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Belly Full, Empty Balls Rule

21K views 165 replies 47 participants last post by  BigbadBootyDaddy 
#1 ·
@BigbadBootyDaddy posted on another thread that 90 % of men only need their partners to keep their belly's full and their balls to be empty to be content in the relationship. The 10% outliers are insignificant.

What say you men of TAM? Are you within the 90% who only care about sec and food, or the 10% who need "more" to be happy in a relationship?
 
#57 ·
I'll bet the answer for many of us is that we want from our wives what we give them. In my case, what I would die for would be for my wife to come up to me and kiss my forehead, say something nice, stroke my arm, rub my shoulders and most of all, never act like she's bothered by my attempts to connect.

This kind of illustrates the point of the 5 Love Languages, because what I value isn't necessarily what she values. What the 5 Love Languages does a poor job at is explaining how to deal with the rejection that comes from your wife not responding the way the book says she should. What then?
 
#58 ·
Heh, that was from my thread lol. For me, the whole point of my thread is that I am NOT sexually content merely to have my balls emptied. I NEED a strong emotional connection from her thru sex and I WANT passion & enthusiasm.

So maybe the above is necessary, but not sufficient.
 
#61 ·
I don't think passion & even enthusiasm have to manifest themselves as "adventurous" sex. Some of us may want soft, kind, touching, emotional sex. I think where that runs into trouble is when one or the other partner is susceptible to boredom. The funny thing is that those susceptible to "boredom" are not always those you would think. My wife would come across to most as being very unadventurous and conservative, and yet she is frequently reminding me of her boredom, and she seeks pleasure through on-line card games. Which, I'm beginning to see, very closely parallels addiction to porn in its potentially dangerous effect on the brain and relationships.

So... bring this back on-topic... I want from my partner, my wife, the woman I love... I want an elegant simplicity and intimacy in sex. I'm OK with the adventurous, I'd really like it in fact, *if* it didn't have to become something rated as a "ok, that worked" but 95% of the time doesn't hit the mark. Sex doesn't alway have to hit the mark, but at least 90% of the time I'd like it to be something where she feels closer to me, and I feel closer to her, and that alone makes it worthwhile.
 
#62 ·
Its always so nice to see that there are more to the TAM guys than belly full.....balls empty. However, I think that TAM guys are not representative of the wider population of men, I think if they are on here and posting and reading they tend to be more emotionally mature and have a good deal of self awareness. They tend to be "thinkers and feelers" rather than just "doers". They also seem to be generally quite intelligent.

Unfortunately I am married to a "doer" who actually rated our marriage a 5/10 at counselling one week with no real explanation except to compare it to the 2nd week where the marriage was a 9/10 because "i cooked a good meal most nights and helped with the yard work......" (there had also been a fair bit of sex)

Pretty sure he is of the sex and food = happy neanderthal

Ugh I am having a cranky month /:(
 
#64 ·
Both of my XW's miserably failed to subscribe to this idiomatic expression, in that the draining operation of the male's pelvic region, as well as the filling-up of his gastronomic area, was largely left up to the owner ~ unless, of course, they found it prohibitively in their best interest to covertly cheat!
 
#68 ·
The kernel of truth in that statement is that, for men in general, an unsatisfying sex life means the relationship will be unsatisfying. Everything else in the relationship can be great, but if sex/intimacy is not good, then the man typically will not be happy. I might say lack of sex is like having a constant headache. Sometimes it hurts a lot, sometimes it hurts a little, but it always hurts. Just like when you have a real headache, it makes it hard to enjoy life. Even if you have a great job, family, etc., the constant headache is oppressive and that other stuff doesn't always make up for it.

I think it can be the same for some women, but women in general seem to have a much more flexible need for sex/intimacy. If it's not there, it might only have a negligible effect on their mood and happiness with the relationship.
 
#75 ·
I didn't get more sex when I was single between wives, but I did get better sex. Sex is only good when both partners want each other and are attracted to each other. Sadly, this dynamitic often disappears after you get married. I'd personally rather less "great" sex than more "bad" sex. When I met my current wife and we dated, it was truly the best sex I've ever had. As I am getting out of this marriage 12 years later, it is the worst sex I've ever had. Same people, different results. That's my experience.
 
