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post #46 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-09-2018, 08:15 PM
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Re: I donít understand men

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Yes! This is what hurt my feelings, and I know thatís dumb and immature of me but itís how I feel. Normally I have the opposite problem... guys usually love my personality and think Iím wife material but donít find me attractive. So for this to be the opposite is weird to me. Itís more hurtful for some reason.
Thats just people being nice. How old are you? If you are wife material, wouldn't you be scooped up by now? I'm not trying to be mean, but this is a question you need to ask yourself.

I disagree that if you find fault in yourself that is a bad thing. I'm not seeing signs of low self esteem in posts like this one I'm quoting or saying stuff like "I was out of that guy's league in the looks department."

Also, in terms of looks, no I've not seen a girl who is out of my league ever. I don't think they exist at all. In fact, ive never considered anyone out of my league for any reason. I might not be someone's type, but that has nothing to do with being out of their league. Last time i checked, we all breathe oxygen, need food and water, leave skidmarks in the toilet, and have all sorts of faults as humans.

Perhaps you place others or yourself on pedestals at times. Even if you don't realize you are doing it, its easy for others to pick up on. Pretty big red flag for any mature person looking for a serious relationship.

If my devils are to leave me, I'm afraid my angels will take flight as well.
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post #47 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-09-2018, 08:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I donít understand men

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Thats just people being nice. How old are you? If you are wife material, wouldn't you be scooped up by now? I'm not trying to be mean, but this is a question you need to ask yourself.



I disagree that if you find fault in yourself that is a bad thing. I'm not seeing signs of low self esteem in posts like this one I'm quoting or saying stuff like "I was out of that guy's league in the looks department."



Also, in terms of looks, no I've not seen a girl who is out of my league ever. I don't think they exist at all. In fact, ive never considered anyone out of my league for any reason. I might not be someone's type, but that has nothing to do with being out of their league. Last time i checked, we all breathe oxygen, need food and water, leave skidmarks in the toilet, and have all sorts of faults as humans.



Perhaps you place others or yourself on pedestals at times. Even if you don't realize you are doing it, its easy for others to pick up on. Pretty big red flag for any mature person looking for a serious relationship.


Im in my 30s and recently divorced. Yea maybe I do place people on pedestals... didnít realize that was a big deal.
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post #48 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-09-2018, 08:29 PM
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Re: I donít understand men

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I disagree that if you find fault in yourself that is a bad thing. I'm not seeing signs of low self esteem in posts like this one I'm quoting or saying stuff like "I was out of that guy's league in the looks department."



I wouldnít get so hung up on that sentence. Once you had your self esteem shattered by someone, thatís not an unusual kind of thing to say, given the context.



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post #49 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-09-2018, 08:55 PM
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Re: I donít understand men

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I wouldnít get so hung up on that sentence. Once you had your self esteem shattered by someone, thatís not an unusual kind of thing to say, given the context.



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Its telling on mindset imo. You are more focused on what you have to offer then who and what you are as a person. That is the pedestal I'm talking about. If you think this way, you are doing one of two things... That is conveying that you are better because xyz, or they are better because xyz. Either way, the partner is going to feel like you think you are superior, or that the other thinks you are superior thus putting pressure on them to live up to that.

Everyone is equal. Not everyone is equally matched. If you think that way, not only does it weed out those who aren't a good match, but it also puts those who are potentially a good match in a position that allows them to just be themselves. Its not about who offers what, its about if you are a good fit. Using pedestals never works. You may thwart those who aren't a good match for you, but you also thwart potential good matches for you this way.

Drop that thought process is my advice.

If my devils are to leave me, I'm afraid my angels will take flight as well.
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post #50 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-10-2018, 08:41 AM
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Re: I donít understand men

@Girl_power
Donít feel bad Iím still trying to figure out men!!
I had a conversation a month ago with a guy that I dated years back- I ended the convo with- glad to hear your doing well, keep in touch. His response was- Do you still miss my big ****?
Well lol honestly I did, but the point Iím going with is that nothing came about it. To me why even ask if your not going to make good on it?
Yea- so when you figure them out could you let me know too 😜

Good luck to you!
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post #51 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-10-2018, 09:20 AM
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Re: I donít understand men

Men usually do exactly what they want to do, and women make it more complicated.

