Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 09:24 AM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

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Jay, if she were to read this post, do you think she'd work harder at losing the weight, knowing how you feel, or just want you to go find someone you're more attracted to?

The reason I ask is that the board is rife with people who compromise on things they think are not important, but then years later find that they regret ignoring their own boundaries and preferences.

As a woman who was average in looks until my 30s, I learned that attraction level is important to many men. I wished more would had admired my maturity, loyalty, and capacity to love, but I wouldn't hold it against them.

I'm not going to call you shallow. It's OK to have a preference. It's OK to to acknowledge you're not incredibly attracted to her. There's a man out there who is. I think we all deserve to both feel that way about someone and have them feel that way about us in return.
I think he is attracted to her on many levels but her physical appearance, while not repulsive to him, is average at best in his eyes.

I understand the numbering system but have never paid it much attention.

Many people have paired up with partners because of all the other attributes aside from physical beauty.

They are actually the smart ones because physical beauty by itself, does nothing to help, improve or strengthen a relationship.

BTW. What is up with that "Awful Truth" avatar? LOL!
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post #47 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 09:24 AM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

I would be careful at the thought of just simply wishing a woman's weight away.

My husband's so-called friend had self-described on a social media site that she was 50 pounds overweight and hoped "to loose (sic)" that by the time she turned 30.

I think she was also tired of only attracting "older" men (10 years+ compared to her) like my husband and the other guy she dumped him for.

50 pounds overweight, at a time in your life when metabolism is going to start to tank?

When my husband was still FB friends with her, I noticed how she had to chronicle her diet and exercise habits on her wall. Even mentioning how people she doesn't know at the gym were telling her how great she looked.

Ok, bad girl me would check her public FB page (my husband de friended her) as she changed her photo every 6 months.

Judging from the photos, she did not loose (sic) that weight until she was 34 --5 years later.

So, I would not make any bets on anyone losing weight. And I get the feeling that a lot of personal trainers will tell you that the time a woman is really interested in losing weight is when her marriage has collapsed.

I also think that it's easier to lose weight when you're not dating or in a relationship. My mother said she lost weight immediately after my father died. Maybe it was a bit of depression, but she said it because she didn't have to cook for anyone and she could eat when she felt like it.

I gained weight when I started dating my husband, in part, because he likes restaurant eating as well. ....... but, thankfully, the amount that I need to lose to get back to a decent BMI is well under 50.

Just don't bet on her losing weight. And expecting someone to lose weight as a requirement for a relationship ........just simply does not work.
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post #48 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 09:44 AM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

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Your numerology requirement is apt to be different at different stages in your life.

At 57 I'm more concerned with emotional state, where my wife scores an easy negative infinity. Physically she's a 9+ for women her age (58) for all the good that has done.
Ah, yes!

Caress my old bone(s) a little, my emotions a lot.

When your skeleton fails, you get a walker or a wheel chair.

When your mind fails....you fail: are the walking dead.

Attaboys from women stretch out the failing....keeping one from falling face down in the mud, until another day, another time.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.

Last edited by SunCMars; 04-30-2017 at 10:04 AM. Reason: spelling error...OCD, too, three, boom
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post #49 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 09:47 AM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

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Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
I would be careful at the thought of just simply wishing a woman's weight away.

My husband's so-called friend had self-described on a social media site that she was 50 pounds overweight and hoped "to loose (sic)" that by the time she turned 30.

I think she was also tired of only attracting "older" men (10 years+ compared to her) like my husband and the other guy she dumped him for.

50 pounds overweight, at a time in your life when metabolism is going to start to tank?

When my husband was still FB friends with her, I noticed how she had to chronicle her diet and exercise habits on her wall. Even mentioning how people she doesn't know at the gym were telling her how great she looked.

Ok, bad girl me would check her public FB page (my husband de friended her) as she changed her photo every 6 months.

Judging from the photos, she did not loose (sic) that weight until she was 34 --5 years later.

So, I would not make any bets on anyone losing weight. And I get the feeling that a lot of personal trainers will tell you that the time a woman is really interested in losing weight is when her marriage has collapsed.