#80 · (Edited)
Male here. (Full disclosure I'm currently single and not in a relationship as of this writing, if you think that affects my answer in any way.)

This has been touched on by other responses but I think there is a subtle but very crucial difference between "X is important because it is the only thing I need in a relationship" and "X is important because it is one of many things I need in a relationship".

As a side note, I think it is very difficult for a lot of men (I am no exception in the least) to describe and couch their own needs in ways that the women providing those needs would be sympathetic to.

Regarding the first part about food: For people in my age/geographical group (20's, urban area) I think the belly thing is a bit less of a concern. Cooking has become both more of a universal and aspirational life skill what with the rise of foodie culture, food network, youtube cooking channels, and all that. Something I find darkly humorous is that if there is one thing that hardcore feminists, redpiller pickup sites, and normal people actually seemingly agree on, it's that 21st century men should know how to properly cook if they want to consider themselves a success in life.

Don't get me wrong, I certainly wouldn't complain if my potential girlfriend/wife/partner was a great cook and actually wanted to use those skills for me and our relationship, but it isn't something I would consider a must-have. I suspect that in an increasingly large number of places in 2019 there is too much sturm und drang and historical baggage around women's and gender roles in society to publicly say (regardless of whether or not you actually want it in your heart) whether you think it is your girlfriend/wife's responsibility to cook for you as a man.

Sex is a bit thornier though. I agree with the gist of many of the responses- I can get empty balls very easily (speaking as a single man). But intimacy in a relationship with another living, breathing, non-fantasy human being is a whole nother beast altogether. Another thing both the third-wave feminists and redpillers of the internet seem to agree on is that you can never compel or force someone to feel desire for you (though how their philosophies address this life fact wildly diverge).

And I think this is a much more salient point because, by and large, in a relationship, you can get a lot of your physical and emotional needs fulfilled by other people. You can have close, fulfilling relationships with people who aren't your spouse (like your family or friends), with conversations, party invitations, outings, and things like that. You can have friends and family cook for you or go out to a nice restaurant. But if you are in a monogamous relationship and you try to get sexual intimacy from someone else who isn't your spouse, we have a word for that, and it's called cheating.

I don't think it's my girlfriend's/wife's responsibility to "keep my balls empty", but it is undeniable that the sexual intimacy I receive should go solely through her, and trying to articulate this in a way that doesn't sound patriarchal or antagonistic is something that I frankly struggle with.
 
#88 ·
I am in my 40's and even when I was young, men were more likely to know how to cook from scratch. There is a taboo, which is that women would are considered to have done the cooking on an emotional level. What surprises me about what you wrote is that I still ate like a teenager and spent much of my life hungry! A woman that could have cooked well and in large portions would have stolen my heart!

Marriage is a sexual union and to neglect your partners needs is to be negligent. That said, you both have equal needs and a loving considerate partner will have needs to. Food and sex are a KPI rather than the only thing in themselves.
 
#90 ·
I guess it is worth mentioning that sex and food are really good and necessary in marriage.

I almost get the impression from some posts that this was an either or question posed here and that isn't the case.

Good sex and food are part of what I need in a relationship but hardly everything.

Until Mrs. C walked into my life, I had no shortage of applicants that would have screwed me into a coma while cooking everyday.

Mrs. C also made me laugh, carried on a conversation that I found fun and didn't seem desperate but fairly confident that she wanted me.

It helped that I went nuts for her too but there was definitely far more than sex and food promised in our first kiss.
 
#134 ·
Satisfaction depends on attitude more than on what a person has or doesn't have. Some people would say that if they are getting enough sex and enough to eat they are fine, but once they have those things they realize that despite getting the amount of sex they want, they aren't getting it in exactly the way they want it. The same goes with food. Once they are no longer hungry they want more variety in their diet, so they want more steak and roasted rather than steamed vegetables or whatever. Once they get that, they become dissatisfied with the location and want to have sex on the beach and dinner overlooking Puget Sound. It goes on and on.
 
#137 ·
I am not saying that this is wrong, and I am sure that it does happen.