If a man wants to spend time with you, he'll ask.

If he wants to have sex with you, he'll ask.

If he wants a relationship with you, he'll ask.

If he wants to marry you, he'll ask.

So, the person to be in charge of is you.

You're plugging along, creating a great life for yourself, and all you have to do is respond to his interest in a way that aligns with your values and standards.

If you find yourself trying to sort him out or manipulate situations in order to get specific outcomes, then his genuine interest probably isn't part of the equation.
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post #52 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-10-2018, 10:04 AM
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Re: I donít understand men

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If he wants to have sex with you, he'll ask.
All true. And with this bit (not really worth mentioning perhaps); with sex, he will ask a few times and if he continuously doesn't get it, he will most likely sulk.
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post #53 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-10-2018, 10:08 AM
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Re: I donít understand men

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@Girl_power
Donít feel bad Iím still trying to figure out men!!
I had a conversation a month ago with a guy that I dated years back- I ended the convo with- glad to hear your doing well, keep in touch. His response was- Do you still miss my big ****?
Well lol honestly I did, but the point Iím going with is that nothing came about it. To me why even ask if your not going to make good on it?
Yea- so when you figure them out could you let me know too 😜

Good luck to you!
That one is really not that difficult actually: any chance to have a ****-compliment ("dickliment", is the Latin name for this disorder), is all that matters to our self esteem
But there's a place and time for this. Did you not find it quite a rude and inappropriate thing to say? (Especially if you are currently with anybody).
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post #54 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-10-2018, 10:18 AM
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Re: I donít understand men

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Originally Posted by minimalME View Post
Men usually do exactly what they want to do, and women make it more complicated.

If a man wants to spend time with you, he'll ask.

If he wants to have sex with you, he'll ask.

If he wants a relationship with you, he'll ask.

If he wants to marry you, he'll ask.

So, the person to be in charge of is you.

You're plugging along, creating a great life for yourself, and all you have to do is respond to his interest in a way that aligns with your values and standards.

If you find yourself trying to sort him out or manipulate situations in order to get specific outcomes, then his genuine interest probably isn't part of the equation.
Ok so what do you do when they want sex see message to girl_power and then donít make good on it? Lol
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post #55 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-10-2018, 10:26 AM
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Re: I donít understand men

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Ok so what do you do when they want sex see message to girl_power and then don’t make good on it? Lol
You can ignore him or think of something clever to say, but it really doesn't matter. Those types of texts are purely an ego thing. He just wants attention. Doesn't have anything to do with the person he's contacted.
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post #56 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-10-2018, 10:29 AM
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Re: I donít understand men

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Ok so what do you do when they want sex see message to girl_power and then donít make good on it? Lol
How did you respond? Is the crucial part.
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post #57 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-10-2018, 10:44 AM
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Re: I donít understand men

I responded with absolutely! Cause we did have good chemistry. So then he replied stating that some things needed attention. So I told him that we needed to get together. And crickets. If it was just for attention then why all that?
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post #58 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-10-2018, 10:48 AM
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Re: I donít understand men

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I responded with absolutely! Cause we did have good chemistry. So then he replied stating that some things needed attention. So I told him that we needed to get together. And crickets. If it was just for attention then why all that?
Then maybe he is with someone and perhaps realised he was being inappropriate.
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post #59 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-10-2018, 10:52 AM
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Re: I donít understand men

Possibility
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post #60 of 96 (permalink) Old 10-10-2018, 11:05 AM
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Re: I donít understand men

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Ok so what do you do when they want sex see message to girl_power and then donít make good on it? Lol
Sounds like he just wanted his ego stroked.
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