I been divorced for two years now, and recently I started to date this girl. She is pretty sweet and friendly, but I noticed recently she started to show her other side. When she gets upset she completely shut down, and make rude comments. Her attitude changes completely and is very hard to talk to her.
For example, the other day she wanted to go to a restaurant, but I was driving my children back to their mother's house. I explained to her my current situation, and she got upset. She told me I ignore her when she wants something, and how I don't care about her feelings. Dude !! I am driving wtf
We have gone out several times, and she is always expect me to cover the tab. I really don't mind, but after my divorce I was in bad shape financially, and I have worked very hard to bring this situation under control. So yes, once In a while I would love if at least she can split half with me, but nope she does not even offer. If I don't pay, we do not go out.
During the weekends I have asked her to meet with me and we can walk in the park, and spend some time together with my children, but she always say she is tired of does not feel ok and wants to stay home. I don't mind, but then she texts me every 20 minutes "I miss you darling" or "babe what you doing?". Honestly, if you miss me then why you are not here? I get it if she does not want to interact with my children, but the other day she commented about the type of people that goes to that park, and how she prefers parks in other areas. Hey, is all good with me, but again I am trying to build and spend some time with you, and if we do not go to the park where the nice wealthy people hang, then you do not want to go out.
what y'all think?
We all suck at fighting fair. Communication is so hard when we all come from different backgrounds which shapes how we react to things.
My husband used to completely shut down when we would argue until I learned how to talk to him/how he needs to be talked to in order to create a conducive environment for moving past our fight. Have you tried acknowledging that she is mad and asking why she is upset? She sounds like someone who is so used to not being "heard" that she just bottles it up. My husband used to do the same rude comments as well. This suggestion is really hard
and may not be appropriate for your relationship, but ive had success saying things like "I love you and just want to understand how you feel and why" or suggesting to table the conversation for 5 minutes so we can collect our thoughts.
Your example about her being upset about not being available the second she wanted to go out to each seems really immature or like she cannot understand that you do have other commitments aside from her. Have you thought about trying to bring up that argument to ask how she would have wanted you to respond in a perfect world? Maybe that will give you some insight and allow the two of you to discuss some important topics and set realistic expectations. The financial stuff would be smart to bring up as well. Many women expect the dates to be paid for by the man, but if this is a serious thing then you should be open with her about finances. If she is a reasonable person she should understand you do not have endless funds and would either want to go out less or offer to help.
Lastly, the dog part thing would be confusing to me too. And its hilarious because my husband (back when we were dating) would do the same thing! Text me saying he misses me, but would choose to be at his place. Weird. I don't get it, but some people really enjoy their space but still miss you. I don't think I will ever understand that but apparently its a thing. Why not tell her you are just trying to figure out ways to spend time with her and ask what she likes?
I am leaning towards thinking she is very immature...