How to sustain physical attraction in LTR - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

User Tag List

 66Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 56 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 12:48 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Southeast
Posts: 4,071
Re: How to sustain physical attraction in LTR

I do think there's a big difference between:

Negative communication
Positive communication
Communcation in a way that's purely problem solving and should be as such, no indictments but mutually accepted "well, next time it may be best that...."

And celebratory discussions, successes should be topics too. Not "look at me/us/you" self centered etc, but at the end of a process or tough slog it's good to take a breather.

The big kicker for me, is if a talk takes an "everything" negative description and no solutions offered I'll offer one, and at some point just say ok, but be mentally tuned out.

The negativity thing can be a primary gap creator for me.

I'll fix on my own if needed, one way or another. I kind if realize this may be a communication weakness on my part but a negative approach turns me off pretty quickly.

Doesn't help the day's closeness factor, if you will.

Who knows.
Ragnar Ragnasson is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 56 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 04:21 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 132
Re: How to sustain physical attraction in LTR

Turn off: Not being someone who has grace under pressure. Not being able to handle your sh!t if you have a cold, if somebody cuts you off in traffic, if one of the kids spills their cereal on the floor, if a neighbor walks across our lawn, if I don't get ALL the grass clippings off the patio, if I wanna visit my sick mom two hours away. I got engaged to my wife pretty quickly, and her hangups about petty bullsh!t are something I didn't realize, and it's freaking me out more and more (two years married), and causing me to occasionally back away with a beeping sound. Not hot!

Turn on: This might sound dumb, but as the world shifts away from voice communication and relies more on typing, I LOVE my wife's general attention to the written word. She's a serious grammarian but deploys it with the subtlety of a surgeon. I just absolutely love it when we pick up on the nuances of our wordplay with each other. Totally and completely hot! I was reminded of it a few days ago when I got an email from my EW that was just a total word vomit, like a [email protected] middle schooler, and she's a tenured professor! I can't believe I was married to that.
Average Joe is offline  
post #48 of 56 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 08:45 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Texas !!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 1,764
@Girl_power

Since you mentioned long term physical attractions I am guessing you mean also sexual attraction. I read a book a number of years ago that may or may not apply to what your asking.

Mating in Captivity

If nothing else, it is an interesting read.
Mr.Married is offline  
post #49 of 56 (permalink) Old 06-14-2019, 02:33 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 132
Re: How to sustain physical attraction in LTR

So, this happened last night ...

Wanting to know why I didn't want sexy time?

If you insist on a naked, deep-tissue massage, like we usually do ... you on your stomach, me on top ... geez ... make sure you're clean. Especially after a hot summer day. I don't know if I can ever un-smell that.

The last time I told my W she smelled bad (and THAT was just general B.O. ... NOT what we had last night) she didn't talk to me for a week. And I had followed TAM's advice ... "Hmmm ... you're a little bit ripe ... how 'bout we take a quick shower?" Nope. I'm the @sshole.

I don't want to touch this issue (and this booty) with a ten-foot pole.

COME ON.
Average Joe is offline  
post #50 of 56 (permalink) Old 06-14-2019, 03:43 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Southeast
Posts: 4,071
Re: How to sustain physical attraction in LTR

Well, I'd have to agree with you.

I wonder why she was so insistent she smelled good. And hostile.

Usually a yes / no kind of thing.
Ragnar Ragnasson is offline  
post #51 of 56 (permalink) Old 06-14-2019, 03:54 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 2,509
Re: How to sustain physical attraction in LTR

Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
This is interesting to me because in my experience it seems a lot of men are hyper sensitive and think they are being “yelled” at, or that their significant other is being critical when in reality they are just being blunt and honest.

My dad and boyfriend do this all the time. My dad will be like your mother yelled at me for... x,y,z and my mom has never yelled in her life... she may have gotten upset but she didn’t yell. And the same thing for my boyfriend which is something we laugh about now Bc he said a couple times that I yelled at him which I never raised my voice ever... when I brought it up to him he was like yea your right you have never raised your voice at me now that I think about it. And there are times when he complains about his ex gf about how she yelled at him all the time and I had to stop him and be like did she really yell or was she just upset?
Everyone can be sensitive. I don't think I am more or less sensitive than anyone else.

My point is that, if you want to talk, make it a talk. Don't say snarky things, not that F does that, but sometimes it does happen.

I just believe that starting a talk out the right way is really important. Like, the standard, "is this a good time to talk about something?", or something along those lines.