However, for me, if the sexual side of the relationship is off, then the relationship is off. It really is that simple.

Maybe I am older, maybe more experienced, maybe less tolerant of BS, maybe all that and more.

However, if sex is not up to its usual greatness, then we are talking about it. We are going to figure out what is wrong, and we are going to do it pretty quick.

I really cannot have a rewarding relationship, if the romantic/sexual/affectionate side is not working.

Not that you could not have other aspects go wrong, and those be issues as well. But if this area is a problem then pretty much THERE IS A PROBLEM.

And, it is not that it is the most important thing, but it is ONE of the most important things.

Example, if Fiancé did not like to cuddle when we sleep, (we hold each other most of the night) that would be an issue for me. Frankly, I think I might be able to deal with it if there was a good reason... But something would have to replace that part of intimacy.

Really, I am not saying that I could get by without that but I might try.

If sex was taking off of the table, and there was not a super good reason and super good accommodations made for that, the relationship is over.

Frankly, if I am in a relationship, and sex stopped, I am not sure I could continue even if she agreed to an open relationship. Because if I am in a relationship, I want to have sex with you. Otherwise, I might as well be single...
 
#136 ·
9 pages and the OP hasn't returned. Shouldn't this thread be closed? Seems like that's what happens to other threads in this situation.

Anyway, I haven't followed this thread too closely - too crude (emptying balls...really). But I was bored and wanted to see if I could contribute a view on emptying balls. Now I see it's turned into a full on fight. Balls too full?
 
#150 ·
@Lila,

Will you comment on this thread? I didn't read the last few pages. I left it for some time due to the club thing and the disgusting way @Marduk's daughter was treated.

What do you think now that you've seen all the different ways folks are taking this "Belly Full, Balls Empty" saying?
 
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#155 ·
@Lila,

Will you comment on this thread?

What do you think now that you've seen all the different ways folks are taking this "Belly Full, Balls Empty" saying?
I think it's interesting all of the responses.

Personally, I think the saying correlates pretty well with emotional intelligence. On one end of the spectrum is the guy who thinks of his wife as a masturbatory tool who feeds him and the other extreme is the guy who needs to be completely connected in every way with his partner to be satisfied. One is very low on the emotional intelligence scale while the other is very high.
 
#151 ·
To address the original post, I think it takes more than being fed and having sex to please a man, but I believe that idea comes from the thought that maybe our needs don't often seem as extensive and mysterious; I say mysterious because we often feel like we have to be mind-readers. There have even been comedians do routines about it. Sure, there have to be other things, but perhaps those things are common desires that people would want from any relationship such as kindness. Sure, no man is going to be happy with a wife that is rude, keeps them in a financial crisis all the time, and spends her days sitting on the sofa watching tv contributing nothing to the relationship; sex and meals aren't going to smooth that over for a lifetime; however, let's say we love our wife, she is a great mother, she pulls her weight, and she is a sweet, normal person. Beyond that, having sex goes a long way to please a man. From all the men I know, their wife doesn't have to jump through a lot of other hoops to please them.
 
#152 ·
Although it's a cute phrase, I don't think that's literally true. But I believe that most men won't end a relationship as long as the woman is doing her duties and not doing anything terribly wrong. If they're not in love, though, he's probably a lot more likely to cheat which could end the relationship.

A guy on the radio used to say he had advice for women, that there are eight words that can save any relationship: long hair, stay thin, sex anytime, shut up. Of course, he was a shock jock, so....
 
#153 ·
Mrs. C isn't happy unless her belly is full in more than one way.

She needs more in a relationship as well but gets a little biatchy if she doesn't have regular helpings of my cooking and loving.

I've run across many women with the same needs.

I think men might have had things a little more out front with the boldness of statements like the OP.

Women have the same desires but maybe haven't felt as free, in the past, to be bold about it.

I'm off point a little from the OP but I think the statement "Belly full, ***** full" could be just as applicable to relationships as the OP.

I've at least seen a large amount of sexually frustrated women out there who could use a good feeding and ****ing.

Sorry for the crude expressions but the OP was crude to begin with.
 
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