Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates? - Page 13 - Talk About Marriage
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post #181 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 04:54 AM
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Re: Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

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Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
For the sake of argument does it matter how expensive these dates are and does that affect how each side feels regarding who pays?
It does and doesn't. On the one hand, an inexpensive date does not make me say, gee I think I will just let him pay. But an expensive date definitely makes it more directly on my mind.
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post #182 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 05:16 AM
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Re: Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

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For the sake of argument does it matter how expensive these dates are and does that affect how each side feels regarding who pays?
I prefer that men decide what the dates will be, so how expensive they are or aren't is totally up to them.
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post #183 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 07:46 AM
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Re: Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

Meh, whatever the cost I just swipe my card and don't even think about it. I hate having to calculate or split bills or whatever. With mates it's the same.

All this equality BS, meh. Just out for a good time right?
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post #184 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 08:22 AM
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Re: Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

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Meh, whatever the cost I just swipe my card and don't even think about it. I hate having to calculate or split bills or whatever. With mates it's the same.

All this equality BS, meh. Just out for a good time right?
I HOPE I have vetted all my dates well enough before going out to know that there is no quid pro quo about paying = other things that they feel that they have purchased with that dinner or whatever. But knowing I am more than willing to whip out my card helps with that little niggling question. I always pay with friends and groups and stuff. A fool and her money , indeed. But I have a similar opinion. We are out having fun. My turn! Though I don't know anyone who does not also say my turn as well.
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post #185 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 08:26 AM
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Re: Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

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Are you seriously still all debating who should pay? Can I buy everybody a round of drinks so we can talk about something else? 🥂


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How long do you think we should talk about it?

Also, I don't think one should concentrate on who pays for the first date but to think about what one is willing to pay for and at what point in the relationship cycle.

For example, if you wanted to date a single parent, are you prepared to pay for some or all the babysitting fees?

Have you ever offered to pay for babysitting with one person but then flatly avoided the issue with another? What made the difference in either situation?

The same for transportation. Are you consistent on the issue of how your date meets you or do you offer to pick them up or pay for their taxi or do you just say "see you there."?
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post #186 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 09:25 AM
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NextTimeAround, the waitress deciding to split the bill by what we each ordered happened to be at an Applebee's!! Funny because the usual places he would order so much more than me were high end local restaurants. It was the one and only time we were at that Applebee's (or any Applebee's actually), we were out doing errands together and it was close. He had no comment or reaction to the situation. Kind of like pretending it didn't happen.
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post #187 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 09:28 AM
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Re: Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

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NextTimeAround, the waitress deciding to split the bill by what we each ordered happened to be at an Applebee's!! Funny because the usual places he would order so much more than me were high end local restaurants. It was the one and only time we were at that Applebee's (or any Applebee's actually), we were out doing errands together and it was close. He had no comment or reaction to the situation. Kind of like pretending it didn't happen.
did a light bulb finally turn on after that incident? or did you need other events to make realise that he was being unreasonable with you?
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post #188 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 09:29 AM
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Are you seriously still all debating who should pay? Can I buy everybody a round of drinks so we can talk about something else? 🥂


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Yes we are. Maybe the topic is not relevant to your life, but to some it is. I recall you having a really long thread recently about a situation of yours and no one chimed in with, "are you all still seriously debating it."
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post #189 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 09:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Livvie View Post
NextTimeAround, the waitress deciding to split the bill by what we each ordered happened to be at an Applebee's!! Funny because the usual places he would order so much more than me were high end local restaurants. It was the one and only time we were at that Applebee's (or any Applebee's actually), we were out doing errands together and it was close. He had no comment or reaction to the situation. Kind of like pretending it didn't happen.
did a light bulb finally turn on after that incident? or did you need other events to make realise that he was being unreasonable with you?
It wasn't then, but at a freaking pub. I had ordered food that was less than $20 total. He had ordered multiple drinks, two seafood app specials and a meal special and the bill came to about $100. He wanted to split it, once again. I struggle to limit my spending and what I can order and have myself, so I can pay my ****ing mortgage. No way was I going to pay for him once again... living frugally and denying myself things I wanted... and having never been treated by him!!! It was the last straw. I think my reply to him was oh my God, no way. He had the nerve to get pissed that I didn't want to split the bill. I stood up for myself and said I had been paying entirely for myself and also for part of his meal *every time* we had gone out and that I could not and didn't want to do that anymore.
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post #190 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 09:43 AM
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Re: Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

@Livvie, so when it comes to the costs of dates, what rules /boundaries have you set up for yourself that you can live with even in the face of someone disapproving them.
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post #191 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 10:06 AM
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@Livvie, so when it comes to the costs of dates, what rules /boundaries have you set up for yourself that you can live with even in the face of someone disapproving them.
I don't want to let my baggage about someone having taken advantage of me color my future. After all, I accepted it for as long as I did. But now I'm aware that there are men who will be fine doing this. If I feel that I'm consistently paying more than my fair share, I will feel fine speaking up and explaining that that lopsided dynamic doesn't work for me, that I'm not wired to be more of the financial provider, and my finances cannot support that scenario either.

