Is it your job to make your SO orgasm? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-19-2019, 09:46 PM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
It would be good if more women were willing / able to communicate what the wanted to their partners.
That would be great, barring that a firm ďNo, I donít like that, youíre doing it wrongĒ is helpful, shutting down is not.




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post #32 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 12:10 AM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

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I I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do.
It seems like men are trying to manage or figure out what makes their wife orgasm instead of the women taking a more active role in her own pleasure.
My wife, in a nutshell. It sucks.

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post #33 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 12:19 AM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

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I understand what your saying but letís be honest if you couldnít ever have a orgasm you wouldnít be having sex.
My wife almost never orgasms, regardless of how long or how much effort. I can orgasm almost every time. Yet she would probably be willing to have sex more if I would push things, whereas I really don't want to. It's just not good for either of us, and since I'm essentially in control of it and she refuses to speak up, I elect to forego.

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post #34 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 06:18 AM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

Speaking as a woman, it's not his job, it's his privilege.
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post #35 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 06:35 AM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

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If she canít first... do you try after your orgasm? Or not as much.
On the rare times I happen to "go first" I go with the flow of things still and make sure she finishes too.

I'd like to think it's solely because I'm a considerate lover, caring, etc, and I am but, I'd be fibbing if I didn't say there was a little but of pride involved too.

Mix those up and I can say I'm always a "team player".

There are times when she says "we've got a minute, quick, do me hard and fast" and for those times I'm there to accommodate, she set the parameters.

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post #36 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 07:01 AM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

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There is probably some truth to that. It would be good if more women were willing / able to communicate what the wanted to their partners. Its certainly frustrating to me when I ask my wife what she would like and she responds with "you know what I like". In general I sort of do, but it varies and I'd like to do what she wants *now*.
Plus sometimes it's hotter when she just TELLS you.
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post #37 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 07:06 AM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
I I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do.
It seems like men are trying to manage or figure out what makes their wife orgasm instead of the women taking a more active role in her own pleasure.
This is a shame, but probably true more often than not. How can you be an active part in sex if you don't understand your own body, how it works? what is pleasurable for you?
I'll admit that a partner can you help you find those "secret corners" that you never knew existed, that's what makes it fun and pleasurable and can then be added to your self-knowledge. The really fun part is doing the discovering together.
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post #38 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 07:08 AM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

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My wife almost never orgasms, regardless of how long or how much effort. I can orgasm almost every time. Yet she would probably be willing to have sex more if I would push things, whereas I really don't want to. It's just not good for either of us, and since I'm essentially in control of it and she refuses to speak up, I elect to forego.
If you are curious to find out more, there are several people on this forum who can give you some suggestions, reading or audiobooks.
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post #39 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 08:07 AM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
I I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do.
It seems like men are trying to manage or figure out what makes their wife orgasm instead of the women taking a more active role in her own pleasure.
This to me has been observed to be true and from other sources, articles, talks, it is reinforced as a "truism" at least to me.

Up to points in some womens lives they start enjoying an active even aggressive role, certainly a full participant role

but

some women never ever make that turn, and continue to play the role of "I'm giving good sex just by letting him touch me all over and moving into a few positions, so I'm sure he's having a good time, while just laying there or moving into a position and staying there".

She thinks it's an honor for him to just to be able to touch her, so she's "doing her part, it's got to be great for him, just to get to see her naked is all she needs to do".

Then however it goes "is all his part, fault, responsibility" and if it's bad sex, "it's all him, I did my part by laying there".

And those women miss out greatly in having great physical relationships in an overall relationship.

I'm surely not saying men can't be horrible lovers, or even similar happenings, but @Girl_power that was a great summary you gave.
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post #40 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 08:40 AM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
I I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do.
It seems like men are trying to manage or figure out what makes their wife orgasm instead of the women taking a more active role in her own pleasure.
There are a lot of "taught" concepts that wind up making for a repressed population. it's not just rethinking the lessons, but almost restructuring society that is needed to correct it. I cringe whenever someone says "the man/woman is supposed to . . . . ." usually followed by insisting on the behavior that is causing the problem.
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post #41 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 08:54 AM Thread Starter
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Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

I think itís a generational thing as well. Girls were taught to save themselves or be picky who they LET sleep with them. And the man has to prove himself worthy before he gets the opportunity. And it shows in the Disney movies and fairy tales we grew up watching where the princess needed to be saved, and she was usually pure and docile and the prince was the active one who knew what he was Doing and had to be put through the ringer before he won his prince which was the princess. It was always the same, pure passive women was the price and the man had to be strong and honorable and jump through hoops to win her or get respect or something.

The new generation of women are way different. Women are taking more control and being more active I believe sexually. And the fairy tales are way different, frozen, the frog princess (I canít think of the others). They are no longer sleeping or waiting for the prince to save them.


And funny enough, I hear the new generation is having less sex than their parents did.
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post #42 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 09:35 AM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
They are no longer sleeping or waiting for the prince to save them.
I always thought my wifeís premarital promiscuity was a good thing. TAM seems to confirm that. Not sure how much itís generational, sheís 57, or societal, she grew up outside the US.




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post #43 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 12:01 PM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

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Originally Posted by notmyjamie View Post
Speaking as a woman, it's not his job, it's his privilege.
In all seriousness, you canít ďmakeĒ anybody orgasm.

Itís an internal thing. You can help, you can facilitate, you can do all kinds of things... but I donít think you can force it.

This isnít a video game where sheer skill beats the end boss. Itís a team sport where hopefully youíre on the same side.

Everybodyís orgasms are their own problem. Iím happy to help, but at the same time Iím not going to make it my success criteria if she has one. Iím happy to work for a very long time to help her along... but if she doesnít want one or itís not going to happen, then I just let it go.

Just like itís not my job to reverse engineer her sexual response cycle with no feedback to Ďgiveí her an orgasm while she lays there saying nothing. I canít see into her soul or read her mind. If she wants something different, sheís going to have to make that known. Then, Iím happy to do that in general. But itís her job to understand her sexuality, not mine.

Same goes with the roles reversed I think.
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post #44 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 12:21 PM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

Not a man, but I would say that, yes, he really ought to stay awake and engaged long enough for me to O too. Failure in this regard will result in him being poked.
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post #45 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 01:40 PM
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Re: Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?

My wife will usually have multiply Os in a session so usually, by the time I have mine, we are both done. However, there have been times when I finished and she will still be wanting, "just one more." At that point I am usually physically drained so I will perform oral on her to make sure she gets all she wants. I don't want to leave her wanting and I just enjoy serving her.
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