How many of you men out there in a relationship are told no to your sexual advances? I'm not wondering about the times when its real or relevant like when someone is sick or something. I am talking about when it just makes no sense, like the desire is not there. I have described my situation in other posts but I will give a quick overview here for background on the question. I get a yes from her about 7 out of 10 times I initiate. When she says no this starts a spiral of fighting for us most times but i digress. I am wondering how common this is for men on TAM? I wonder if some people have relationships where the desire is mutual and they never experience this type of dynamic at all or if this is just a common thing I am experiencing very late in life (I am almost 40)?
There really is no "no" in our intimate relationship. We recognize sharing intimate affection as a responsibility to our partner, and not merely something to do if we spontaneously have the desire. Our bodies are shared property, so a "no" would be holding back what already belongs to the other person, or in fact an injustice. We share our bodies completely freely, and have great happiness, trust, and closeness this way. We are one flesh, not two.
We also view the whole of our relationship as a matter of our responsibilities and not just a matter of our personal desires, so we do out best to fulfill our responsibilities to the other. We want to do our job. As my wife is a submissive partner, she doesn't responds to me with a "no" in general anyway, but with a constant "yes," with the natural exception of if I were to ask her to do something evil. It is a fruitful and harmonious partnership. My wife and I are one.
You can almost be guaranteed, by the way, that when one partner is withholding from the other, that there will be friction in the relationship. There will grow bad attitudes. There will be bitterness, resentment, anger, and coldness. Over time, this can build up to a very hard heart and lack of love. I truly feel sorry for marriages that experience this, especially in the long term. There is great peace and delight in sharing affection freely.