I also think that it's easier to lose weight when you're not dating or in a relationship. My mother said she lost weight immediately after my father died. Maybe it was a bit of depression, but she said it because she didn't have to cook for anyone and she could eat when she felt like it.

I gained weight when I started dating my husband, in part, because he likes restaurant eating as well. ....... but, thankfully, the amount that I need to lose to get back to a decent BMI is well under 50.

Just don't bet on her losing weight. And expecting someone to lose weight as a requirement for a relationship ........just simply does not work.
Nice post...

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #50 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 10:00 AM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

Adding to what @NextTimeAround said:

It is very hard for a women to lose weight....harder to keep it off. It has to be a life time commitment. A hard commitment. And one that keeps lowering the caloric number as women age.

Think about it.

Lets say the average healthy man weighs 180 lbs. To maintain that weight you need to eat, let's say ~2000 calories a day. Might be higher or lower depending on activity and age.

The average healthy women weighs, lets say ~130 lbs to be at her "ideal" weight. That is a lot fewer pounds to feed and maintain. She would likely be able to eat 1400 calories a day if she is not very active...to maintain that weight.

In my book, that is starvation. I eat a lot more than that at 175 lbs. But, I must be very active to do so.

The decks are stacked against women on this topic....And that is why so many women are stacked...

Be healthy, be happy. I like em' all.

Just Sayin'

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #51 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 10:10 AM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

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BTW. What is up with that "Awful Truth" avatar? LOL!
Not to t/j, but I would have preferred the word "awful" wasn't there. I just think that for the most part, it's truth. Not meant to be degrading at all. It just is.

And to your comments, I agree. I do think, however, that most men do not think to seek needs beyond attractiveness until they reach either a certain age or stage in life. They will usually go for the looks and hope that the other aspects and personality traits are beautiful as well. IMO it's backwards thinking, but nature doesn't care what I think.
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post #52 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 10:12 AM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

Wife is a size 4, 5 ft 6, 125-128 lb. This requires 1.5 hr a day on treadmill, and a very vegetarian based starvation diet. Highest I remember her was 140 post pregnancy.

Physically she's a tremendous specimen, able to cycle 30-35 miles, walk 15-20 miles, or spread 15 cubic yards of mulch in a weekend.

There are several musculoskeletal issues that pop up every weekend of course 😷😀
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post #53 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 10:23 AM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

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I want to have a fling with her and see if this has long term potential, but not sure about how she's changed physically. Need to she if she wants to change.
Oh for Christ's sake.

Are you ever going to EVOLVE and stop thinking with your damned ****? You're almost 40 years old and you sound like some dumb-ass 22 year old.

So she's good enough to be a piece of ass for you, but not good enough to bring around your friends. Kinda like a Moped - fun to ride but you don't want your friends to see you on one. Got it.

How arrogant of you to think you're such a freakin' prize that she'd have to 'agree' to change for you, jumping around like a trained seal improving herself JUST for the privilege of being 'more' than a piece of ass for you. Only a pathetically desperate woman would do that. Maybe she's desperate enough, who knows?

And don't bother with your comments about me being a fatty and sticking up for overweight people because I weigh 106. I'm just pointing out the glaringly arrogant and immature things you've said.

But here's a thought - since you're such a Casanova with the ladies, why would you even bother wasting your time with this "5" when all the "8's" and "9's" are probably lined up outside your door, fighting each other off with sticks JUST to be first in line?
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post #54 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 11:28 AM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

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I recently reconnected with an old friend, whom I also has a fling with in the past. It was great reconnecting, and turns out we have a lot in common, and share the same views on a lot of things in life. It seems we'd be a great match, save for one thing: she's a 5.

That sounds shallow, but if you're not physically attracted to someone, what's the point, right? Maybe I need to look past that. And the biggest part of a compatible partner, to me, is sex frequency. She shares that, because our fling was amazing (for those wondering, it ended because she got transferred to OH for work). Times have changed and she doesn't look as good as she did- it's weight and habits, not looks.

Not looking for lectures on selfishness and shallowness. But, if not with this gal, maybe another. Do I have to get past less than ideal looks if she checks off other boxes?
I thought by the words in red that you were already dating her again. One never knows anymore what someone else considers dating.

I misunderstood you.

