So many men are so abused on these and other forums. - Talk About Marriage
The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

User Tag List

 211Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-27-2017, 07:18 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 10,639
So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

It's the same story over and over, the wife or girlfriend uses their man's natural instinct to protect her to her advantage. It's very sad.
sokillme is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-27-2017, 07:41 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6,796
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

I think it is fascinating how people can use "acceptable" behavior, amp it up and, steathily, it becomes abusive.

My mother is like that. I know now when she asks those vague questions like "are you sure that....." and "is it possible that......." she is asking me to make feel uncomfortable and uncertain.

@sokillme, give us some examples of behaviors that can become abusive.
NextTimeAround is online now  
post #3 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-27-2017, 09:06 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 10,639
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

No examples. It's just post after post of husbands, and boyfriends whose wives and mates have affairs. Always the same story, social media, old friend, friend from work. How sorry the wives now are. And them men revert to their natural desire to protect their wives and continue to get that used against them. It's very sad.

There always seems to be very little consequence compared to the pain these men feel.
sokillme is offline  
post #4 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-27-2017, 09:10 PM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 5,381
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

It is also sad how many women on here, dedicate their whole lives to their husbands, taking care of a family and the home and then they are unceremoniously dumped for a piece of crumpet with no loyalty, no care, empathy consideration. Unfortunately, this is life. In life there are many many people of low character.
aine is offline  
post #5 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-27-2017, 09:12 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,917
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
It's the same story over and over, the wife or girlfriend uses their man's natural instinct to protect her to her advantage. It's very sad.
One of the great things about MW Davis various books Divorce Busting, Sex Starved Marriage, etc. is that a abused spouse can only change themself, but they can change the treatment they will accept and how they will allow their spouse to treat them.

At the depth of my sex starved marriage, my wife was torn. Part of her loved me and part of her was very angry with me. If we did something that made her feel love or have feelings toward me, she would pick fights with me (in an abusive way) so as regain her emotional distance.

I first had to figure out what was happening. Then I needed to figure out that I wasn't going to get angry no matter what she said or did. I needed to simple not let her 'bait me" into a fight. I remember at a nice dinner, she caught herself thinking how great a time she was having and then verbally snapped at me. Rather than getting angry, I just looked at her ans asked her why she said what she had said. I asked what was it that I had specifically done to warrant her saying what she said. She was like a "deer in the headlights." She said she didn't know.

It was hard work to no longer allow myself to be emotionally abused by her, but it paid off. She soon realized that the old things she used to control me and herself no longer worked.

We are all capable of change. We don't need to take abuse.
Young at Heart is offline  
post #6 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-27-2017, 09:35 PM
Member
 
Bibi1031's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: texas
Posts: 2,576
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
It's the same story over and over, the wife or girlfriend uses their man's natural instinct to protect her to her advantage. It's very sad.
I would agree with you if you changed girlfriend or wife with simply WS and BS. So many women are abused on these and other forums as well. Abuse through infidelity or selfishness is not gender biased, and that is sad but at least equal.

Awareness is key. Classes about the ugly truth instead of the fairytale crap of soulmate and happily ever after should be taught to couples that sign up to get married. It would be ideal if we could make couples who decide to be long term partners even if marriage for them is not necessary would be advised to take these classes as well. It may not avoid selfishness or infidelity, but at least there won't be as many "blindsidedness" going on left and right with BS.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Bibi1031 is offline  
post #7 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-27-2017, 09:43 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 10,639
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

Just to clarify, I posted in the men's section to talk about men who are cheated on. There seems to be a particular pattern in the stories that are specific to female cheaters. This is quite obvious when you read enough. There is a pattern to male cheaters as well but that is not the topic of conversation on this post.

This was not to make a gender comparison or any assessment about which sex cheats more. It's unfortunate that so many posts seem to need to point this out. We can all acknowledge that people from both sexes suck.
sokillme is offline  
post #8 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 02:21 AM
Member
 
Bibi1031's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: texas
Posts: 2,576
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

That's the thing, I don't see them all that different. Maybe here we finally see more men looking for help and that is why we indeed have a lot.

The forum I joined when my X cheated was the other way around. There were very few men whose wife's had cheated. This was about 14 years ago though. Maybe more men are opening up on public online forums now than they used to be let's say 10 years ago?

That may be the reason why we now see that many cheating women are just as bad as cheating men now and before.