If a date was someone who wanted to treat me to something, after all of the years I spent not experiencing this kind of care, I'd probably melt.

I'm aware of friends who go on dates and have men treat all of the time It makes me feel "less than" and a little sad that I haven't gotten to feel special in this way, and that for many women it's pretty common place.
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post #192 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 10:27 AM
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Re: Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

The fist guy my sister dated after her divorce, she complained that he was cheap. When they went out, everything was 50/50. Ok, fair enough for you feminist men.

But I do recall we were at a bar waiting for him to come. my sister said, let's hurry up and close this tab because he's known to order a drink and just walk away.
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post #193 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 11:17 AM
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Re: Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

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I HOPE I have vetted all my dates well enough before going out to know that there is no quid pro quo about paying = other things that they feel that they have purchased with that dinner or whatever. But knowing I am more than willing to whip out my card helps with that little niggling question. I always pay with friends and groups and stuff. A fool and her money , indeed. But I have a similar opinion. We are out having fun. My turn! Though I don't know anyone who does not also say my turn as well.
Reading on other places online, it seems that a lot 20 somethings are committed to paying for themselves because they worry as well that the guy will expect sex afterwards.

I have never encountered that kind of scenario. What I suspect is that these 20somethings probably think nothing of going to a guy's place at the end of that date...... and then they are appalled that their date assumed that sex was at some point during the ride to his place put on the evening's menu.

Of course, you can't tell these women anything. It's kind of like when a patient tells the doctor "everytime my right index finger touches a point on my body, it hurts. what's wrong with those places?" It turns out that problem was in the right index finger.

People should understand the power of non verbal communication instead of thinking that they are immune to it.
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post #194 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 12:00 PM
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Re: Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

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Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
Reading on other places online, it seems that a lot 20 somethings are committed to paying for themselves because they worry as well that the guy will expect sex afterwards.

I have never encountered that kind of scenario. What I suspect is that these 20somethings probably think nothing of going to a guy's place at the end of that date...... and then they are appalled that their date assumed that sex was at some point during the ride to his place put on the evening's menu.
It's pretty awful that your default position is "they were asking for it," just because you've never encountered that scenario.

I haven't dated since my 20's but this line of thinking was really, really common among men when I was dating. Not at a house, at a restaurant or a pub and then getting aggressive when you rejected their attempt to get you to go to a house. A lot of the time being flat out pushy with supplying alcohol to get those inhibitions lowered so that the "logic" of "I paid for your meal, so you owe me" sounds more plausible. I believe as well that it would happen far more to those who are somewhat "new" to dating rather than people who have been around the block a few times.

Me, I always split the first date. Second date was up to whomever initiated it and then the third date was whoever didn't pay the last time and never really thought about it. I do the same with my friends though and I don't hang out with people who would take advantage of such a situation.

That's a real one in your reflection. Without a follow, without a mention.
You really pipin' up on these-. You gotta be nice for what to these-?
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post #195 of 215 (permalink) Old 04-03-2018, 12:01 PM
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Re: Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

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Originally Posted by NobodySpecial View Post
I HOPE I have vetted all my dates well enough before going out to know that there is no quid pro quo about paying = other things that they feel that they have purchased with that dinner or whatever. But knowing I am more than willing to whip out my card helps with that little niggling question. I always pay with friends and groups and stuff. A fool and her money , indeed. But I have a similar opinion. We are out having fun. My turn! Though I don't know anyone who does not also say my turn as well.
Heh over here it's "my shout"

I still remember some family dinners as a child where everyone was busy at the end counting and calculating everything. What a sour note to end on! Just swipe it already! Bah!

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Reading on other places online, it seems that a lot 20 somethings are committed to paying for themselves because they worry as well that the guy will expect sex afterwards.
Haha well they can try, if they are fast enough

Too bad I draw my card out like a cowboy!
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