I will reword my post: Don't start dating her. Keep her in the friend zone. Don't start having sex with her again because you will become emotionally attached, and possibly end up a couple. Then you will start hating her for all the reasons she is not a 5.

Better yet, don't even rekindle the friendship, because since you already have a history, you are likely to take the natural progression of getting closer and eventually dating her.
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post #55 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 12:15 PM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

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Wife is a size 4, 5 ft 6, 125-128 lb. This requires 1.5 hr a day on treadmill, and a very vegetarian based starvation diet. Highest I remember her was 140 post pregnancy.

Physically she's a tremendous specimen, able to cycle 30-35 miles, walk 15-20 miles, or spread 15 cubic yards of mulch in a weekend.

There are several musculoskeletal issues that pop up every weekend of course 😷😀
So you e got yourself a gorgeous, mentally hard to deal with wife that wants no sex.

I'm seeing your problem.....

Hard to pull the trigger.....,
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post #56 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 12:24 PM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

I have a different take on this.

I also like beautiful women. I want one that I love to look at. Most importantly, one that I like looking st in the morning in bed with no makeup.

I have found that when you find the right one and they have the right looks for you (good enough, not necessarily a "ten"), once you start liking them as a person and fall in love with them, they suddenly are a ten in my eyes.

I know my gf is not a ten yo some people, nor my ex wife-- but when I'm in love with them, they are gorgeous. I can't get enough of each imperfect part.

My gf has actually gotten prettier to me. Much prettier. Although I thought even before I loved her that she was very attractive.

My ex wife has been knocked back down to her reality level of a 5. When we were married, I really felt she was an 8-10, according to what day it was. She wAs always a ten when she doctored on my kids injuries, or cooked supper, or gave me great, passionate sex.

It's not all about how they look, there's a lot to it that depends on how you feel about them.

If you really like her and still think she's only a five--- move on. Or, keep her because you're shallow and she's as good as you'll likely ever do. I don't know which. Really.
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post #57 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 01:21 PM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

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Not to t/j, but I would have preferred the word "awful" wasn't there. I just think that for the most part, it's truth. Not meant to be degrading at all. It just is.

And to your comments, I agree. I do think, however, that most men do not think to seek needs beyond attractiveness until they reach either a certain age or stage in life. They will usually go for the looks and hope that the other aspects and personality traits are beautiful as well. IMO it's backwards thinking, but nature doesn't care what I think[.
I do.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #58 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 03:15 PM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
So you e got yourself a gorgeous, mentally hard to deal with wife that wants no sex.

I'm seeing your problem.....

Hard to pull the trigger.....,
Did I mention nice six figure income 😀

There is a baseline of physical attraction but a 5 should be fine. With a little bit of work a 5 can be made into better, just like OP.

If she wants to do it for herself, it's great. If she's interested in staying a 5, that's not as good.

To a great extent it's attitude more than raw score.
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post #59 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 03:26 PM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

I'm currently separated from my husband. He told me that he's "less attracted to me" since I've gained weight after 2 children (one of whom is still breastfeeding). To be clear when we married 13 years ago I was a size 8 and now I am a size 12, so we are not talking like I went from a size 2 to a size 28. I wasn't stick thin then and I am not huge now (I am tall). He's backpeddling on that statement now but thanks to that among many factors I can't ever see myself in a relationship with him again. I AM losing weight (counting calories, lifting weights, running), but I would never want someone who wanted me contingent on me getting back to my fighting weight. I would never want to be with someone who found me BARELY MINIMALLY attractive. I would far rather find someone who adores me at my current "plump" weight and then pleasantly surprise them by losing weight. I am cringing thinking of you getting with this poor girl and being secretly disgusted by her every time she eats a cookie. Do her a favor and don't pursue a relationship with her. Let her find a man who thinks she is a goddess.

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post #60 of 83 (permalink) Old 04-30-2017, 04:10 PM
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Re: Girl I Am Compatible With is a 5...Worth it?

Got to agree with She'sStillGotIt here, dude. If you're such a player with all these amazing flings in the short 2 months you've been single, you'll have no problems finding a 25-30 year old 8-9 who you'll click with and deserves you.
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