally the adaptable one. (Not a doormat. I do take pride in my own personality). But, for instance, I can genuinely start liking a song, a style of clothing, a dish without realising it because someone I love, likes it! Has never worked the other way around at all, since I'm drawn to the stronger types (in friends too). After a while, that could make it all seem one-sided.

Would have to put up with imagination-driven questions and creativity-outlet discussions. I love putting myself in other scenarios/situations. If there's an uncanny situation in the news/TV/Movie, my next impulse would be to ask the next person questions like "What would you do if you were the oncologist in the Saw?"

Work in bursts, and then need 'me' (read: lazy) time.

A little OCD about sparkling countertops.

And the heavy-duty stuff -

Emotional and an empath.

Sensitive to criticism. Learning to woman-up while facing criticism, though.

Last edited by Zing; 11-04-2019 at 03:53 PM.
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