Originally Posted by Casual Observer View Post
"Resentment" was obvious then, but if you're not picking it up now, why do you think it's there? You might be one of those unusual couples that has a better relationship not married than when.
I think one of the main sources of resentment during the marriage was that she expected ESP while as ex spouses she just evaluates what is *actually* happening without all the unmet expectations. There's probably some guilt helping for now since she's not leaving for faults of mine but just a change in what she wants or finally figuring out what she wants. In a way I don't think she feels like I "deserve" the divorce. That won't last forever. I don't know if she's still carrying the resentment but it is going to stop being my problem if it hasn't already.
There has been an interesting progression.
A month after she moved out I was stuttering my way through a tough talk about divorce logistics and she said, "That's why going to counseling or talking about reconciliation is stupid because at the end of all that talking you would still be you."
Months later when her grandfather passed away, I was there for her freakout about death. The hug she asked for turned into her asking for other things and I gave them. She asked about the possibility of a FWB situation shortly after that and I told her that I didn't think that was how I worked and I couldn't be that for her in any case.
Nearly a year into the separation (mandatory waiting period since we have minor children), she asked me if I thought we might get back together sometime in the future. I told her that years of her thinking about leaving without a serious conversation with me didn't make me want to. Losing the security in our relationship where I believed that we would always try to work through our problems made me reluctant to trust in her and any relationship with her.
As for a friendship, I might get over our relationship enough that it could happen. A year of decent behavior from her hasn't been long enough. It will still be a while until the thought in the back of my mind, "why didn't you do this when we were married?" doesn't pop up when she's being nice and supportive.
I think it's entirely possible that if I pursued it, I could (or could have) restart(ed) a relationship with her. I would have to believe that it would be an improvement over being single. I would have to believe that she was committed to the relationship and trying again and not just stringing me along until something better came along or she was more prepared.
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