Any way, just a thought.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Bibi1031 is offline  
post #9 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 10:27 AM
Member
 
MrsAldi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,623
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

I think men are less willing to share their cheating story with their friends in real life, so probably post more on forums like this.
Some men don't discuss their emotional turmoils with friends and family whereas women usually confide more to their support group.

If you're a woman you're taught not to stay with a man who cheats, you're taught by magazines or your friends how to cope with it. Men are less likely to discuss these issues and suffer I would say emotionally more than women.



Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk
MrsAldi is offline  
post #10 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 10:32 AM
Member
 
Yeswecan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 5,981
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

It is a two way street.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
Yeswecan is offline  
post #11 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 10:38 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 2,027
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

It's not as bad as it seems. Lots of men (myself included) ended up a lot better off, so it was a time of growth rather than a time of abuse.
Bananapeel is offline  
post #12 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 11:07 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Rural Midwest
Posts: 3,434
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Just to clarify, I posted in the men's section to talk about men who are cheated on. There seems to be a particular pattern in the stories that are specific to female cheaters. This is quite obvious when you read enough. There is a pattern to male cheaters as well but that is not the topic of conversation on this post.

This was not to make a gender comparison or any assessment about which sex cheats more. It's unfortunate that so many posts seem to need to point this out. We can all acknowledge that people from both sexes suck.
You don't understand. Men can't have problems. Women can have problems. People can have problems. Any discussion of men, however, must be equivocated and have plenty of "of course women too" statements added.

It's the natural tendency of women to gaslight men. You can watch it endlessly, not only on TAM but anywhere.

It's not limited to men and women either. Look at how people freak out in so many threads, when we talk about general trends in a group, immediately interjecting the same whataboutery.
Kivlor is offline  
post #13 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 11:11 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,721
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

One of the saddest stories I ever read was on another forum years ago.

it was an ongoing story of an older guy, very successful engineer in his profession.
but, early on in his marriage, he caught his wife in a car with another man doing
bad things. His wife, rather than being embarrassed and sorrowful instead turned on him.

she turned cold as ice, spiteful and hateful. She never hinted at divorce, but never, ever
again let him touch her, not even a kiss or hug after 30 years.

to make this even sadder, this guy would groan every chance he got about how he
would love to have just one hug from his wife. The forum population would bash him
and exhort him to leave her, but he just wouldnt.

Instead, he would just go on and on about how and why his wife could treat him this
way.

now, I know what some of you might be thinking.........it's his own fault!

Yes, of course, but doesn't make it any less tragic. And how would you like to be the wife,
carrying all that hate all these years?

Last edited by jorgegene; 04-28-2017 at 11:13 AM. Reason: misspelling
jorgegene is offline  
post #14 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 11:12 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,131
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

I think factors like liberalism, feminism, and low self-esteem have emasculated so many of these men who show up on forums like this. The "controlling card" gets played against them and they have no idea how to react to it. When their cheating wives accuse them of being controlling, they seem to have no idea on how to shut that down. They feel bad for snooping on their wives and express how awful it makes them feel. They grovel and chase after their cheating wives to R at any cost. For every 10 betrayed husbands, it seems only about 3 have the courage to kick their cheating wives to the curb. The rest make excuses to justify their R: staying for the kids, too many years have been invested in their marriage, they made a vow to stay through thick and thin, etc. These reasons seem noble on the surface but if we dig a little deeper, we often find that these husbands are codependent and scared of what is out there. The worst has to be the husbands who allow themselves to be cuckolded while their wives flaunt their affairs in their face.
becareful2 is offline  
post #15 of 95 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 11:46 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Rural Midwest
Posts: 3,434
Re: So many men are so abused on these and other forums.

My take on the root causes of the spread of this weakness, where men put up with such things is a combination of single motherhood, and the naturally unbalanced character that will inspire in boys, mixed with all of the "toxic masculinity" commentary constantly acting as if by being male you are defective.

We can trace a lot of this back to feminism and no-fault divorce, which led to the ridiculous mistreatment of men by the Justice System, rewarded single motherhood, rewarded women who take advantage of their husbands, and forced men out of their sons lives. We've seen 3+ generations of this, so now a large number of men never had any men to lead them out of their childhood and into manhood.

These boys were raised by women who were sucking the life out of them as children, in a sick, vampiric fashion. It is only natural that they would marry similar women to their own mothers. And because their mothers did this to them, they don't know how to stop it, nor do they even believe they should. It's normal to them.

No matter what women want to say with their "you go girl!" "we're just as great as men at everything!" slogans, women will never be capable of raising men. That requires men. It would be like asking a fish to teach a squirrel to climb trees.
Kivlor is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome