Who should pay on dates? - Page 27 - Talk About Marriage
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post #391 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:05 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by Holdingontoit View Post
Ladies, please remember, if you insist on men always paying for dates, you are perpetuating women being paid less in the workplace.
There have been a ton of posts in this thread and I admit I haven read each and every one word for word, but I really don't recall seeing any posts where a woman has stated that she thinks the man should bankroll their ENTIRE dating experience - from date #1 all the way to the last.

The majority of posts that I've read regarding women wanting a man to pay for a date have been more about preferring that a man pay for the FIRST date. I also saw a couple posts where it was mentioned they'd prefer him to pay for the first date and the 2nd or 3rd too, before they start contributing. But I don't recall seeing any posts where a woman has said he should pay for every single date they go on (unless I missed those posts).
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post #392 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:46 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
There have been a ton of posts in this thread and I admit I haven read each and every one word for word, but I really don't recall seeing any posts where a woman has stated that she thinks the man should bankroll their ENTIRE dating experience - from date #1 all the way to the last.

The majority of posts that I've read regarding women wanting a man to pay for a date have been more about preferring that a man pay for the FIRST date. I also saw a couple posts where it was mentioned they'd prefer him to pay for the first date and the 2nd or 3rd too, before they start contributing. But I don't recall seeing any posts where a woman has said he should pay for every single date they go on (unless I missed those posts).
I think it is a good question, and one TBH that I think some haven't answered (I have asked this). For those who believe that a man should pay, does it apply only to the first date, the first several dates, etc... Is the expectation this should be his responsibility for the duration of the relationship? Does how much you make relative to him come into play? Lovelygirl answered this for the most part as per below:

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Even if the girl is richer/earns more than the man, I'd still be turned on by the man paying. (not every single time obviously, but most times ..)
IIRC WildJade had mentioned she would want the guy to pay at first but once it became a relationship she would like to contribute as well (apologies if I got this wrong WJ).
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post #393 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:47 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
He probably would've pushed harder anyway. That's what my husband learned in his MBA program. They were told that men ask for and expect raises and promotions, while women are much less likely to do so.

And, to be clear, a woman should not insist a man pay. If he does not do it of his own free will, that is already valuable information about him.
A lot of this has to do with the fact that women are more attuned to other people's feelings and feel that they shouldn't push themselves forward if it would hurt someone else's feelings.You see it at the top level in business,women reach a certain level and then stick.Funnily enough the odd woman that doesn't feel like this can easily end up as CEO of multinational companies.Even in politics it is the same,women who reach the top are seen as ballbreakers,the opinion is they can go so far and no further.Angela Merkel and Theresa May may disagree though.

Last edited by Andy1001; 04-05-2017 at 07:06 PM.
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post #394 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 11:34 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by Wolf1974 View Post
I will say this though one reason I have never resented spending money on my GF is because she is always genuinely grateful when I do. I mean we have been together almost 3.5 years and even just last week I bought her a burrito at chipotle. Nothing fancy just a quick lunch after a hike we took. Walking out she said "thank you so much for lunch baby". She always does that and I never feel taken advantage of as a result.
This is really important. Simple gratitude, but it reinforces a desired quality in women I think many men respect: a gracious nature.

(yes I know I'm a bit late to reply to this... Can't browse TAM 24/7... &#128522
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post #395 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 11:56 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Thanks, @jld ~ but its largely my own fault! After being twice-divorced from heartless, cheating wives, "mutual trust" just doesn't come my way all that easy anymore!

I know that it's largely nothing more than "stinkin' thinkin'," but a lot of times I've told myself that even if I married someone as virtuous as say, Mother Teresa, she probably would end up cheating on me because there's probably something within my mental makeup that would make them cheat exactly like the other two!

But hope does spring eternal!
I think you would be safe enough trusting Mother Teresa not to cheat.
She's dead.
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post #396 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 07:14 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by Satya View Post
This is really important. Simple gratitude, but it reinforces a desired quality in women I think many men respect: a gracious nature.

(yes I know I'm a bit late to reply to this... Can't browse TAM 24/7... &#128522
Whatcha mean you can't respond 24/7 lol

Yeah honestly she is the only woman I have ever met like this (not to say that more dont exist) And I spend on her believe me. Always a gracious thank you for even the most minor of things makes me never hesitant for the larger things.
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post #397 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 07:28 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
I would not call it a double standard. I would say that if you have that kind of information about this guy, then you have an idea as to where you are prioritised on his dating ladder.

As they say, knowledge is power.
Bingo! Nailed it!
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post #398 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 07:40 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Unfortunately people who are the most evil and manipulative are the best at giving the impression of being good and loving.

The actual good person will be honest and not hide their flaws, and so may not appear nearly as attractive early in a relationship.
Yes, exactly. Except that players also have the "I'm just a poor flawed humble man" spiel down pat too.

Not saying that women aren't equally good actresses. Just saying that it takes a certain level of experience or savvy to see through the smoke and mirrors.
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post #399 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 07:41 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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I think you would be safe enough trusting Mother Teresa not to cheat.
She's dead.
And that's the only reason, because truth be told, she was actually one sadistic mofo.
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post #400 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:03 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

My husband asked me to split the bill on our first date, and it really turned me off. I paid my half, but it left me feeling very deflated. I can't really explain why either - it's not about the money, it just felt like I was out with a friend and not on a date. He asked me for a second date and I simply said that I enjoyed myself but I thought we were too different, that I was more old fashioned than I realised when it comes to dating and that I was taken aback at being asked to split the bill.

He apologised profusely and asked for a chance to "redeem" (his words not mine) himself. I agreed to a second date, hehehe He always pays when we go out, he likes it that way (I'm a SAHM now anyway) and has always led our relationship, I followed his lead and I liked (still do!) it that way. To this day, I always thank him for taking me out, and I genuinely mean it. It makes me feel very special when he takes me on a date, opens the doors, pulls out my chair - I lap it up, I love it

I did take him out for a fancy dinner when I sold my car (I had two). I insisted on paying - and then joked to him with a big grin that he had to have sex with me because I paid for his dinner, bahahahahaha
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post #401 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 11:01 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by wild jade View Post
And that's the only reason, because truth be told, she was actually one sadistic mofo.
Finally we agree on something,a few years ago there was a documentary made about her and her charity and it was so damning that it has never been shown on tv.
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post #402 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 08:42 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post

IIRC WildJade had mentioned she would want the guy to pay at first but once it became a relationship she would like to contribute as well (apologies if I got this wrong WJ).
Yep, this is pretty much what I said.

For me, it's not so much the paying, but as @NextTimeAround put it, a way of learning where and whether I am prioritized on the dating ladder.
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post #403 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 08:48 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by frusdil View Post
My husband asked me to split the bill on our first date, and it really turned me off. I paid my half, but it left me feeling very deflated. I can't really explain why either - it's not about the money, it just felt like I was out with a friend and not on a date. He asked me for a second date and I simply said that I enjoyed myself but I thought we were too different, that I was more old fashioned than I realised when it comes to dating and that I was taken aback at being asked to split the bill.

He apologised profusely and asked for a chance to "redeem" (his words not mine) himself. I agreed to a second date, hehehe He always pays when we go out, he likes it that way (I'm a SAHM now anyway) and has always led our relationship, I followed his lead and I liked (still do!) it that way. To this day, I always thank him for taking me out, and I genuinely mean it. It makes me feel very special when he takes me on a date, opens the doors, pulls out my chair - I lap it up, I love it

I did take him out for a fancy dinner when I sold my car (I had two). I insisted on paying - and then joked to him with a big grin that he had to have sex with me because I paid for his dinner, bahahahahaha
Did you ever ask him why he asked you to pay for half of the first date?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #404 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 08:54 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

How can it even be called a date if she had to pay for herself,it was just two acquaintances having dinner.
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post #405 of 683 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 09:26 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
How can it even be called a date if she had to pay for herself,it was just two acquaintances having dinner.
Huh, so going on a date is only considered a date if just one person pays the bill lol.
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