And the other thing about yelling... Turns out that if you come from a "Loud" family in general, including actual yelling or just louder animated discussions... And your SO comes from a family that never ever raised their voice... Then to them, you are yelling.

I actually have a Loud booming voice, even for a guy. Comes from being a singer, a life long musician, and a certain amount of hearing loss. Bottom line is I am loud.

I don't know if that is anything like your situation but something to keep in mind...
BluesPower is offline  
post #52 of 56 (permalink) Old 06-15-2019, 03:28 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,894
Re: How to sustain physical attraction in LTR

Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
Men what are some things that help sustain your attraction to your partner, and what are some things that kill your attraction for her?

I’m asking because I feel like I have a second chance (I’m divorced) to make this relationship better than my first. When I was married... I saw my ex search engine and he googled “I am no longer attracted to my wife” and it killed me. But physically I didn’t change, no weight gain, no hair/makeup/outfit changes. So I know attraction is behind physical... so please tell me what helps and hurts.
My 2 cents.

Having confidence, a good self-image of your body and yourself.

Making your significant other feel loved, cherished, and sexually desired.

Playing together in bed and when you have your clothes on. This includes laughing and not taking things too seriously.

Learning when you need to give your SO space to think, to emotionally cool down, or to reflect.

Making your SO feel they are worthwhile and needed by you.

It is not so much about you body or how you look in a bikini. Our biggest sex organ is between our ears, not our legs. Stimulate your partner's biggest sex organ.

Good Luck.
Young at Heart is offline  
post #53 of 56 (permalink) Old 06-18-2019, 05:05 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,242
Re: How to sustain physical attraction in LTR

Quote:
Originally Posted by Average Joe View Post
So, this happened last night ...



Wanting to know why I didn't want sexy time?



If you insist on a naked, deep-tissue massage, like we usually do ... you on your stomach, me on top ... geez ... make sure you're clean. Especially after a hot summer day. I don't know if I can ever un-smell that.



The last time I told my W she smelled bad (and THAT was just general B.O. ... NOT what we had last night) she didn't talk to me for a week. And I had followed TAM's advice ... "Hmmm ... you're a little bit ripe ... how 'bout we take a quick shower?" Nope. I'm the @sshole.



I don't want to touch this issue (and this booty) with a ten-foot pole.



COME ON.


Listen I had anal sex yesterday and literally pooped on my bfs ****... stuff happens lol.
Girl_power is online now  
post #54 of 56 (permalink) Old 06-18-2019, 07:05 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 733
Re: How to sustain physical attraction in LTR

Quote:
Originally Posted by BluesPower View Post
Everyone can be sensitive. I don't think I am more or less sensitive than anyone else.

My point is that, if you want to talk, make it a talk. Don't say snarky things, not that F does that, but sometimes it does happen.

I just believe that starting a talk out the right way is really important. Like, the standard, "is this a good time to talk about something?", or something along those lines.

And the other thing about yelling... Turns out that if you come from a "Loud" family in general, including actual yelling or just louder animated discussions... And your SO comes from a family that never ever raised their voice... Then to them, you are yelling.

I actually have a Loud booming voice, even for a guy. Comes from being a singer, a life long musician, and a certain amount of hearing loss. Bottom line is I am loud.

I don't know if that is anything like your situation but something to keep in mind...
except sensitivity nowadays is so over the top outrageous its ruining peoples lives.

I mean if you dare to disagree with some posters viewpoints around here they get all sensitive, offended and personal attacks come next.
x598 is offline  
post #55 of 56 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 10:19 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 132
Re: How to sustain physical attraction in LTR

Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
Listen I had anal sex yesterday and literally pooped on my bfs ****... stuff happens lol.
Agreed. THAT's just part of the territory, and we're always prepared.

In other circumstances, "hey, not smelling so good down here" won't go over well.
Average Joe is offline  
post #56 of 56 (permalink) Old 06-20-2019, 11:08 PM
Ric
Registered User
 
Ric's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 9
Re: How to sustain physical attraction in LTR

It's about attitude - both of you. To love, encourage, and serve. I've been married for 38 years and we are still attracted to each other. Our glory years have passed us by - at least in terms of looks.
Ric is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
When circumstances affect attraction... Bored&annoyed Sex in Marriage 40 02-07-2018 03:16 PM
If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction jld The Men's Clubhouse 30 12-26-2016 09:58 PM
Confused - No attraction starsgoalie48 Going Through Divorce or Separation 0 04-25-2016 05:25 AM
Reaction during Physical and emotional Affairs bharatshah1941 General Relationship Discussion 11 12-21-2015 03:47 AM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome